


Not Without Obstacles

by Phantazmagoria



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Action/Adventure, Angst, Christmas Dinner, Eating Disorders, Hate Crimes, Homophobic Language, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Torture, Implied or Off-stage Rape/Non-con, M/M, Meeting the Parents, Missing in Action, Sexual Content, Wolfsbane
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-30
Updated: 2013-05-29
Packaged: 2017-12-13 09:47:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 14
Words: 57,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/822894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phantazmagoria/pseuds/Phantazmagoria
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>December, 1982. Mr. and Mrs. Lupin invite Remus and his boyfriend home for Christmas dinner. Unfortunately, they were expecting him to bring Sirius Black and are a little dismayed when it's Severus Snape that turns up instead. The evening goes significantly downhill from there. Couple that with the aftermath of some anti-Death Eater hate crimes and it's safe to say that it hasn't been Remus' best Christmas ever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was originally posted as part of the Snupin Santa 2011 gift exchange as a gift for Socks4Dobby

December, 1982

Remus Lupin did not want to wake up. Winter mornings were becoming especially cold these days, particularly since he and his housemate had mutually decided that there were more important things than centralized heating to spend their meager incomes on; things like food and lavatory paper and fixing the indoor plumbing which had taken a only a few weeks back. A quick flick of the wrist, after all, could cast a more than sufficient heating charm to keep them warm. It was that first foray out of the warm down comforter to get his wand from the dresser that always proved the most difficult as it included a mad, hopping dash across the freezing cold floor boards in his bare feet. As much as Remus wanted to snuggle down in the covers more, he always eventually came to the conclusion that without that first foray into the freezing cold room, there would be no tea and possibly even no breakfast. 

Groaning softly to himself, he rolled out of the down comforter and suppressed a yelp as he quickly dashed to the dresser and snatched his wand before sprinting back and leaping onto the bed to save his feet from certain frostbite. 

The occupant of the bed yelped and growled and thrashed under the blankets, swearing loudly enough that the sound was only partially muffled by the heavy down comforter. Remus laughed and the shape under the blanket growled, "Why are you laughing at me, wolf?"

"You make snuffly, growly noises like that and then call ME 'wolf.' I think it's sexy."

A tussled black head finally made its appearance above the blankets and Remus was able to gaze fondly at the man who was giving him a gimlet-eyed stare of reproach. "You ARE a wolf, in case you'd forgotten."

Remus grinned. He couldn't help it. To him, there was nothing more adorable in the world than a tired and groggy Severus Snape who was trying his best to look dour and intimidating first thing in the morning with his hair mussed and his eyes blinking myopically to banish the last tendrils of sleep. 

"I don't think we're in any danger of that, seeing as you do your best to remind me every five minutes. Not that there would be any doubt otherwise; there's just something indefinably sexy about you that makes me want to just... eat you alive. Those wolf noises of yours only make it... mmm... harder." He leaned in to nuzzle and nip at Severus' jaw bone.

Severus gave a disgruntled sigh, scowling for all he was worth; this early in the morning, though, it could only best be described as a grimace of distaste. "I only make wolf sounds when you and your bony knees land on my sensitive bits while I'm trying to sleep. I will, however, suggest that your delusions of my sexiness are a possible early sign of dementia and advise that you seek medical attention." 

Remus would never have known that Severus couldn't scowl correctly until after breakfast if they had not been together. It was a piece of intimacy, a secret about his taciturn lover that only he knew and the knowledge of it made him feel warm and giddy even without the use of the down comforter. He leaned forward and stole a kiss from the steadily awakening man, the sort of kiss that was slow and sleepy, warm and comforting and so very much like being home that Remus never wanted to leave. 

"Well, maybe it was time for you and your sensitive bits to wake up anyway. I'm going to go start breakfast, love. Porridge and Earl Grey alright?"

A thin arm grabbed him around the waist and dragged him underneath the comforter. "Mmm. I would prefer to have you for breakfast." The sleepy kisses were noticeably less sleepy now and had begun trailing along his jaw and down to the sensitive spot where his carotid artery pulsed just below the skin. 

Remus moaned, desire quickly warming his blood faster than any heating charm could have done. The moan soon turned into a groan of disappointment. "Sev, you know there is nothing that would please me more than to stay in bed and make love to you every which way from Sunday, but I have to go to work and I'd like to eat a bit of food before I have to leave. You wouldn't want me to expire from lack of sustenance, would you?"

The playful kissing stopped and the cover got tossed back. Severus was gazing sharply at him, black eyes glinting in the morning light. "Lupin, that isn't funny."

Remus was partially bewildered and confused at his roommate's sudden reversal of mood, but Severus was already out of bed and pulling on a green and black embroidered dressing gown before he could say anything. 

"Severus... Where are you going?"

"To cook you breakfast. I should have been up before now, forgive me." He was out the door before Remus could say another word. 

He sighed. He should have known better... he DID know better... than to tease about that particular subject. It had been more than a year... but he was beginning to understand Severus well enough to know that no matter how much time passed, he wouldn't simply forget something as uncomfortably significant as that. Remus chuckled morosely. Severus never forgot anything, it seemed, and especially not when his remembrance of a fact caused the most difficulty and distress for others. It was one of his less than charming quirks. 

Remus sighed again and began undressing for the shower. He dropped his nightclothes into the hamper and stepped into the tub, turning the taps as hot as he could stand. He ducked his head under the spray and ran soap through his hair, contemplating his enigmatic, dark lover. His housemate, roommate, lover, friend. His protector and keeper. The man who by his sheer presence alone could turn Remus into a maudlin pile of romantic, squishy goo while simultaneously aggravating him beyond the point of human endurance. Fortunately for them both, he wasn't quite human, was he?

There was no doubt that their relationship was on odd thing. It was simple, complex, thoroughly indefinable. He didn't know why they were together, only that they were and that he was happier now than he could remember being since third year at Hogwarts when puberty had made life so much more complicated than he had been prepared for. He would even be hard-pressed to say HOW they had gotten together, only that it had almost happened once before and failed spectacularly and that it hadn't ACTUALLY happened until just after the war... after Sirius...

Remus turned the taps and stepped out of the shower, making short work of drying himself and dressing for the day. The smell of breakfast had already begun wafting up the stairs and Remus' stomach growled in response. He took the stairs down two at a time and slipped into the kitchen, an anticipatory smile plastered on his face. 

Severus never failed to impress when he took the time to cook, which tended to be every day that he wasn't at Hogwarts; even then, he had begun setting up a rather intense and complex series of charms and illusions in his office so that he could sneak home for the evenings without anyone being the wiser. If a student needed him, his wards alerted him and he could dash back to the school in short order where he would proceed to take as many House Points as possible in an effort to discourage any further evening interruptions from the student body. It seemed an awful lot of trouble just to make sure that he could be home to cook dinner. Remus knew, of course, why Severus was so touchy about the subject, but there seemed to be a certain pride he took in being singularly talented at a task that Remus thoroughly appreciated. They operated on the mutual agreement that if Severus took the time to cook, Remus would eat everything that was put on his plate. It was an arrangement that had worked well for them during their first large hurdle as a couple... or was that still when they were only friends? Were they even friends back then?

Remus sat down just as Severus set a steaming plate in front of him. Breakfast today was what Remus had started calling the 'Full English Omelette:' mushrooms, sausage, bacon, cherry tomatoes, and kidney beans folded inside the most perfectly cooked eggs that had ever graced an English table, mixed with a blend of herbs that Severus was adamantly secretive about. There was whole grain toast with marmalade on the side and a bowl of fresh blueberries with clotted cream. Severus sat down opposite of him and unfolded the Daily Prophet to read as he ate. 

Remus tucked into the omelette with unrestrained glee, devouring a good half of it before Severus had finished his first sip of tea. At the choked sound, Remus looked up to see his lover regarding him with a thoroughly bemused expression.

"What?"

Severus shook his head with a tiny smile. "Silly wolf." He gestured towards Remus' plate with the tea cup still in his hand. "The omelette is dead, it will not try to flee if you take your time eating it."

"Mmm. But the faster I finish, the more time I have to snog you in the hallway before I have to leave."

"By all means, don't let me distract you. Finish up already."

Remus grinned and took another bite of omelette. "Anything good in there today?"

Severus returned his attention to the Prophet. "In this rag? Not hardly." He skimmed the headlines and took another sip of tea. "It seems they're closing down the disco hall on 4th and Macon."

"That's a shame. I had some very fond memories of that dance hall."

He was graced with a sardonic glare from over the top of the newspaper. "Disco is dead, Lupin. Get over it."

"Nonsense! Ra-Ra-Rasputin will endure forever!"

Severus smirked and shook his head. He was silent for a moment before adding, "I'm related to him, you know."

"Who? Boney M?"

"No. Grigori Rasputin."

Remus tilted his head in interest. "Seriously?"

"Come, now, Lupin. The greasy hair, the unfortunate nose, the hypnotic glare and the twelve-inch penis didn't give it away? Pick a feature, they're all genetic." 

Remus choked on a bit of his omelette and hastily washed it down with tea. "I hate to burst your bubble, love. You may be quite majestically endowed compared to the rest of us mere mortals, but twelve inches you certainly are not." 

Severus shrugged, an enigmatic smirk on his face. "I'm related on my mother's side, not my father's. Let's just say he averaged things out a bit, shall we?" He folded the page over and took another sip of his tea. "The Sons of Prometheus are certainly not lacking for attention. You would think people would be tired of all the bloody immortal imagery by now. Phoenixes, Death Eaters, now fucking Prometheus..."

"Sons of Prometheus? They're the, er..." Remus paused, wracking his brain for the mental footnote that he had filed them under. "Those are those arsonists, right? The ones that have been burning down houses?"

"Yes, because a cult of arsonists naming themselves after the Greek fire-bringer is so astoundingly clever that it couldn't possibly be the workings of a thoroughly juvenile mind. And, to be perfectly fair, they aren't burning down the homes of REAL people. Only those of former Death Eaters." If disdain was a physical substance, Severus would have been dripping with it.

"Do you think -- "

Severus regarded Remus with a bemused smirk. "Our home is perfectly safe. I was trained in the same school of paranoia as Mad-Eye Moody. There isn't a creature, living or otherwise, that could slip in or out of my wards, and that includes that giant monstrosity of a cockroach that has taken up residence in the basement. He only THINKS that he can escape me."

Remus grinned as he finished the last of his omelette. "Does that mean you haven't caught him yet?"

Severus sniffed. "The little bastard has eluded me thus far, but he shan't for long. He's going into my potions stores one way or another whether he likes it or not."

"Have I told you how much I adore you?"

"Not today, you haven't." The words sounded just slightly put out and were accompanied by the barest hint of a pouty lip. 

Remus leaned across the table to place a kiss against Severus' mouth. "How could you let me be so remiss in my duties? I shall have to rectify that at once." He kissed him again, deeper this time, tasting strong tea and sweet cream and just a hint of marmalade on Severus' tongue. The long-fingered hand that reached up to brush Remus' bangs back off his forehead was almost his undoing. He was sorely tempted to climb over the table and wrestle his lover down to the floor for a high speed morning shag. 

Fortunately, one of them broke the kiss before Remus was able to convince himself to completely forgo his descent table manners, though he was gratified to know that he wasn't the only one that had thoroughly enjoyed it; Severus was trying to hide his grin in his teacup and failing miserably. Remus knew how much he secretly enjoyed being reassured of Remus' affections. 

Severus cleared his throat and took a few moments to school his features into a suitably nonchalant expression before setting the tea cup down. "Will you be home for tea?"

"Abso-fucking-lutely. You know I can't resist your cooking; if you told me that you'd moved to Normandy and I had to swim the English Channel for tea, I would be out there doggy-paddling, I assure you."

Severus raised an eyebrow. "Well, don't get your hopes up. I'm not cooking anything fancy."

"Mm-hmm. Because smoked salmon pinwheels and goat cheese-stuffed mushrooms aren't anything fancy, huh? Don't think I haven't looked in the fridge."

Severus grumbled. "That was supposed to be a surprise, you nosy creature."

"I AM a nosy creature. I suppose you'll have to punish me for it. Or I could just lick and nuzzle your balls until you're writhing on the floor in ecstasy." Severus practically choked on his tea and Remus smiled with all the innocence he could muster. "Would that make up for my 'nosiness'?"

Severus glared as he wiped his mouth with a napkin and tossed it at Remus. "Heathen beast. Finish your tea so you can leave for work."

"What's this, then? Can't wait to have me out of the house?"

"I'm not eager for you to leave, silly wolf. But the sooner I can get you into the hallway, the sooner I can collect on that goodbye kiss you were promising me."


	2. Chapter 2

Remus couldn't say that he enjoyed being at work that day. It was a bit of an unwritten rule that if you wanted to avoid listening to gossip, then working in a hair salon was the last place in the world to be. Remus had the double misfortune of working in a salon just off of Diagon Alley, and the number of Wizarding patrons was staggering. It was strange that he had never noticed until today just how many that was, but it seemed that nobody would speak of anything that wasn't related to the newest terrorist group and their arson fires. 

There seemed to be an even divide between those that were outraged and those that thought they were doing wizard-kind a service. Even Malfoy Manor had been the victim of attempted arson. Only one of the old coach houses had been damaged, but the arsonists had managed a clean escape. So far nobody had been hurt but, in spite of Severus' assurances, the constant discussion of the targeted attacks against Death Eaters had Remus nervously looking at the clock the entire morning. 

It didn't help that a sudden influx of customers just after mid-morning left him too busy to make it home for afternoon tea with Severus. He had sent an owl with a quick message saying that he wouldn't be coming and that he would eat something at the café downstairs. The note that came in reply was a tersely scrawled four words, _Ensure that you do_ , but Remus knew Severus well enough by now that the underlying affection and concern was obvious, to him if not to anyone else.

Fortunately, the talk had shifted to other topics by mid-afternoon and Remus was further distracted by the arrival of an owl from his parents. They had just recently returned to England from an extended stay with a distant cousin from the Colonies and were eager to see him as Remus hadn't been by to visit them yet. In fact, he hadn't seen either of them in more than five years, not since just after graduation when the war had first started to turn ugly. His father, having chosen to marry and live amongst Muggles, had been no safer from Death Eater attacks than his mother was, being a full-blooded Muggle herself. Remus had decided, after many sleepless nights of harsh deliberation, that the best way for him to protect them was to ensure that as little attention was drawn to them as possible. To that end, he and Sirius had double-teamed them, coercing, cajoling, and convincing with all of their combined wiles that it was in the Lupins' best interest to leave town until things got better. It had taken weeks, if not months, but they had finally reluctantly submitted and purchased an all-expense paid second honeymoon cruise around the Hawaiian islands, a cruise that had ended with a one way flight to an airfield in the middle of North Dakota that was located conveniently near to a farm owned by their American cousin who had been only too happy to allow them to stay until the political situation in England stabilized. It had been a sacrifice to them as well as to Remus, but one that he was glad they had made seeing as now the war had ended and they were both happy and safe, if a little displeased that they hadn't seen him in so long.

Now they were writing to invite him and his boyfriend to Christmas dinner.

Remus grinned. He had never thought of Severus in terms as endearingly intimate as 'boyfriend' before and as much as he knew that Severus would roll his eyes at being referred to as such, it made Remus' heart beat just a little faster in his chest. He quickly wrote a reply that they would both be delighted to come and that he couldn't wait to see them again, then sent it off with the owl. 

It was only after the owl had gone that Remus paused. Five years ago, his boyfriend had been Sirius Black. He frowned, wondering if he should try to contact them again... Owls didn't usually stop by this side of the street unless they were delivering mail, so to send another message via post required him to step through to Diagon Alley and a trip to the bank to withdraw a few sickles for the owl rental. This close to the holidays, Gringott's would be distressingly crowded and the Owl Post was always overworked sending Christmas cards and delivering gift parcels. It wasn't an appealing option.

His other options were not any better. He had never quite gotten the hang of using a Muggle Tele-horn, nor would he know how to contact his parents with it if he did. Chances were, they did not yet have a floo connection on the network, if indeed they were planning on getting one at all... He could apparate, but felt that it would be rather rude to do so unannounced. Remus grimaced, frowning at himself in the salon mirror. When had that happened? When had it become discourteous to go home without an invitation? Did it happen when home had stopped being 'home' or was it when his dad had literally thrown him out on his arse that one year... He had apologized later and Remus had forgiven him... but it had never quite been the same since then. 

Remus shook his head and forced a smile onto his face; his next customer was walking up and he desperately needed to think of something comforting and happy. 

So he thought of Severus. 

He finished the day whistling cheerfully to himself and hurrying through the last of his customers so that he could race home to his -- Remus grinned soppily again -- to his boyfriend.

With a happy flourish, he snipped the last snip, brushed the trimmings from the back of Mrs. Snidely's neck and traded a smile and a thank you for coming for her handful of sickles and, gentleman-like, saw her to the door. He swept up the hair under his chair, tidied and cleaned his station with a quick flick of his wand, after glancing around to be certain the remaining patrons were from the Diagon side of the alley, and grabbed his cloak off the chair. 

Diane, who had only just sat her last customer of the day, whistled appreciatively. "Cor, I'm surprised to see your scissors isn't smoking, ducky. Someone must have a hot date tonight!"

"It's just possible that I might." Remus smiled and swooped down to give her a quick kiss on the cheek. "Goodnight, Diane!"

"Sweet dreams, ducky! Give that bloke of yours an extra snog for me, you hear?"

Remus had to walk outside the salon and down two blocks to the nearest apparition point (Severus really was as paranoid as Mad-Eye Moody and refused to allow their floo to be connected to the network) before he could magic himself away. The walk was short, but this late in December the wind and rain were miserable enough that he was soaked through and practically numb from the cold when he apparated home. 

By the time he shook off the disorientation from apparition, he couldn't tell if he was colder on the outside or on the inside. No light shone through the windows, no smoke drifted comfortingly from the chimney. The house looked thoroughly abandoned. Remus tried to quell the sudden uneasiness, but the constant chatter from that morning came back to him and his uneasiness quickly escalated to dread. He tried to think that the house looked empty because Severus had gone out shopping or had been called back to Hogwarts or a million and a half other perfectly reasonable explanations, but all he could think about was the Daily Prophet and the chatter at the salon and the angry political activists who had been attacking Death Eaters. 

Attacking Death Eaters...!

"Severus...!"

Remus charged up the steps and fumbled the key in the lock with his cold-numbed fingers. He practically tore the door from its frame with how quickly he shoved it open and barreled through. 

"Severus!" 

There was nobody in the sitting room, nobody in the kitchen. The lights were off throughout the house and Remus threw them on as he went, searching frantically for his -- Remus choked off a sob -- for his boyfriend... 

Every reasonable thought that struggled into his mind was quickly dashed. The house wasn't burned down, the arsonist's couldn't have been here -- Severus had so many charms to prevent house fires, it might have just been put out automatically. If they had tried to burn the house down, Severus would have gotten word to him somehow --- unless he had been physically attacked, beaten unconscious and left for dead somewhere... The more he tried to reassure himself, the more panicked he became.

He ran up the stairs -- nobody in the bedroom. He was frantic with worry as he thundered back down the stairs and threw open the door to the basement.

"SEVERUS!"

He could see it in his mind's eye; Severus' bloody, broken, lifeless body strewn like a rag doll across the basement floor...

He was actually almost startled when a familiar scowl greeted him from the far side of the laboratory. "Merlin's bloody bollocks, wolf! I'm standing right here, there's no need to give yourself a conniption fit over it."

"Fuck's sake, Severus! You unbelievable fucking wanker!" Panic and terror had given way to relief which had already been replaced by anger and fury. "Would it have killed you to let me know you were down here?"

Severus tilted his chin up and straightened his back to stand at his full height. He sneered. "Would it have killed you to use a Patronus or a Sonorous charm? I didn't hear you until you came screaming down here like a lunatic!"

"I was fucking worried you fucking git! Do you have any idea -- "

"I don't see why; my wards were intact, were they not? The door was still locked? Do you think me so incompetent that I can't at least warn you when my virtue is about to be compromised? Though I can understand why you would be leery of the ravenous queue of fan girls that wraps around the block." He waved his hand dismissively, and Remus couldn't help a small twinge of his lips. They were both well aware that Severus was more likely to be spit on by little old ladies than ogled by fan girls as he passed on the street. "May I ask why you were worried or are you going to stand there and snarl at me all night until we devolve into a hormonal mess of testosterone and you fuck me hard on my potions bench to prove to me how manly and dominant you are?"

Remus immediately began to salivate at the thought of Severus sprawled on top of his potions bench, his robe hitched up above his waist and his legs spread wantonly, wide enough that he was entirely on display, open and ready for Remus to take him any way that pleased him...

Remus tried to speak, but the words came out as a gurgle. Severus raised an eyebrow, dropping his chin and relaxing his posture as the tension drained from Remus to be replaced with desire. Remus swallowed. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have shouted..."

"How many times must I tell you not to apologize before you get it into your flea-brained skull that I don't expect you to grovel and lick my boots over every little thing. Just tell me what was wrong so that I may know what behaviors to alter in the future. As enjoyable as make-up shagging can be, I prefer -- " He was interrupted as he was snatched up by fourteen stone of werewolf and kissed so deeply and thoroughly that his knees went weak and he had to be held up. "Ha-hmm. Mmm. Right. As I was saying, I tend to believe that an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. For fuck's sake, Lupin, you smell like a wet dog."

"I do not."

"Perhaps, but you're still getting my robes wet. Did it not occur to you to change into dry clothes before coming down into a cold, damp basement?"

"No. I was worried." He dropped his head to rest on Severus' shoulder.

"We established that. Care to tell me why?"

"You're usually upstairs cooking when I get home and the fire wasn't going... and with those arsonists in the paper..." He trailed off, realizing how silly he must sound. 

"Valid reasons all, but if I might suggest? Perhaps if you had arrived at a quarter eight as is your custom, you might have found both dinner on the plate and a fire in the hearth? Maybe possibly?"

Remus sighed and buried his face deeper into Severus' warm shoulder, stifling a sniffle.

Severus reached up and began to card his fingers through Remus' wet hair. "Idiot werewolf. I suppose that I should be touched that you care enough for me to work yourself into a snit. And YOU are most certainly touched in the head for coming down here in wet clothes! You've another thing coming if you think I want to spend our first Christmas together playing nursemaid to a sniffling werewolf."

The sudden memory of Christmas plans made Remus tense up.

The hands stroking his hair stilled for a moment as if Severus could sense his tension. "Remus? What's wrong?" 

"Oh nothing... I was just thinking..."

Severus stepped back and folded his arms across his chest. "I'm not going to like this, am I? Well, let's get on with it, then. Spit it out."

"My parents invited us over for dinner on Christmas Eve. Severus, I didn't... Well, I didn't even think to ask you about it first, I told them we'd go..." Severus clenched his jaw and turned away, clearly upset. He flinched when Remus went to put a hand on his shoulder. "I know it's a little short notice..." 

"Short notice? Christmas Eve is tomorrow!"

"I'm sorry, love, I didn't think you had any plans for Christmas."

Severus was bristling like a porcupine, "I DID have plans for Christmas."

Plans that must not have included Remus... He shifted his weight awkwardly. "Oh... well, that's alright. I can... No, I understand."

"I had PLANNED on staying home and being happy for Christmas." Severus turned away from Remus and strode over to one of the side benches where a few extra cauldrons and contraptions were placed, among them a glass beaker filled with a dark liquid that hung suspended over a low flame. He grabbed the beaker with more force than necessary and proceeded to pour the liquid into a mug. "Preferably with my... with you. But I can see that MY plans obviously count for shit these days." He held up the mug towards Remus, an inquiring gesture. "Coffee?" Remus shook his head to decline and Severus shrugged and settled back against the bench to glare over the rim of his cup while he sipped it. 

Severus' confession to having wanted to spend time alone with Remus on the holiday only served to make Remus feel like even more of an arse. "I'm sorry, I know I should have asked you first. I just thought it would... you know, being with family for Christmas. I thought it would be nice."

"Thought what would be nice? Parading me around in front of people that will doubtless think me perfectly inadequate for you? Yes, I can see how that should be AMAZINGLY fun."

"Oh, Sev, it wouldn't be like that, love."

A buzzing timer went off and Severus flicked his fingers to silence it. He set the coffee mug down before crossing to his workbench where he began adding chopped blood tubers to the cauldron that had been simmering while they spoke. "Well, forgive me, LOVE, if I feel you are mistaken. Can you seriously stand there and tell me that Snivellus Greasy is at all the sort of person you take home to mummy and daddy? Be honest with YOURSELF at least, if not with me."

"You're right, of course. I wouldn't have taken Snivellus home to my parents. But you aren't him, you know. You're different now." And it was true. Severus WAS different. Who would have thought that Severus Snape would be a little more pleasant to be around when he wasn't being run into the ground by his own hyper-vigilance, that he actually smiled and laughed on occasion when he wasn't having to constantly defend himself from hexes, pranks and harassment. Remus reached out a hand and brushed his fingers gently against Severus' arm. "I would like to think that I'm not exactly the same person that stood by and let all that happen to you, either. Life and experience have a way of changing people and setting priorities straight, wouldn't you agree?"

Severus huffed a sigh, nodding as he acknowledged the inherent truth of those words, though he didn't look up from the cauldron that he was stirring carefully with a silver ladle. "I will... PERHAPS... consider your request. This does not mean that I do not still possess grave reservations regarding the subject."

"Thank you." Remus nodded, knowing that was the best he would get at this moment. "So... what are you working on?"

"There's an article on the desk there if you would care to read over it."

Remus tilted his head in interest as he stepped forward and picked up the open issue of Potions Quarterly. "Damocles Belby's breakthrough in the cure for Lycanthropy?" Remus felt his pulse thrum rapidly in his veins and he read quickly through the rest of the article, including the recipe for the potion itself. "But of course they would call it 'Wolfsbane', wouldn't they?"

Severus snorted. "Be grateful it isn't something more atrocious, such as 'Lobo-Be-Gone', or 'Lycanthrope Liquor.'" 

Remus grinned. "Oh, the horror. But this... Wait a minute... Circe's tits, Sev! This is all toxic!"

"It is."

"What's he playing at? Curing us by killing us?"

Severus looked up for a mere half a second, his expression contemplative. "No, that is not his intention. It is merely toxic enough to be severely uncomfortable, not enough to be lethal. I've looked over his figures and they seem to be sound. The intention is not so much to CURE the condition as to make it more manageable. The aconite and silver are present to subdue the wolf's consciousness, but you'll notice other ingredients as well; rosemary for remembrance, pansies for thought... It is designed to enhance the human presence. Theoretically, this potion would moderate the wolf's influence and give the human consciousness more control while in a transformed state." Severus removed the ladle carefully and flicked his fingers, causing the flame beneath the cauldron to climb higher, setting it to a light simmer. He reset the timer. "The theory is sound, though I must say his practical applications are total shit. I've modified the recipe in places and my formula should be more effective." He wiped his hands clean on a nearby towel. "Less painful, anyhow."

"Less painful is good, I would imagine. So, will we be testing it this month?"

Severus shot him a scandalized look. "Absolutely not!"

"But, then why...?"

"As you pointed out, this is a highly toxic potion and the incorrect combination of ingredients would be somewhat detrimental in their effect. Forgive me if I do not wish to use your silly arse as a glorified guinea pig."

Remus frowned in confusion. "Then... why are you...?"

"I'm practicing. The brewing needs to be absolutely precise, ergo, I am practicing." Severus gestured at the potions journal. "I promise you, there will be enough imbeciles out there scrambling to be tested on. When Belby has more than just a mere handful of successful case studies, I will be slightly more willing to try it myself."

"Wait a minute... YOU'LL be willing to try it? Don't I get a say in this at all?"

Severus eyed him carefully. "A marginal one, I suppose."

"Severus, if this works... have you got any idea what that would mean for me?"

"I have an idea, yes..." He sighed. "Just give it a few more months, Remus. Contrary to popular rumor, I am in no hurry to harvest your corpse for my potions stores. I would be very... unhappy if you died because of an error or even a slight miscalculation on my part. This is important to you, yes, I understand that, but it is very important to ME that we proceed with caution and ensure that it is both formulated and brewed correctly."

Remus stepped forward and wrapped Severus in an embrace. Coming from the taciturn man, that was practically a declaration of undying love. He nuzzled and kissed him and was gratified when Severus leaned into the embrace rather than push him away. Remus whispered softly, "I love you, too."

Severus began to squirm and chuffed out a put upon sigh. "Right, go on and get out of here, wolf. I have some things to finish up before dinner." 

Remus reluctantly let him go, but couldn’t contain his smile as he climbed the stairs, especially at the shout that followed him.

"And I expect you to change into some dry clothes!"

After casting a quick charm to light the fire in the sitting room, he decided to busy himself in the kitchen making tea while he waited for Severus to finish up. It wasn't too much later that Severus had rejoined him in the kitchen and had served up a rather tasty curry, consisting of roasted lamb and masala sauce. It was one of Remus' favorites and he could remember clear as day the first time he'd brought home takeout for Severus; he had taken one bite of the chicken tikka masala and sniffed, saying "You actually pay to eat this stuff? I can make better." 

The sad fact of it was that he hadn’t been mistaken. Severus' curry was to die for and Remus scarfed it down with little difficulty. It wasn't until after Remus had practically licked his plate clean and moved to put it in the sink and start the washing up that he realized that Severus had hardly touched his plate at all. He was moving pieces about with his fork, but not actually making any attempt to consume them and the fingers of his left hand were tapping a soft, almost indiscernible rhythm on the table top. Remus thought the beat reminded him vaguely of one of Chopin's funeral marches.

"All right, Severus?"

The tapping stopped. The rearranging of the lamb chunks did not, nor did the dark eyes look up from their task. "What happens if they don't like me?"

Remus blinked and tilted his head sideways, regarding his lover with confusion. "Come again?"

"You heard me."

"Is THAT what has you so bothered? The thought that my parents might not like you?"

"I am NOT bothered, I am merely being pragmatic."

"Well, so what? Even if they didn't like you, I like you and I'm the one that matters, right?" He didn't answer right away and Remus sighed. "Are you sure that's what's wrong? In all the years I've known you, Sev, you've not once been arsed to care about what anybody's thought of you. It's hard to imagine you starting now."

Severus set his fork down and folded his hands carefully together, schooling his features before he looked up at Remus. "So, you're telling me that it wouldn't bother you one bit if your family hated me, that if they told you I wasn't good enough for you and you should find somebody else, that it wouldn't change your attitudes or perceptions even the tiniest, wee little bit?"

"Of course not! Why would you...?"

Severus' hair fell forward to obscure his eyes, his voice slightly tinged with bitterness. "You'll forgive me for pointing out that you don't have the most reliable track record in that regard."

Remus frowned. "What are you on about?"

"Was it not your friends' sterling opinions of me that led to our spectacularly dramatic falling out in fifth year?"

"That was..." Remus bristled, he couldn't help it. "Fuck's sake, Severus, that was different."

Severus nodded, returning his gaze to his untouched dinner. "Well, yes. It was different. That was only your FRIENDS... this is your FAMILY... Of course it's different. Granted, I don't expect your parents to actually lure me into a potentially lethal situation in the name of your best interest, but -- "

"Are you ever going to forgive me for that? Or is it going to come up each and every single time we have a discussion about anything? We could be on about the Sex Pistols and Freddie Mercury or... or dolphin sightings off the coast of Norway and you would find a way to talk about that fucking shack!" He slammed his palm on the table to emphasize his point. "What do you want me to do, Sev? Apologize again? I will, if I must. You know I had nothing to do with the lot of it, but I will apologize until I'm blue in the face if it means you'll finally forgive me for something I had no fucking control over."

Severus frowned in consternation, "I have forgiven you, Remus... but that doesn't mean that I trust you not to do it again."

"Do what again?" Remus rubbed the bridge of his nose, willing away the headache he knew was starting. "Sev, the lunar chart does not suggest that I will be even remotely furry on Christmas Eve nor will my parents be serving us dinner in the sodding Shrieking Shack, so I fail to see -- "

"It isn't about THAT! This isn't about the bloody fucking SHACK!" Severus stood abruptly, nearly knocking his chair over, clearly beginning to get frustrated as well. "I mean, hell, what's a little attempted murder amongst friends, right? This is about us! I thought I was understandably a little hurt that you hadn't seen fit to tell me of a potentially life altering aspect of your -- "

"I didn't think that it would matter! I didn't think that it SHOULD have, it's not like you don't have your own personality quirks to contend with."

"Excuse me? Personality quirks? Let me put this into a bit of perspective for you, Lupin. Using the last of the lav paper and not restocking it? THAT is a personality quirk. That's the sort of thing that doesn't matter. The fact that you drink white wine with red meat and don't always take sweets out of your pockets before doing the laundry, THOSE are personality quirks! Bloody annoying sometimes and obnoxious as fuck all, but essentially, you're right, they don't matter. The fact that you are a WEREWOLF and you didn't bother to tell the person who was only swallowing your cock on a regular basis -- "

"Alright! I was a coward! I was afraid you would react badly, and guess what! YOU DID!"

"YOU LEFT ME! How the fuck was I supposed to react?!"

"I didn't LEAVE you... I just... I didn't want you to get hurt again."

"You left me for HIM! How was that not supposed to HURT, you bloody twat?"

"Well, it's not like you seemed all that broken up about it."

"Right, because I'm the sort of fool who wears their heart on their sleeve and pines for their lost love while the man has his fucking tongue so far down somebody ELSE'S throat he can practically lick out their arse from a standing position! I swear, Remus, you can be so fucking DAFT sometimes...!"

Severus crossed his arms tightly about his chest, trembling almost imperceptibly as he leaned against the counter top. His pale face was as devoid of emotion as ever, but Remus, knowing him as he did, could see nothing but anguish written all over it as he fished in his robes for a pack of cigarettes. His fingers shook as he quickly lit one and sucked on it greedily, inhaling the smoke like a man starving for oxygen. 

Remus sighed, the anger from moments before draining from him as quickly as it had risen. "I thought you weren't smoking anymore."

Severus shot him a look, one that was defensive and wary. "I'm not smoking anymore." He took another long drag off the cigarette. His nose was tilted up, his demeanor haughty and superior to disguise the petulance in his tone. "However, I am not smoking any less, either." 

Remus stood and rounded the table. He gently took the cigarette from Severus' fingers and placed it in the sink before pulling Severus gently into a tight embrace. It took a few moments of solid support, but Severus' defensive posture eventually began to relax and his arms uncurled from around himself to wrap around Remus and return the embrace.

Remus' voice was quiet as he murmured softly in his ear, "Why are we having a row, love?" He ran his hands in soothing circles over the tight, knotted muscles in Severus' lean back, doing his best to ease the tension that had afflicted his lover. 

"We're fighting -- we're ARGUING -- because I'm afraid... because I'm just as much of a coward as you are. Because... I'm not comfortable with gambling my life and happiness on the whims and fancies of strangers. And possibly because you refuse to admit that Freddie Mercury could have easily taken Sid Vicious in a fist fight." Remus chuckled at Severus' attempt to lighten the mood and squeezed him tightly. "But mostly it's because I'm afraid."

"I don't understand, love. What are you so afraid of?"

Severus sighed, relaxing slowly into Remus' warm arms. "Afraid that... you'll... that..." He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "It's just that... Matilda Marrywell says that making a bad first impression with your in-laws is one of the leading contributors to failed relationships. I don't... want to fail... Not at this. Not at 'us'."

The vulnerability in his voice made Remus' heart constrict. He brushed Severus' hair back and kissed his temple, not able to hide the amusement from his voice. "...Matilda Marrywell? You're reading relationship advice columns now?"

Severus pulled back just enough to give him a 'look'. "It isn't as if I have an overflowing store of personal experience to draw upon. Why shouldn't I read advice columns?"

Remus couldn't help a soft chuckle. "Severus, love, I hate to break this to you, but you and I are not exactly a normal couple. In fact, I might go so far as to say that we are as far from normal as... Well, and besides, how exactly is a hundred and ninety-year-old witch who has never met us before supposed to know what is best for us and our relationship? What we've been through together, what we've managed to overcome together isn't something you can find in an advice column somewhere. Unless you actually wrote her and asked what a former Death Eater-turned-spy who happens to be gay -- "

"Bi-sexual, thank you."

"Right. Who happens to be bi-sexual should do when meeting the parents of his thoroughly gay werewolf boyfriend... Oh. Oh... Sev, you didn't... Did you?"

"Of course not." Severus bristled with indignation at the accusation. "I might have CONSIDERED it, but frankly there are far too few Werewolf Incognito slash Death Eater couples in the Wizarding world to guarantee anonymity."

"That's right!" Remus grinned, latching onto those words like a lifeline. "There are far too few of us, so we just have to make up our own relationship advice as we go along, right?" 

"Mmm-hmm."

"It's not working is it?"

"The pep talk? No, not really. My concern is still perfectly valid."

"Bollocks. And here I thought I was doing an alright job of it. Well, how about I show you how much you mean to me by making good on that rain check from this morning?"

Severus tilted his head slightly against Remus' shoulder. "Which rain check would that be?"

"Oh, you know, that slow, sensual screw into the mattress I promised you... all the time in the world, nowhere to be and nothing to do but drive you slowly mad with pleasure... And if that doesn't work, I bet that I can bring you off four times tonight before we pass out entirely. How does that sound?"

Severus hummed in anticipation, swaying slowly back and forth in Remus' arms. "With or without potions?"

"Without."

"Right, then. Shall we decide on a forfeit for the winner?"

Remus kissed him and dropped his hands down low to grope Severus' arse, pulling him forward to rub their hips together. "Four orgasms in one night, Sev, I don't see how either of us loses."

Severus gasped at the friction against his growing erection. "If you fail to deliver and I only get three out of the four, I shall consider myself sorely cheated, therefore we must decide on a forfeit to ensure that you're really trying as hard as you should."

"We don't need to decide on a forfeit to ensure that I'll be putting forth my best effort." 

"Well, if you're willing to concede defeat this early in the game -- Gyah!"

Remus had crouched and grabbed Severus around the thighs, lifting him bodily into the air and depositing him on the dinner table, legs sprawled, a startled look imprinted on his face. Remus grinned, the sort of smile that showed off his canines. "If you think you can keep track of points, by all means, feel free to try." He slipped his hands under the hem of Severus' robes and began sliding them up his lightly furred calves. "You know, I love it when you don't wear trousers underneath your robes."

Severus shot him an enigmatic smirk and placed his still booted feet on the edge of the table so he could use the leverage to rearrange himself comfortably, seeing as he was likely to be there a while. "Indeed?"

"Indeed." Remus inched the heavy fabric slowly up Severus' legs, placing tender kisses to every patch of skin as it was revealed, sliding his hands along the coarse hair that covered his calves, working up to the almost delicate knees and the tautly corded muscles of his thighs, then up just a little higher...

"No pants either? Severus, I am shocked and appalled."

There was that smirk again. "And ridiculously turned on, perhaps?"

"Absolutely." Remus licked and nibbled at Severus' inner thigh, blowing cool air against the dampened flesh and delighting at how it prickled over with goose flesh, reacting to his stimulation. Severus' aroused cock bobbed and twitched, eager for an equal share of the attention, but Remus chose to ignore it for now, favoring the hollow below his sharp hip bones for a few licks and nibbles before making his slow and methodical way along his pelvis to the super sensitive flesh of his lower belly. At the first light ghosting of fingers along the silky line of black hair under his navel, Severus jerked and gasped, shuddering from the intensity of Remus' feathery touch.

Remus moaned in appreciation for Severus' responsiveness. "I could play with your belly all day and never get bored." He placed a kiss just below the navel before flicking his tongue out. Severus quivered and keened desperately in between gasps of delight. "I love how eager you are for my touch, so sensitive... so responsive..." A light sheen of perspiration had appeared on Severus' brow along with a look of such abject consternation that Remus would have thought he was in physical pain if he hadn't been well aware from experience that he was merely concentrating on not allowing himself to be turned into a jellified bundle of tactile sensation, completely at the mercy of Remus' pleasurable onslaught.

"All right, love?"

"Mmm." His eyes were squeezed tight shut, his hands clenched into tight fists. Severus was practically vibrating with the tension generated by his sheer exertion to retain control in spite of Remus' administrations. 

"Let go for me, love. Let go, I've got you."

"No..." The word was bit out through clenched teeth. Remus had to grin at his obstinate, stubborn lover and his fierce competitive streak. 

"Don't make me force you to come for me, Severus."

Black eyes snapped open, a feral grin lighting up the pale face. His words were fierce even if his voice was strained, "If you think you can force me, then go ahead and try it, wolf!"

"Come on. I wouldn't need to try very hard, you're so wound up. For instance, if I were to just run the tip of my tongue..." He reached down and placed the tip of his finger ever so lightly against the perineum and began sliding it achingly slowly up and over the rough, contracted skin of his scrotum. "... just up along this vein here..." The finger trailed up the underside of his twitching member where the foreskin had retracted and the head was practically dripping with pre-come. "...you're telling me that a nice, wet, warm slide of a tongue all the way up your cock wouldn't be enough to set you off? Hmm?"

"N-n-noooo..."

"You don't sound very sure of yourself, Sev." He bent down to lap at the drops of sweat that had broken out over his sternum; a slow, broad laving of his tongue that was intended specifically to remind Severus just what exactly it was that he could do with that appendage were he to employ it elsewhere.

"Argh... gyah..." That iron-control was starting to flake at the edges.

Remus grinned in triumph. "Is that so?" With a swift move, he placed both hands on Severus' hips to hold him still while he brought his mouth down around his shaft, swallowing him to the base in one deft practiced move. His throat contracted involuntarily and he breathed out sharply though his nose to suppress the reflex, but the momentary discomfort was worth it when Severus screamed like a banshee and thrashed on the table like a fish. Only Remus' iron grip on his hips kept him from thrusting up and choking him. As it was, he had to swallow fast and hard to deal with the flood of liquid in his mouth and he still wasn't quite able to manage it all. 

Severus was gasping, shivering from the aftershocks, his eyes wide and staring at the ceiling, tendrils of black hair plastered to his slightly flushed face. Remus wiped his mouth with a self-satisfied grin and straightened. He winced when his clothing pinched him uncomfortably and he had to adjust his trousers to accommodate his own aching arousal before climbing onto the table and carefully pulling Severus' robe down and adjusting it for him. He then lay down, arms folded across Severus' chest so he could use them as a chin pillow while he gazed down at his recovering lover. "Well. I think that counts as one. Don't you?"

"Fucking cheater."

Remus chuckled, reaching up to brush the tendrils of hair away from Severus' face. "Mmm-hmm. I'll let you consult your own fair play rule book on that one. But if that doesn't count towards the four, my chances of winning have -- "

"Fine! You can have that one."

"Glad you see things my way." 

"Mmm. You missed a spot." Remus frowned and licked his lips, then raised his eyebrows questioningly. Severus shook his head and reached up to wipe at the corner of Remus' mouth with his thumb, eyes locked together and never wavering. Before Severus could pull his thumb away, Remus twisted towards it and captured it with his teeth, sucking it into his mouth and swirling his tongue around the sensitive pad.

Severus moaned softly before pulling his thumb away and replacing it with his tongue, kissing Remus deeply and passionately, cording his fingers through the coarse, auburn hair. Severus' fingertips were caressing his scalp and making Remus purr with pleasure. Suddenly they were rolling over and the leftover dinner plates were crashing to the floor with the scent of sweet Indian spices filling the kitchen. Severus was on top of Remus, gazing down at him with a thorough blend of emotions that Remus was only beginning to pick his way through when he spoke.

"I will consent to accompanying you to your parents' house..."

"I guess I should do that more often. You must have liked it."

Severus wrinkled his nose and nipped Remus sharply on the bottom lip. 

"OW! What was that for?"

"Pay attention. I will agree to dinner with your parents on the condition that you grant me a favor."

"What's the favor?" 

Severus shifted his arm, his hand disappearing from Remus' view for a moment before reappearing with a thin red cord carrying a single gold pendant. "That you wear this."

Remus frowned in puzzlement as he reached out to take the pendant that he might examine it further. "What is it?" It was a flat disk with a series of straight lines at various angles carved on the front. It appeared to be a runic charm, but Remus couldn't make out what the sigils represented. 

"It is a token of my estimable affection, wolf. Will you wear it or not?"

"Of course, I will." Remus slipped it around his neck and shivered at the tingling feeling of magic settling under his skin. "What exactly does it do?"

"It gives me piece of mind is what it does. Does it matter?"

"So help me, Severus, if I find out later that it says 'Property of Severus Snape, if found please return to Spinner's End' I will be sorely displeased."

Severus smirked. “Good idea, but no. I might consider that for next time."

"So, you'll come, then?"

"Yes, wolf, I'll come."

Remus' eyes lit up. "Can I cut your hair?"

"You may not."

"Please?"

"Six months as a hair stylist and you're already developing a fetish! I said 'no' and I meant it." Severus rolled away from Remus, turning his back to the look of entreaty. "Your puppy eyes will not avail you, so feel free to stop your lip quivering."

Remus wrapped his arms around Severus and pulled himself up, snuffling lightly at the side of his neck. 

Severus cringed. "Stop it! That fucking tickles!"

"Can't help it. Love your hair. REALLY want to cut it for you."

"What part of, 'no' isn't penetrating that lupine brain of yours? Do I have to tack on a 'bad dog' as well to get your attention?"

"No. I'll be good. I was just remembering the last time you let me wash your hair..."

Severus went still as he thought that statement over, no doubt reanalyzing his own memories of the event. He grumbled reluctantly, "You may wash my hair if doing so will bring some small measure of fulfillment to your obviously tragic life."

"Can I trim the split ends up a bit at least?"

"If doing so will bring you joy, you may WASH and you may TRIM, but there will be no more talk of cutting."

He rolled back over to place quick kiss to Remus' lips before sliding off the table and onto the floor. He stretched up, reaching his fingers as close to the ceiling as they would go before rolling his shoulders back with a blissful expression that Remus had come to think of as the 'post-coital-stretching-is-amazing' face. 

"Where are you going?"

"Hors d'oeuvre. Care for one?" 

"You're getting a SNACK? After all that, you're just going to get up and get a SNACK?" 

"Yes." Black eyes flashed with amusement as Severus pulled a banana out of the pantry and peeled it, nibbling delicately on the end before practically deep-throating the fruit and biting off a good half of it. His eyes never left Remus' as he chewed and swallowed, smiling enigmatically all the while. "What? I need more potassium if I'm going to last another three rounds tonight."

Remus grabbed a nearby cup, the only dish on the table that hadn't been knocked off and chucked it as hard as he could at Severus. "Now who's the cheater you infuriatingly obnoxious fuck!"

Severus dodged the cup easily enough with an amused smirk. Remus jumped off the table and lunged at Severus who had already ducked towards the door at a dead run. 

He was fortunate to have gotten enough of a head start that he made it up the stairs before being tackled from behind by an aroused werewolf. Even more fortunately, they had at least two more rounds to make it to the bed. 

Much later that night as Remus was drifting off to sleep with a warm, exhausted Slytherin wrapped protectively around him in a thoroughly sated tangle of limbs, he heard soft words whispered into his ear, words that he knew he wasn't meant to hear because they were not the sort of words that Severus Snape actually said aloud.

"I love you too, Remus..."


	3. Chapter 3

Remus' gloved fingers danced nervously in Severus' hand, drawing him inadvertently toward himself a bit as he fought courageously to appear the more confident of the two; he wasn't entirely certain this was a good idea, but didn't want to give his counterpart more legitimate proof there was reason to flee. He reached up a hand to play with Severus' hair, tugging a forelock first to one side of his face and then the other. Severus endured the fussing without comment which only served to make Remus even more nervous. "It'll be fine, Sev. My parents are pretty open-minded, I don't see why it shouldn't be fine."

Severus' expression was unnervingly unreadable, and Remus opened his mouth to say more when there came the sliding click of metal and the handle twisted before them, the door coming open and spilling light across the snowy porch.

Remus was caught mid-smile and mid-gasp, eyebrows rising before he could conjure up some sort of reply, and a sheepish "Oy...! Hello, Mum!" issued forth.

"Remmy...!" A pair of outstretched arms preceded Mary Lupin when she stepped outside, an airy chuckle to her voice as she reached out to hug him. She was a slight woman in her 50's with graying tawny hair, hands seeming a bit damp as though she'd recently washed them and not dried them completely after the fact. From somewhere within the house there emanated the aroma of food cooking, and Remus could tell she was in the midst of preparation when she came to the door.

"John...!" She cried out into the house, "Remmy's here...!" she turned back to her son, wiping her partly-damp hands absently on the back of her jeans, "Come in, come in...!"

Remus' hand was clasped in a firm shake as John came to the door. "Good to see you again, son."

"It's good to see you too, Da."

The woman turned finally to look past Remus at the dark presence behind him. "Now, where's Sirius? It's been ages since I've seen your young man!" 

Remus cleared his throat, he looked out to the porch where Severus still stood, clinging to the shadows just beyond the reach of the light. "Er, Mum... I, uh... I meant to tell you... This is Severus. Sirius and I aren't together anymore."

Severus took a step forward, though the darkness seemed almost reluctant to let him leave. The shadows kept themselves attached to his dark robes until the very moment he crossed into the house and suddenly Remus became aware of what Severus had been trying to warn him about. He suddenly realized just how much he WANTED Severus to make a good first impression and just how thoroughly incapable he was of doing so. Severus was absolutely nothing like his former lover, nothing like the bright, cheeky, full of life Sirius. Severus was a shadow made even darker when compared to Sirius' shining star. Comparing the two side-by-side, as no doubt his mother would be doing for the duration of the evening, left little room for contest. The Bard himself had written something similar enough to suit the occasion, 'So excellent a son-in-law; that was, to this, Hyperion to a satyr.' Remus wanted to laugh hysterically at the thought that he would be playing Queen Gertrude to his mother's Hamlet. The only thing that would have made it more perfect is if Severus HAD poisoned Sirius Black in order to steal his affections, as no doubt he had wanted to for a very long time. For the first time, Remus began to think that this wasn't such a good idea. 

She turned toward Severus and reached out one hand, "I don't believe we've met, I'm Mary -- you're Remus' friend?"

Severus held himself very rigidly and tried to smile, though it looked more like a grimace. "It is a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Lupin, Mr. Lupin." He bowed slightly, but didn't offer his hand to shake. 

"Oh. Oh, well... it's a pleasure to meet you, too, Severus, but you must call me Mary, and of course this is John. May I take your cloak? Or your robe, I mean?"

Severus sniffed disdainfully. "You may not. You may, however, take this." He reached into his pocket for a tiny object that enlarged in his hands to become a simple terra cotta pot filled with dirt. He suddenly pulled the pot away from his body and twisted his head as if he was dodging something before resettling his grip on it. "I understand that presenting a gift of a toxic plant to the hostess is often customary at these functions, however many of the toxic plants at my disposal are actually quite lethal. This one is merely dangerous. I hope it will suffice." 

The look on his mother's face would have been comical had Remus' stomach not started twisting itself into knots. She seemed to take his awkwardly stiff phraseology in stride, though. "Erm... How lovely... What is it?"

Severus shifted his weight on his feet, growing unsure of himself when Mary made no move to take the pot from him. "An invisible dusk-blooming choke vine. It shouldn't cause much trouble so long as it is kept at least three feet away from anything that it can grab. I should be particularly careful that it cannot reach the necks of unsuspecting passerby... Here." He thrust the pot at her and she had no choice but to take it. 

"Er, yes, quite lovely." She gave a startled shriek and flinched holding the pot as far away from her body as she could. Apparently the invisible plant was attempting to grope her face. Remus struggled not to smile; her expression really was quite comical. "I shall have to put this in the green house... Erm, why don't you both make yourselves comfortable? John can show you to the sitting room while I take care of this and then check on the goose." She flinched and twisted her head again. It would be hard to explain that Severus was actually trying to be thoughtful with his choice of gift, so he just shook his head and let it pass. Besides, Remus had other explanations to make that were a little higher priority, such as explaining to Severus why he hadn't mentioned him to his parents before they showed up on the doorstep. He was getting much better at seeing and interpreting the brief flashes of emotion that were so easy to miss in Severus' face. 'Hurt Apprehension' was a good descriptor for the look that had accompanied the mention of Sirius' name and Remus again felt like an arse for not mentioning to Severus that he'd forgotten to tell his parents about him.

Remus tried to catch Severus' eyes to send him an apologetic look, but the dark eyes refused to meet his own as they both followed his father to the sitting room. Remus' discomfort only increased when Severus refused to sit down in the offered chair and drifted swiftly towards a corner where he could stand and watch both of the entrances into the room as well as the front windows of the house. Remus knew this was just a part of Severus that was as ingrained as breathing, a symptom of the hyper-vigilance that had been ingrained into him at school, but to his parents, it could easily be misconstrued at the least as standoffish, if not defensive, suspicious, untrusting, or even deliberately rude.

Remus sighed. Whatever had made him think this was a good idea?

His father cleared his throat to break the silence. "So. Remus hasn't told us much about you."

"Clearly." His expression was perfectly neutral, his tone soft and cold, but not accusing. "I had surmised as much when you assumed that Remus was bringing Sirius Black to dinner tonight." The glare he was aiming towards Remus was more than accusing, however. It was actually pained.

Remus winced. Was it an explanation that he thought he owed Severus? More like a dissertation complete with footnotes, citations and a properly formatted bibliography.

John shifted his stance, planting his fists on his hips, weight postured as if he was ready to throw a punch. It was a stance he often took when he was about to be uncomfortably direct about something. "Look, I'm not going to beat around the bush. You don't have that queer disease, do you?"

Remus blanched. "Merlin's bollocks, Da! What the hell sort of question -- "

"Come off it, Remmy, it's one thing if you want -- if you choose to mess about with blokes, but you need to get your head out of your arse before you get hurt; that illness is all over the papers and everyone knows it's spread by gays. Your mother and I just want to know you're being safe."

Severus folded his arms across his chest, wrapping the edges of his dark robe in like a great black bat drawing its wings in to protect itself. His voice had grown quieter, as it often did when he was angry. "Well, I can clearly see who was responsible for teaching Remus to let people treat him like composting fertilizer. For a while, I had thought it to be a genetic defect rather than a learned behavior. Thank you for disabusing me of that notion. For your information, not that I consider any matters concerning my health to be any business of yours, but 'that queer disease,' as you call it, only affects Muggles. Your wife has a far greater chance of contracting it than I do."

Remus frowned. "Wait... 'queer disease'? What the hell are we on about?"

Severus didn't take his eyes off Remus' father. "Human immunodeficiency virus. It essentially damages the immune system and prevents Muggles from fighting off simple every day infections." If Remus hadn't been watching Severus' eyes so intently, he might have missed the almost imperceptible shift that signified his discomfort with the topic. "There is a potion in our world that causes a similar effect although it is quite difficult to reproduce."

"Alright, I'm not entirely sure I can see the connection between immune diseases and homosexuality." He puffed out his chest and stretched to his full height, glaring for all he was worth, his voice taking on a rarely heard frosty bitterness, "Nor do I see how that justifies you calling my boyfriend a 'queer,' Da."

If there was one thing that Remus had learned from living with Severus for more than a year, it was how to glare. Apparently, he was getting quite good at it; John shifted and looked away. 

"I wasn't saying it to be belligerent, but the question had to be asked."

"Maybe with a little more tact and less brandishing of the gauntlet next time?"

John nodded slowly, clearly a man not entirely used to backing down. "I'm sorry if my question was misconstrued as offensive. That wasn't my intention. All right?" 

Black eyes flashed in the pale face, but before Severus had so much as gotten his mouth open to reply, Remus had grabbed him by the elbow and dragged him into the hallway.

Severus kept his outraged stammer to a harsh whisper, "That was not my doing, your father was clearly intending to be provocative!"

"I know, I know. It was completely uncalled for on his part."

"That was a deliberate attack against -- oh."

"I'm on YOUR side, remember?"

Severus bit his lip and dropped his gaze, voice quiet. "Then why didn't you tell them about me? Why were they expecting Black tonight?"

Remus gazed back, sinking a little with guilt. "I know I sound like a bit of a tosser, but it actually slipped my mind," he offered, "We'd been together so long, and... it'd been so long since Sirius... it didn't occur to me I hadn't told them already, then I sent the owl and couldn't get back in touch with them after that... I'm sorry..."

"Remus..."

"I know. It will be alright, I promise. Just take a deep breath and relax. You're doing fine... I am curious about the choke vine, though."

"I thought it was a perfectly acceptable gift."

"I'm not saying that it wasn't. It's just a little... unusual, don't you think? You could have gotten her something more common. Peonies or something? I've never even SEEN a choke vine before."

"Well, no, Lupin, it wouldn't be very invisible if people went around SEEING it all the time."

"Point taken. Where did you get the toxic plants bit from?"

"Poinsettias are toxic."

"Right. I suppose they are, but that's more of an American tradition than an English one."

Severus crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow. "Holly is poisonous as well."

"Well, yes."

"As are most botanical combinations of red and green."

"True, true... Except for strawberries, of course."

Severus glared. "Naturally."

"And raspberries. And huckleberries, red bell peppers, tomatoes -- "

"Tomatoes ARE a member of the nightshade family."

"And then there's apples and cherries..."

Severus growled and rolled his eyes, a glimmer of amusement returning to their black depths. "Insolent wretch!"

Remus grinned and stole a kiss from his glowering Severus. "Point belongs to me, love."

"I will concede you the point, but only because I am quite weary of being correct ALL the time and for no other reason than that."

Remus squeezed Severus' hand. "Doing better?"

"Yes." 

Remus readjusted the lock of hair he'd been playing with earlier, deciding he liked it tucked behind the other ear. "Good. Ready for another round, you think?" 

Severus took a deep breath and let it out slowly before running a hand through his hair and mussing up all of Remus' careful adjusting. He gave a consenting nod and allowed Remus to lead him back into the sitting room and the frosty quiet that had descended on it. They sat in silence, Severus taking in the details of the room and Remus wishing that things weren't so very awkward and Remus' father looking towards the door, apparently wishing fervently for rescue. 

After some minutes, Mary Lupin was kind enough to oblige him, rubbing her hands together as she entered the room, saving her husband from the rather awkward moment. "Well! The goose is coming along just lovely! I hope you're all hungry. I made it differently from how I usually do, so it might either come out nice or a complete disaster, who knows? Mrs. Jennings from next door gave me a recipe for the stuffing that I've just been so eager to try, with apple rum and currants and a matching glaze for the -- " Mary faltered, unsure of herself for a moment. "Oh, but I don't imagine you would be the sort of gay person that would be interested in cooking..."

Severus' eyes widened and he seemed to grow an extra inch as his back stiffened. If he was a dog, his hackles might have been up. Remus just wanted to sink into the floor and die.

"And just what sort of 'gay person' would you imagine that I am? I was unaware that there were classifications."

Remus spoke up before his mother had a chance to answer. "Severus is a brilliant cook, Mum. In fact," His eyes darted a significant look towards his affronted lover, "I think it's safe to say that he is entirely responsible for how much weight I've gained this year."

Mary smiled, though it seemed rather forced. "Oh, well, that's lovely then, isn't it..."

Severus huffed out a breath, half release of tension, half annoyed incredulity. "Yes, I cook. It's what one might call a defense mechanism. Fortunately, it takes no great intellect to follow a recipe card." 

And another half-veiled insult. Remus grimaced. "What Severus means is that he brews potions for a living and that cooking food that doesn't eat through pewter or explode on contact with water is somewhat simple in comparison."

Severus' lips twitched and the black eyes finally met his. Remus smiled in return. 

John raised his eyebrows. "A potions brewer? Do you work in an apothecary then?"

"No, I'm a teacher just now. I've been teaching Potions at Hogwarts for two years."

"At Hogwarts? Don't you have to have a Master's certificate to teach potions? You seem a little young..."

Severus tilted his head in the barest form of assent and Remus grinned, happy that the subject had finally changed to one that wasn't astringently uncomfortable. 

"Actually, Severus is the youngest wizard in over six centuries to complete his Potions Mastery. The last one to achieve it so young was Nicolas Flamel himself."

Mary smiled. "Oh, well that is an achievement! Your parents must be very proud of you."

Severus said nothing and seemed to take a sudden and inexplicable interest in the nearest wall painting. Remus shrugged and said very deliberately to Severus. "Well, _I'm_ very proud you." 

"What...?" Mary asked as she took note of the uncomfortable air between them, "Was it something I said...?" After a few moments more, she leaned toward John and whispered, _"Trouble with the parents. Do you think they disowned him for being...?"_

John whispered back, "A shirt-lifter? Probably."

Severus stared at them incredulously and Remus groaned softly in mortification. His father was a rule unto his own, but his mother at least meant well, surely she did... But right this second, Remus could have cheerfully shaken her until her teeth rattled. 

"My mother is dead."

Mary's mouth froze partway to whatever she was going to say next, eyebrows raised and head tilted a bit. John stopped as well, rubbing at the back of his neck and slowly exhaling while looking aside.

"... _oh_..." Mary said, slowly nodding, " _Oh_...well... well, I'm sorry to hear... Just you and your dad, then?"

"He's... also dead."

Mary seemed as though the words had actually poked her like an invisible arrow; she shrank in her seat, slowly nodding.

John tried to help his wife out of the uncomfortable turn the conversation had taken. "What Mary means is that if they were alive, they would certainly be very proud of you, I'm sure." He coughed.

The shadows in the corner began to draw Severus back into their depths as he seemed to almost physically withdraw from the rest of the room without so much as moving even an inch. Remus cringed when he realized that his voice had taken on the dark and threatening tone reserved for when he was truly livid. "Indeed? Were you acquainted with Tobias and Eileen Snape, then, that you can speak so well for them from the afterlife?"

Remus couldn't help the soft warning growl that escaped him, "Severus."

Black eyes, dark and burning like coals flicked towards him. Remus pleaded silently with his lover to be at least understanding if not forgiving. After several moments, Severus nodded almost imperceptibly and Remus released the breath he had been holding.

Severus shook himself and the shadows around him withdrew. "As it happens, my falling out with my father had less to do with my personal proclivities and more to do with his excessive drinking and inherently quarrelsome nature. I have absolutely no doubt that had he been made abreast of my accomplishments, he would have found it to be further cause for inebriation. Now, if you don't mind, surely you must have some sort of record full of baby Remus pictures that you wish to coo over; is that not a normal function of this sort of gathering?" 

Severus was shooting Remus a vaguely harassed look that made his conscience twinge uncomfortably even as he choked at the notion of Severus looking over such an album. Was it his fault that all he could think of was the term 'blackmail material'? He quickly spoke up, "No baby pictures, please? For my sake? Why don't we go trim the Christmas tree instead?" Remus glanced around hoping his family would take the bait. 

Mary stood quickly. "You know, I think that's a marvelous idea! The tree is in the living room. John picked out a beautiful one this year!" She led the way to the living room, chatting as she left, "We have popcorn to string up and plenty of tinsel and ornaments." 

John was giving Remus a disapproving look, and Severus was indecipherable as he examined a piece of lint on his sleeve. Remus sighed, wondering how many other mini-disasters he would have to fend off before Christmas morning. As he turned to leave the sitting room, a gasp caught in his throat. There on the sideboard... 

Remus stepped forward, his fingers reaching almost against his will. There was a framed moving photograph of Sirius and himself taken just after graduation. Sirius was grinning and waving and Remus had his arms wrapped around him from behind, a contented and peaceful smile on his face as he rested his chin on Sirius' shoulder. 

Remus' fingers traced over the photograph as the image began to blur in his vision. He tried to blink the tears away, but the picture of them together had caught him entirely by surprise. He took a shuddering breath and let it out, trying not to make any noise to alert anyone to his distress. 

He should have known that it was no use. Severus noticed everything. 

Remus gasped when thin arms wrapped protectively around him and pulled him back against a warm, firm chest. In the space of a moment, Remus went from feeling alone and adrift in the world to feeling safe and protected. And warm. For some reason, Severus always made him feel warm.

Severus didn't speak, just held him until the knot in his throat relaxed enough to let him breathe again, then long pale fingers reached forward and gently laid the photograph face down on the sideboard, cutting off Remus' view of the smiling face of Sirius Black. He was tugged very gently away and he followed where he was led, taking the time to compose himself. By the time they reached the hallway, he was in control again and was able to walk into the living room on his own.

The tree his parents had set up in the living room was beautiful. It hadn't been cut down as many trees were. It had been dug out of the ground, roots and all, and placed in a large bucket. As a child, he'd watched the man at the Christmas tree patch with his axe, grotesque in his swing against the year-old trunk; when the _thud_ resounded throughout the yard, Remus hid his face in his father's leg and let out a frightened cry. _Another wolf thing, somehow,_ John had said; they'd only ever used live trees after that. 

Remus smiled at Severus as he trailed in last. He had evidently stayed behind to transfigure his robes into an outfit consisting of thin black trousers and a long dark frockcoat with a high stiff collar. 

Mary noticed as well. "So you decided to take off your robes after all! You look much nicer. Now, isn't that more comfortable?"

Remus snorted. The collar certainly didn't LOOK more comfortable. If anything, this new outfit was even more restricting, though he suspected that the tight fit of the clothes made him feel more secure, like wearing a suit of armor into battle.

"Hardly. It simply occurred to me that I would consider it in poor taste for a person to arrive wearing Muggle clothes to a Wizarding function and that since this would seem to be an entirely Muggle Christmas celebration, that I should likewise observe the niceties of etiquette."

John's eyes had gone flinty. "Got a problem with Muggles, Severus?"

Remus was curious to know this as well. Somehow, the subject never had come up between them, even though his mother was a Muggle. He'd never thought to ask what a pure-blooded Slytherin like Severus would have thought of them... or of him.

Severus didn't answer right away and Remus could see his black eyes calculating. "No. I do not have a problem with Muggles. That is, so long as they don't come brandishing iron pokers and torches. I will say, however, that I have a healthy mistrust of them; I've little desire to be burned at the stake by those less civilized of the species." His lips twitched up in an unpleasant smirk.

Remus flexed his jaw, trying not to grind his teeth in frustration. Yes, he could understand that his parents were inserting one foot after the other in the proverbial mouth, but Severus wasn't making this any easier.

Mary opened her mouth to say something, but Severus neatly cut her off with a disdainful sneer, "And before you feel the need to ask, I will tell you that I am not the sort of 'gay person' who feels the need to decorate things," he waved his hand dismissively towards the tree. "Feel free to proceed without me."

Remus turned away and grimly set about to stringing bits of popcorn on a long piece of fishing line, relishing the uncomfortable silence. Silence meant that Severus wasn't snarling and his parents weren't asking uncomfortable questions. Silence also meant that he could get lost in his memories. He remembered one year when they had barely enough money to put food on the table, no money at all for presents, let alone for decorations for a silly trifle of a thing as a Yule tree... But his mother had smiled and said that they would decorate their little tree anyhow and she had pulled out several old rags of shirts and cut square bits out of them to hang up instead of the shiny glass baubles and they'd used popcorn on string instead of lights and tinsel. They still used the popcorn. 

Severus watched with bored disdain, his attention wandering through the living room, from the ratty woven rug that his grandmother had left behind to the Yule log burning merrily in the fireplace to the shelves of books along the wall. 

It was Severus himself who broke the silence, his voice unusually sharp and bitter. "This is an unusual book to have around for light reading."

Remus looked over. "What's that, Sev?"

"'What To Expect When Your Wizard Is Expecting, A Spouse's Week-By-Week Guide to Surviving Male Pregnancy.' Is there something you aren't telling me, _Remmy_?" 

"Wha- huh?" Remus dropped the popcorn he was threading and came over to look over Severus' shoulder. Sure enough, he hadn't misread the title. That certainly was a book detailing the intricacies of male pregnancy. Bemused, he reached around Severus to tilt the book cover open.

The inscription on the inside of the cover was impossible to mistake as well and Remus' soul withered and shriveled a bit as he read. 

_Remmy,_

_Well, so here we are! My darling little Remmy, a father, it seems so strange, doesn't it -- you'll always be my little boy. Here's wishing you and Sirius all the best, saw this book and thought you could use it, though nothing can ever really prepare you for pregnancy, can it!_

_Love and kisses, Mum and Dad._

Remus was actually struck speechless and could do nothing but gape like a fish. He could tell by the intensity of Severus' black eyes that he was clearly awaiting an explanation, but Remus could no more string together a coherent sentence than he could stop the moon in its orbit.

Mary had the decency to sound embarrassed. "I -- bought that for Remus..."

Severus' silky voice had reached a low, dangerous timbre, "Yes -- " he said as his long fingers unraveled a slip of parchment with dangerous care from in-between the pages. He held it up for inspection, lips gradually parting. " -- just after graduation, according to the date on the receipt. Starting them a little early, weren't you?" He turned his gaze towards Remus. "Dare I ask which of you I am meant to have traumatic, psyche damaging nightmares about?"

Mary appeared decidedly uneasy. "Well, Sirius was... he wanted to bear the..."

"Why am I not surprised?"

"Well -- " she said, hands moving before her as she struggled to explain, "it's just that -- well, sometimes he'd come by -- while Remus was at work -- and... you know, we'd get... talking... and... we got to talking about what, you know, to expect, that sort of thing..."

Severus dropped his voice low enough that only Remus could hear his complaint, "I may vomit."

Remus grimaced. "Mum, perhaps we should talk about something else..."

"Right...! Right," Mary said, nodding, "so have you given thought to starting your own family, then?"

"We're NOT -- "

"We haven't -- "

Remus and Severus traded looks, Severus' harassed and accusing, Remus' entreating clemency.

"Mum, we really haven't discussed it and, well, to be perfectly frank, I highly doubt that -- "

"I can understand wanting to wait to give yourselves a chance to enjoy each other, but the clock is ticking, you know, and you aren't getting any younger."

"We are NOT having children!" Severus crossed his arms over his chest, irascible as a badger and as unyielding as a pillar of braided rebar.

Mary froze again, visibly starting to become annoyed by how everything she said was met with a temper. "Well, that's a shame," she said with passive aggressive sweetness, "Since Remus always spoke about wanting to have children one day, I thought..."

Severus shot a sharp look in Remus' direction. "Is that so? He has never spoken of such a desire to me, perhaps his priorities have changed now that he's an ADULT."

Remus didn't see how anybody in the room could have failed to discern the emphasis on that last word, though he wasn't certain who the jibe had been aimed at; his parents or Remus himself.

Mary set down her string of popcorn decisively, keeping a tight rein on her temper. " _Well,_ " she said, "that's just a shame, isn't it, what with so many homosexual couples who would give their left knacker for the opportunity you've got -- "

"Oh, I can imagine. Absolute droves of men all gagging for the opportunity to willingly play host to a parasite that enforces a humiliating and debilitating loss of control over bodily functions with nothing to look forward to but intense agony at par with a prolonged, concentrated Cruciatus curse, followed by an interminable period of sleepless nights and a never-ending parade of nappies covered in filth, all because society has made an ideal what in essence is self-sacrifice and falsely painted it in the heavenly light of _nurturing_. How absolutely tragic that the joy of such an endeavor is wasted on the likes of me, who would much rather dig my entrails out of my navel with a spoon than willingly subject myself to such a thing. Any higher reasoning creature with an ounce of sense would know that pregnancy, as a rule, is hardly something to aspire to. It comes as absolutely no surprise to me that Sirius Black would have just jumped at the opportunity."

Remus' jaw would have fallen unhinged to the floor had it not been attached. This was quickly progressing from Bad Idea to Worst Idea Ever. At least the worst idea since Helen thought it would be brilliant to run off with Paris of Troy. Severus was rapidly losing control of his temper, which was a feat in and of itself. Remus knew about his role as a spy during the last year of the war. Severus was a person who could kneel before You-Know-Who and lie to his face without so much as twitching. Remus couldn't understand how that stoicism had disintegrated so rapidly. You-Know-Who was a far scarier prospect than John and Mary Lupin, surely! You-Know-Who could have tortured him, could have rent his body limb from limb while he was kept alive with spells and forced to watch. There were far worse ways to die than a simple Avada Kedavra curse and You-Know-Who could have employed any one of them. The worst that his parents could do... Remus groaned inwardly at the realization. 

The worst that his parents could do was to make him feel _inadequate_ , an unworthy prospect for their only son. Why had he ever thought this would be a good idea? 

Remus cleared his throat. "Well...! Right, so I would have to sympathize with Severus, then, and since I'm not able and he isn't willing, well, there it stands. Right, Mum?"

His mother seemed weary with it all. "Right," she sighed, rubbing at her temples now as though in agreement with Remus on the Bad Idea bit without ever speaking of it aloud, "I should count myself lucky for the _precious child_ bestowed unto me...!" The sarcasm was telling enough. "Some families aren't even _graced_ with that much, let alone a grandchild...!"

 

"Mum, that isn't..." Remus wanted to bang his head against the wall. "That's not..." Remus couldn't think of the words he wanted to say. The only words in his head were an endless litany of swear words and curses.

"Just one more _casualty of the war_ , then, isn't it, Remus?"

"How exactly is our not having children a _casualty of war_?"

"If you'd _just_ stayed with Sirius - "

Severus hissed and drew himself up to his full height, like a cobra about to strike, ready to unleash the wrath of whichever minor gods he could invoke in this situation and, for the life of him, Remus couldn't think of a single way to stop it... 

But then Severus inhaled deeply and let the breath out slowly and Remus could practically SEE him pull his Occlumancy shields into place. The rage had left him to be replaced by a calm serenity. Remus was so thankful to him for getting his temper under control and so very proud of him at this moment. Once they were alone, he would tell him exactly how much. 

Mary had continued speaking, heedless of the fact that neither he nor Severus had been attuned to the conversation as they had focused on the resolution of their own mini-crisis. " -- before things got bad. Before those Death Bringers or whatever they called themselves."

"Death Eaters, you mean." Remus couldn't help but notice the way Severus' black eyes flashed behind his mask of neutrality.

"Right, Death _Eaters._ Honestly, if you want to know my two cents, they're just a bunch of thugs, just beating on innocent people because they can -- "

Remus cleared his throat again. "Er, Mum?"

"Of course, you would know better, wouldn't you? Kids _always_ know better, don't they? However did we manage to make it to this day without the profound enlightenment bestowed unto us by the next generation? If it hadn't been for those melodramatic thugs, we wouldn't have had to go away for so long, would we? You wouldn't have fallen in with those disreputable characters and I would be holding my grandson this year!"

Severus had gone still as a statue, his eyes glinting angrily in his overly pale face. Remus placed a hand to his shoulder, only to feel him flinch and shrug him off. 

"Mum, this isn't really -- " 

Severus cut him off. "Well, since we're on the subject of politics, I suppose, given your vehement dislike of Death Eaters, that you approve of these Sons of Prometheus that are gracing the Prophet these days?"

Mary did not notice the glacial aura that had descended around the room. "I don't approve of vigilantes, but I do approve of justice. If your Ministry cannot be bothered to see to it those monsters were punished appropriately for the pain and misery they caused, I don't see why people shouldn't take it upon themselves to see they get what they deserve." She flung both arms to her sides. "That's life, _Severus_...! Your ministry hasn't exactly proven itself _useful_ in ensuring that those monsters pay for their crimes, now has it?" 

If Severus had been a cat, he would have been spitting and flashing his claws. As it was, he was deadly still, stiff backed and drawn up to his full and not inconsiderable height, chin tilted up so that he could just so subtly glare down the side of his not inconsiderable nose. 

His tone had gone soft and quiet as it always seemed to do when Severus was about to lose control of his temper. "It's funny. You certainly do not strike me as the sort of Muggle who would condone the burning of witches and wizards. Or do you honestly believe they will stop at the simple destruction of property and livelihood?"

John shifted, eyes narrowed, again stepping forward to place himself between Severus and Mary. "Are you a Death Eater sympathizer, then?"

Severus glanced at Remus. "A sympathizer? No. Not at all. However, you might wish to discuss Death Eater sympathies with your son. Excuse me a moment." With another sharp look, Severus swept himself out of the room, the very shadows flickering as he passed. 

Remus sighed, running a hand through his shaggy brown hair. It was official: this had been the absolute worst idea in the history of bad ideas. Remus had seen enough of the Marauders' bad ideas come to fruition to feel that he had some authority on the subject.

"Can I talk to you both in the kitchen for a moment?"

Remus' parents followed reluctantly, as though weary with how Remus had managed to bring aggravation into their house, and how, on top of that, now he was telling them where they should be and why. John wasn't going to acknowledge him with speech and instead leaned back against the counter as though waiting irritably for this to be over.

"I..." Remus started, suddenly timid as he busied himself pulling the punch bowl out of the same cupboard it had been in since he was a child. He set about making the Christmas Punch, filling the bowl with his mother's homemade eggnog and vanilla ice cream.

Mary slipped in the other kitchen door, a photo album clutched to her chest; evidently, she thought they would need it the way the night was progressing.

"Look," Remus finally said, now pulling ginger ale out of the fridge to add to the eggnog; he was glad to have something to busy himself with. "I... I've thought about this, and... and... Well, I'm never going to be able to really please you, am I?"

"Sirius was -- "

"Mum, come off it. You didn't like Sirius when I was with him, either. As a boyfriend _or_ as a friend. It would be nice, you know, if I could just bring somebody home just one time without my parents being disapproving and overly critical -- "

"Guess you'll just have to find yourself new parents then, won't you?" John said, decidedly bemused.

"Dad..." Remus said, "can you lot please just _listen_...?" He raised a hand, pointing towards the living room, the last room that Severus had occupied, " _This_ is who I'm dating. _This_ is the bloke I'm with. I can't just _choose_ someone according to how well my parents might like him. If I did, I would be sitting here with a pretty, young witch without a thought in her head but the latest Witch Weekly articles while I miserably pretended to be something that I'm not! Look, I know that Severus isn't the sort of person you would LIKE to have for -- It's just... I didn't come here tonight just so that I could play mediator the whole evening."

"Remus, we've invited this _friend_ of yours into our home, and he's done nothing since he's arrived but insult your mother and me. I don't know what you've been up to while we've been away or what kind of friends you've been with, but I, for one, am tired of all this."

Remus sprinkled nutmeg over the top of the punch and added pomegranate seeds for garnish. It was a recipe that he'd loved ever since he was a tiny boy and one of his favorite things about Christmas. When he and Sirius had spent their first Christmas together last year, it was Sirius who’d made a point about getting the tree, but Remus insisted on having a giant bowl full of Christmas Punch. Now, he couldn't even have THIS to himself without thinking about bloody Sirius.

"Nice of you to have mentioned breaking up with Sirius, too, while we're at it." Mary jeered, still as irritated as before, "You could've taken five seconds out of your busy schedule to let us know you were in a different relationship now. Or don't you think that we have a right to know who we're inviting into our home? We'd only just accepted that you and Sirius were together and now you throw an entirely new one at us? What was wrong with your first one?"

Remus looked away, grinding his teeth for a moment before taking a calming breath. "I don't want to talk about him, Mum. I'm with Severus now."

"Some trade up you've made there, isn't it?"

He didn't wait to hear what she was about to say, he just grabbed the punch bowl to carry out into the sitting room where he thought Severus was waiting. Only Severus wasn't waiting. He was hiding. Remus set the bowl down on the wooden sideboard next to the overturned photograph and made his way past the more obvious hiding spaces (he wasn't behind the curtains or under the dining room table, unfortunately) and knocked softly on the bathroom door. "Severus?" 

No answer was forthcoming. Remus sighed and cast an _Alohomora_ on the lock and opened the door. Severus was standing on the toilet seat lid and holding a lit cigarette up to the tiny window near the ceiling that he had somehow pried open. Severus' dark eyes were unreadable in this light, but his body language spoke volumes. One arm was wrapped protectively around his chest. He took a long drag from the cigarette and blew the smoke towards the window. 

"Stealing a smoke in the boys' room, Severus?"

Severus ignored the jibe. "You can tell your mother that I do not consider myself the 'bitch' in this relationship and that if she wants grandchildren, she can fucking fish them out of a fucking orphanage like every other desperate female with a maternal itch to scratch. And another thing! One other VERY important thing; I AM NOT SIRIUS FUCKING BLACK!" He took another agitated puff from his cigarette.

"Oh, love, I never expected you to be." Remus stepped forward and held up a hand to help Severus off the toilet seat, which he took reluctantly.

"No? Then why would you bring me here? Why didn't you even tell them it was I and not Black that you were bringing tonight? Why would you subject me to this?" Severus jerked his hand away, suddenly seized by restless fury. "I don't belong here, Remus! I just don't...I don't fucking fit here, don't you understand? I can't fucking do this!" 

Cold dread settled in Remus' gut and he found it suddenly difficult to swallow. His voice was quiet, tentative, lest the answer be one that he did not want to hear. "No, I can't say that I do understand, love. What part doesn't fit? What can't you do?" 

Severus flapped his free hand gracefully in the air, an all-inclusive gesture, while he took another long drag off the cigarette and blew the smoke out through his nose. "Any of this... All of it... I'm just not meant for ANY of this!" 

He was more distressed now than Remus had ever seen him. Even during their school years together, when he had been daily harassed by James and Sirius, Remus had only ever seen Severus give in to a spitting rage on a few spare occasions. This frustrated melancholy was a new emotion and it worried Remus greatly. He swallowed, "And by 'this' you mean... do you mean us?"

Severus tilted his chin down so that his hair swung into his face to hide his eyes and his arms wrapped around his torso again. "I don't... I don't know, Remus. This... this family thing... I know how much you like children, but I can't...!" He turned and stepped towards the bathtub, then turned and stepped back towards the toilet, pacing what little space there was in the bathroom with two grown men occupying it, seeming even more agitated for the frustrated turning. "Look,.... The whole... the whole prospect abhors me! If I was... I know... that... Merlin's beard, wolf... it's just another... Not even to make you happy, Remus, I couldn't... I had thought, up until tonight, that if there was anything in the world that I could do to make you happy, I would do it without hesitation, but... I can't do that Remus. Just another fucking inadequacy to add to the list..." Severus had stopped pacing and was hugging himself again, face entirely hidden by the sleek black hair. 

Remus bit his lip then stepped forward. He carefully plucked the cigarette from Severus' hand and dropped it into the sink. Then he tugged at Severus' hands, pulling them away from his body so he could insinuate himself into Severus' arms. He wrapped his own arms around the thin waist and rested his head in the crook of his neck; he'd always felt comforted by how he just seemed to fit there. Remus held in a sigh of relief when the long graceful fingers began tracing soothing patterns across his back rather than push him away. 

"You're not inadequate, love."

Severus took a deep shuddering breath. "I know I'm not much to look at, and I'm not charming by any stretch of the imagination. I don't like children and would run screaming from the room at the prospect of having one of my own. I am the living embodiment of everything your mother DOESN'T want in a son-in-law... and let's not forget the fact that I'm a former sodding Death Eater." He glanced down at his left forearm where the Dark Mark had been, still covered by the sleeves of his black coat, before turning his head away in disgust and choking out a sound that was half laugh and half sob. "As if I COULD forget... I cannot even fault her for her disappointment. Compared to Sirius fucking Black, I cannot help but seem a poor replacement."

Remus growled softly, "Severus... You. Are NOT. A replacement."

"No? That seems to be the overarching theme of this evening..."

"I'm so sorry, love. I'm sorry I put you in this position. Mum and Da will come around, I promise. And if that... well, if that means that I need to let them get their heads on straight before I come back to see them again, well that's just what I'll do, alright?" 

"I don't understand... Why?"

"Why what?"

"You said... you said that _family_ was important at Christmas."

"Family IS important at Christmas, but, Severus... well, you and I are also a little family, aren't we? I'll never properly please my parents, no matter who I'm with. If I can't please them, I should sodding please myself, right? I'm well pleased being with you."

The arms around Remus squeezed him gently then a hand reached up to run long, slender fingers through his hair. "I suppose that I'm well pleased being with you, too. I AM trying, but..."

"But you aren't very good at the whole family thing," Remus finished for him with a rueful smile. "I understand. I'm grateful that you're trying. To be honest, they aren't exactly going out of their way to make it any easier, either. Is there anything I can do to make things better, at least to help you make it through dinner?"

Severus shook his head. 

"Are you sure? Not even if I..." Remus nibbled lightly at the slim expanse of neck that was just barely accessible above the rim of his collar. Severus shivered in his arms and Remus took that as permission to undo the top button and expose even more skin for nibbling purposes. 

"Remus..."

"I've got a bit of an idea..." He dropped his hand down to caress the awakening bulge in Severus' pants, causing him to groan and arch into his touch. Remus nibbled and sucked hard on the skin of his lover's neck, nipping just enough to know that he would leave a mark. "We could do something that would have you thinking dirty, nasty thoughts all through dinner time. You'll be so focused on getting home and repeating the performance that nothing else will matter."

"And what -- " Severus groaned in frustration when the friction across his growing erection was taken away. " -- sort of performance would that be?"

Remus grinned wickedly. He dropped his voice to a sultry murmur, "Turn around and place your hands on the towel bar." 

Severus raised an eyebrow in question.

"Don't make me tell you twice," Remus growled. 

Severus hastened to comply, placing his hands on the towel rack and instinctively spreading his legs. There was something about Remus' growl that never failed to coax Severus into a frenzy of passion.

Remus growled softly again under his breath as he pressed himself against Severus from behind, running his hands down his chest and sides, then stooping to run them up the outside of his thighs. He pressed his groin firmly against Severus' arse, encouraged by the tiny whimper of delight that escaped his lover's lips. 

He licked at Severus' earlobe, then whispered softly. "Now, pay close attention." He muttered a charm that made the wall in front of them flicker then turn transparent. They could see clearly into the kitchen where John and Mary were making last minute preparations on the side dishes. 

Severus' breath hitched. "Remus...!"

"Don't worry, love. They can't see in here. It's one way as long as I can keep the charm up. If I lose my concentration, though, it's fifty-fifty whether the wall goes back to normal or disappears entirely. Oh, and you might want to be quiet. I expect they could hear us if they really listened for it." 

He rubbed his palm firmly down the front of Severus' pants, causing him to arch back against him, biting his lip to keep from making a noise. 

"That's right, love." Remus deftly worked his fingers, unzipping his fly and inching the tight trousers down along with his pants until his erection sprang free. Severus gasped and Remus covered his mouth with his hand. "Shh, love... Shh." He used his other to grasp the hot flesh of his cock in a firm grip and Severus' eyes flickered closed as he moaned silently against Remus' palm. He stroked down then back up, pinching the foreskin and tugging on it just enough to make Severus tremble and catch his breath. "You like that, don't you?"

"Mmm... Like it? No -- Fucking love it...!"

Remus grinned. "Do you love it enough to let me fuck you like this, right in front of this wall? I don't know if I can hold the charm through an orgasm... especially not if it's you that comes first. I'm not sure I could maintain a sufficient level of concentration with your gorgeous, tight arse clenching around me, your body thrashing against mine as you lose control and jerk yourself off in my hand... God, I want you, Severus..." He licked and nuzzled that delicious neck again.

Severus was breathing shallowly, his body rigid and his eyes closed. "Want you too, Remus..." 

Remus squeezed Severus' erection just firm enough to be arousing, just gentle enough to be maddening, as he slid his fist slowly down to the base and back up again, once more playing with the foreskin when he reached the tip, pushing it back to rub precome around the sensitive head with his thumb.

"Do you want me enough to risk being seen? After all, just one teensy, tiny slip of the mind and there will be nothing at all to keep my mum and dad from seeing just how much you like having my cock shoved up your arse."

Severus went still and Remus could tell that his quick mind was calculating the odds and weighing the factors involved in the ability to maintain a charm as complicated as a one way transparency while... otherwise occupied. 

Remus grinned wickedly, whispering softly into his ear, setting the trap that he knew his lover would fall for; hook, line and sinker. "We don't have to if you're afraid, love."

Severus glared over his shoulder and wordlessly banished his clothes to a neat pile on the toilet seat so that he was perfectly naked in Remus' still fully clothed embrace. He tilted his chin back to give Remus a smirk, hands still in place on the towel rack. "Just wondering what you were going to use for lube, DEAREST. If you think you're going to get away with hand soap this time, you can fucking think again."

"How many times must I apologize for that? I was a little caught up and wasn't thinking clearly, and even if I had been, it wouldn't have occurred to me that -- "

"That what? That the LYE soap I keep in my laboratory is designed specifically to strip contaminants off a person's flesh and is therefore wholly inappropriate for use in conjunction with sensitive areas?"

Remus couldn't decide which would be more appropriate, a wince or a grin. He had been in the doghouse, so to speak, for a good two weeks while Severus recovered from that particular episode. It wasn't as if he himself hadn't suffered just as poorly. He had been no more interested in that bit of his anatomy being treated for severe inflammation at St. Mungo's than Severus had. It was still a perfectly fond memory (the excruciating burning and itching accompanied by Severus' startled yelp of alarm and his subsequent mad dash for a jar of vinegar he fortunately kept on hand not-withstanding) and he had learned a very valuable lesson about the evils of using hand soap as a sexual lubricant. 

Evidently, he was taking too long in his reminiscing because Severus wriggled slightly in his embrace and rolled his shoulders forward, stretching his back muscles leisurely without removing his hands from the towel rack and then bending ever so innocently forward so that Remus could have an unobstructed view of his arse and the wide black flange of silicone that protruded from it. 

Remus growled in delight, running a finger lightly up the base of the butt plug that Severus had evidently been wearing since before their departure from Spinner's End. "Severus Tobias Snape, you naughty, wicked man... You've been holding out on me." He tapped his fingers hard against the toy, knowing that the tiny jolts of impact would make Severus' toes curl as his prostrate was stimulated. "Whatever the hell am I going to do with you?"

Severus hadn't taken his eyes off of the transparent wall beyond which Mary was determinedly mashing potatoes, oblivious to their heated actions so nearby. "Oh... well, you could punish me, I suppose. Or fuck me. Or punish me then fuck me... Or perhaps even fuck me THEN punish me, and then fuck me all over again. Either way, there should most assuredly be a lot of fucking involved."

"And the punishment?"

Severus huffed at him. "You don't think being here is punishment enough?"

Remus growled and smacked him smartly on one pale, perfectly rounded arse cheek. Severus gasped and dropped his head a bit. His voice was beginning to take on the husky quality it always did when he was thoroughly and painfully aroused. "Perhaps you could do that a few more times and I will consider myself well and truly chastised."

"I think I will." He stroked his thumb over the pink tinge of a handprint just forming on the creamy white skin. "But not until after we get home." Severus managed to stifle his whimper of disappointment, but Remus could feel it in every tremble of his body. "It wouldn't be much of a punishment if I didn't make you suffer just a little bit. I think the agony of anticipation should suffice, don't you?" Remus stroked his hand through Severus' sleek, soft hair, pulling it back away from his neck so he could place another tender and enticing series of kisses and licks on that delicate patch below his ear and behind his jawbone.

Severus let loose his own soft growl that shot blood straight to Remus' groin, making him achingly hard, "Yes, well, you'll be 'agonizingly anticipating' the next time you're going to get laid if you don't get a move on, wolf."

"So impatient. Well, if shagging rights are at stake, I guess I'll just have to accommodate. Have to do something about this, first..." He began working the silicone plug, easing it slowly out of Severus' body, twisting it just a little to help slide the wide flare past the tight ring of muscle. 

When it finally slid free, Remus let out an impressed whistle and placed it in the sink to thoroughly clean later. "I don't know what impresses me more, love; the fact that you've been walking around my parents' house with this monster inside you without any of us the wiser -- without ME the wiser -- or that you've evidently managed to keep this thing hidden in the sock drawer."

Severus shot a smug smirk over his shoulder and wriggled evocatively. "Makes you wonder what else I have hidden, doesn't it?"

Remus growled. "I'm about to find out."

He dropped to his knees and unceremoniously licked a long trail from just behind Severus' balls up along his perineum before unceremoniously shoving his tongue inside Severus' stretched and ready entrance. Severus choked back a cry, his entire body going rigid at Remus' sensual invasion of his body. Remus moaned in delight and very slowly thrust his tongue in and out, able to maintain the steady movement for only a short time before the bitter, musky flavor that seemed chemically designed to drive him crazy overwhelmed his senses. Soon enough, he was lapping and slurping, desperate to get more of his lover's uniquely arousing flavor. Severus whimpered and mewled, his knuckles corpse white from the grip he had on the towel rack, his face twisted in what could almost be called a grimace if it hadn't been caused by such intense pleasure. 

"Th - that's enough... Remus! Need you... need you now...! Please...!"

With a final lick and a smile like the cat that got the cream, he leaned back on his heels and stroked his palm gently up Severus' thigh. 

"Please? Please what?"

Severus growled through clenched teeth. "Please be advised, wolf, that I am going to count to three and if your penis is not firmly seated in my rectum, so help me -- AAAGHHHH!" There was no holding back the scream this time as Remus swiftly stood, divested himself of trousers and entered his lover to the hilt in one swift, graceful movement of fluid motion. He held Severus tight against him with one arm around his chest and the other palm belatedly covering his mouth to muffle his cries. 

Beyond the transparent wall, Mary looked up from the mashed potatoes, startled. "Remus? Is everything alright? Was that you screaming?"

Severus trembled in his arms and Remus cleared his throat before calling loudly, "It's fine, Mum! Just stubbed my toe on the counter! I'm alright!"

She frowned, seeming as if she was not quite sure she believed him, and shook her head before transferring the potatoes to a serving bowl and moving to the other side of the kitchen. 

Remus let out the breath he'd been holding and chuckled, feeling Severus' lips move against his hand, forming the words, 'Stubbed your toe?'

He moved the hand covering Severus' mouth so he could stroke his fingers through his glossy, black hair, whispering against his cheek as he began to move inside him, "I thought you were going to be quiet."

Severus dropped his head back against Remus' shoulder, closing his eyes and giving into short, panting breaths that came in time with the short, leisurely thrusts that Remus liked to use when he was feeling particularly cuddlesome. Severus' voice was a husky rasp, "Don't pretend... you've never been... been compelled to HOWL before, fuzz ball." Remus's soft laugh turned into a sharp gasp as Severus clenched his muscles around his cock. "Less laughing, more fucking if you don't mind." 

"Why you demanding, little slut..." Remus growled playfully, his hand trailing down to splay across Severus' exposed and vulnerable throat, squeezing lightly to remind his lover just who exactly was in charge. Severus gasped, his eyes fluttering with arousal. "If that's the game you want to play..." 

Remus kept his hand at Severus' neck and wrapped the other arm around his waist, lengthening his strokes until he was pounding into Severus with enough force to jerk him forward into his grip, restricting his air for just a moment with each thrust. It was a trick that never failed to have Severus panting with lust, gasping, "Harder... Merlin, harder, Remus, please..." 

Remus was nothing if not accommodating, especially when Severus made those desperate mewling noises of his, and he grasped Severus by the hips with both hands, using his grip to add more leverage and to pull himself deeper. Severus rocked his hips back with every thrust, grunting with every impact of Remus' pelvis and every slap of Remus' balls against his arse. Harder, deeper, faster, faster, _faster!_

It was a ruthless pace that neither could maintain for long, a rhythm that wasn't so much familiar as it was simply well-rehearsed and often practiced. It was a brutal contest to see which one of them could force an orgasm out of the other first. 

Unfortunately for Remus, Severus had the advantage this round. Between the concentration required to keep the wall from disappearing entirely as well as the thought of Severus and that damned butt plug that he'd kept hidden beneath his clothes for half the bloody night, Remus was rapidly losing the contest. Of course the best part of this game was the fact that there were never any shortages of rematches. He leaned forward and clamped his teeth down of Severus' shoulder to muffle his own cry of release as he spent himself with a final hard thrust and promptly felt the world greying around the edges.

When he opened his eyes, Severus was leaning over him, face flushed and sweating, a smirk that spoke entirely of smug satisfaction plastered on his face. "All right? You seem a little peaked."

"Go ahead and gloat about it, you smug fucking twat, I SHALL be avenged..." Severus helped him to sit up. "Did I really just pass out?"

"I would have used the phrase 'fainted like a girl' but if 'passing out' makes you feel more manly... You did have this rather absurd grin plastered to your face for a few moments. I can only assume you enjoyed yourself?"

"Absolutely, love... Oh, bollocks! The wall!"

"Don't worry, I took care of it."

Remus frowned in confusion. "Took care of it...?" 

Severus nodded, his smugness factor increasing a notch. "I was able to assume control of the charm just as you began to let it fall. The wall flickered for a moment, but went unnoticed."

Remus looked over to the pile of clothes on the toilet seat. "But... without your wand... how?"

Severus raised an eyebrow. "The powers of a disciplined mind can seem extraordinary to the unaware. The human brain houses untold potential that is there for the tapping. If you would let me teach you Occlumancy, you would have had no difficulty maintaining enough concentration to hold that spell... in SPITE of your rather unmanly fainting spell."

Remus struggled to his feet with Severus' arm at his elbow to help support him as he gained his balance. "You truly are a specimen among men, love. You'll forgive me if I prefer to remain uninitiated and therefore constantly and thoroughly impressed with you."

Severus tilted his head down in a subtle nod of assent, then waved his hand to summon his wand. 

Remus grabbed his arm. "Wait... Before you cast that cleansing charm..." He grinned wickedly. He took the plug from the sink and rinsed it off quickly while Severus watched him intently. "I think I want you to keep this in tonight." He used a hand to turn Severus away from him, then used the tip of the plug to catch the semen that had begun to trail slowly down his inner thighs. "I can't get over the idea of you sitting down to dinner with my parents with my come coating your insides and this plug in your arse keeping it there. You like that idea?"

Severus had shivered. "You have a truly wicked imagination. You ARE going to need more than just your sperm as lubricant, I'm afraid, and there is still the matter of hand soap..."

"Don't worry, I grabbed something while I was in the kitchen."

"Remus John Lupin, if you think you are getting anywhere near me with a crock of butter -- "

"No, it's not butter, silly." Remus pulled the jar of grape seed oil from his pocket and poured a hefty amount over the silicone toy before working it back in while Severus shifted and wriggled until the plug was once again fully inserted. "There! My come. Your plug. Mum's grape seed oil. It's a beautiful thing."

"Deviancy begins at home." Severus smirked at him. "At least you have better taste than to use olive oil." He cast a cleansing charm on the both of them, as well as the floor, the wall, and the sink, then quickly redressed himself. 

As he was buttoning his collar up, Remus stopped him, tracing a fingertip gently around the faint marks on his throat. He knew from experience that marks like that would darken to bruises later and he winced. "I didn't hurt you, did I?"

Severus grinned, an eyebrow raised in sardonic amusement. "You must have missed the part where I enjoyed it."

"I'm so -- "

"DAT!" Severus practically leaped toward him and slapped a hand across his mouth. "No apologizing!"

Remus tried to apologize again, but the words were muffled by Severus' palm.

"What did I just say?"

Remus sighed and dropped his gaze, trying not to look contrite. 

Severus grinned and dropped his hand so he could finish buttoning his collar. "Good boy." When he was finished, the only thing that Remus could see that gave away that they had been up to anything was the blush of color in Severus' cheeks and the happy glimmer in his dark eyes. "Ready then?"

Remus nodded and moved to open the door, but was caught by the arm and pulled back against Severus' chest where he was kissed thoroughly and gently. It was the sort of kiss that made warmth bloom in Remus' chest and reminded him that he absolutely and unreservedly loved the dark man in his arms. 

Severus' voice was a quiet, tender murmur, "Thank you, Remus."

Remus flashed him a wide smile. "I love you, too." He kissed him quickly on the lips and opened the door. 

John and Mary were making themselves busy just outside, their horrified recrimination evident in the way that they were both studiously avoiding looking at them.

Remus smiled sheepishly. "Umm... I was just showing Severus the, uh... the tile that you put in here. We were thinking of redoing our master bath with similar colors."

Severus crossed his arms, raising an eyebrow at Remus before tilting his chin up and sneering for all he was worth. "Before you get any ideas, you may set your mind at ease that I am NOT the sort of 'gay person' who overcompensates by developing an interest in the manly subjects of tools and home improvement." He swept past them and into the dining room, not sparing a glance for either. 

Remus sighed. "I think he's warming up to you. Really. That was very nearly a joke, I promise." He almost wilted under the angry look his father was shooting towards him and the uncertain worry on his mother's face. He sighed. "Please, just tell me that dinner's ready..." He stopped himself just in time before adding, 'so we can hurry up and get this evening over with.' 

Mary looked relieved at the change of subject. "Everything's already set up in the dining room, we were just coming to get you." 

"Oh, good! Shall we then?" He took his mother's arm before she could protest and led her into the dining room. 

Severus already sat, stiff-backed and proud, in one of the seats, still but for the rhythmic tapping of his long fingers against the polished wood table. Remus imagined he could make out one of Beethoven's more violent pieces in the pattern that was being tapped on the table. Somehow, by luck or intuition, Severus had chosen the side of the long dining table that had always belonged to Remus when he was growing up and was therefore already conveniently located just next to where Remus had been intending on sitting anyway. He twisted his head back to glance at them when he heard them enter before focusing his attention again on the far wall. "Your duck smells passably decent." The compliment seemed forced from him through clenched teeth, but he had made the effort. Remus couldn't fault him for trying.

Mary was startled for a moment before she sat down at what had always been her place at the table since Remus was a boy. "Well, thank you, Severus... but I'm afraid it’s a goose and not a duck."

Severus arched an eyebrow. "Indeed? Your grocer might have cheated you. It's certainly small enough to be a duck."

Remus cleared his throat. "Severus, love?"

"Yes Remmy, darling?" There was just enough challenge in Severus' sarcastic delivery of the endearment that Remus wilted and shook his head, backing down. Perhaps this was an argument best left for when they were home.

Mary's smile seemed forced as she held a tight rein on her temper. "So sorry it doesn't live up to your size expectations; I bought it expecting it would only be John and me for Christmas dinner, Remus' letter came a little late. Surely you understand."

"Ah, I see. I had no intention of insulting the stature of your goose, but it's diminutive size and your choice of glaze conspired to present me with misapprehensions. I will admit to knowing little about how a Christmas goose ought to be cooked, but the research I have done suggests a glaze favoring oranges and sweet wine. Your choice of honey and ginger seems more befitting a duck to me. I will admit that I fail to see how either is appropriate with apple rum and currant stuffing, regardless of what your Mrs. Jennings has to say."

Mary's mouth dropped open. Remus couldn't tell if it was from amazement or effrontery. It could easily have been either.

Severus gave her a smile that would have made granite jealous. "As I said, however, I am no expert on holiday epicurean matters. I'm certain that it's fine."

John very nearly snarled as he scooped potatoes onto his place. "Of course it's fine! Mary's the best sodding cook I've met."

Severus nodded his head in acquiescence. "You are obviously a very devoted couple who have had little need or desire to experiment in that respect."

It was Mary who spoke up then, eyes squinting with stifled irritation. "And just what, pray tell, would you mean by that?"

Severus let his hair swing forward to hide his eyes as he scooped stewed Brussels sprouts onto his plate. "Nothing, other than that I find your husband's faithful devotion to your cooking both charming and impressive."

Remus sighed, dishing food onto his own plate with resigned unease. He had hoped their quick shag in the loo would have improved Severus' mood. What he had forgotten is that an improved mood was not always a good thing if one wished to avoid thinly veiled insults. A Severus Snape in a good mood was a Severus Snape that would happily rend flesh from the nearby unsuspecting with his razor sharp tongue. A grouchy and insecure Severus would have been defensive, but at least he would have kept his extraneous comments to himself. Now he was being positively chatty and Remus was almost tempted to say that it made matters worse.

Mary took the bit between her teeth and plowed on, determined to keep any sort of conversation at all. "You said you know little about Christmas dinners. Does that mean you're Jewish?"

Severus choked out a laugh. "No, I'm not Jewish." He glanced quickly at Remus, letting his unspoken thought -- _and I have the penis to prove it_ \-- linger in his eyes just long enough to cause Remus to almost choke on his own saliva. "I was raised C of E."

"Didn't your parents celebrate Christmas, then?"

"No." He turned his attention to his meal and that seemed, for a moment, to be all he would say on the subject. "My father was a mill-worker. He had neither the time, the money, nor the inclination to engage in such frivolities. As I said earlier, anything that didn't involve drinking his paycheck away at the pub was often seen as a complete waste of his energy." Again, his hair fell into his eyes. "The last time we celebrated Christmas, I was four."

Remus was almost hesitant to ask. "Why? What happened?"

"My father found out that I was a freak. He was not best pleased by the revelation and spent the majority of the night trying to 'fix' me. I guess none of us thought Christmas was really worth bothering about much after that. Hard to see the joy in it when your father thinks you're the spawn of Satan and your mother blames you for destroying her marriage."

Remus had to consciously work to unclench his jaw. He had heard enough on other occasions to know exactly what Severus meant when he said his father had tried to 'fix' him. He also knew that if Tobias Snape weren't already dead, Remus himself would be hard-pressed not to murder the tosser. 

John cleared his throat, cautiously attempting to navigate that mine-field of a conversation. "A mill-worker, you say? I rather thought all of you people were the pure-blooded sort."

To be perfectly honest, Remus had thought so, too. If the subject of Remus' half-blooded heritage had never come up, it was safe to say that neither had Severus'. What little Remus knew about Severus' family had been learned piecemeal, bit by cryptic bit. This was the first time Severus had actually spoken of his home life using more than seven words at a time.

Severus turned a frosty gaze towards Remus' father. "And by 'you people,' of course you mean...?"

Remus spoke up quickly. "Slytherins! Right, Da? I didn't think Slytherin House took on any wizards that weren't pedigreed back at least ten generations."

John chewed slowly, nodding in agreement, though both Remus and Severus knew that he had been referring to his status as a Death Eater. Severus glared for a few seconds longer. "No. Nor am I the only _half-breed_ to have been placed there." His venomous emphasis on the word 'half-breed' made Remus wonder if the rest of Slytherin House knew of his blood status and had harassed him about it or if that was honestly how he saw himself. "It is a common misconception, though an unsurprising one. As in... MANY things... there are sometimes exceptions made to the general rule. I tend to find myself in similar positions quite often. Of course you and your family must be quite aware of the discomfort of being judged by a blind, prejudicial misconception." 

The table grew uncomfortably quiet as John and Mary exchanged glances. 

Remus sighed. "Severus means to say that -- "

"I'm speaking of your decision to live in Muggle society, of course. Whatever did you think I meant?"

"Severus, love, you aren't playing fair and you know it."

"Fair? I don't recall there being any rules set down to this game beforehand. A game with no rules by definition can neither be fair nor unfair."

"And you're still being a git. Could you please tone it down a little?"

Severus huffed a sigh of displeasure, pushing his food around his plate in a decidedly sulky manner. The dinner proceeded in uncomfortable silence for a few solid minutes before Severus spoke again, "Your Brussels sprouts are not entirely unpalatable, though I have a recipe for a less soggy outcome that I wouldn't be adverse to sharing. I've also found that adding parsnips to one's mashed potatoes makes for a healthier, less starchy dish with a richer flavor." It was as close to an olive branch as Severus was likely to give.

Remus could almost hear his father's teeth grinding. "If the food is that much of an imposition to you, Severus, I'm sure there's a McDonald's open somewhere this late on Christmas Eve. You might be able to find something more palatable there."

Remus could clearly envision the olive branch going up in flames. 

Mary rubbed slowly at her temples, visibly wishing for this evening to be over, too. 

"I'll be glad to exchange recipes with you, Severus," 

There was no mistaking the fact that Severus' feathers were ruffled, his face a set mask to disguise the brief flash of hurt that Remus was sure only he had seen. "One does not expect reciprocation when one is donating to charity." He calmly set his napkin on the table and rose, exiting the room with all the stiff dignity of an affronted cat.

Remus tossed his own napkin down as well, leaning back in his chair, face tilted towards the ceiling, eyes closed as he prayed for the strength to finish off the evening. His voice and his mannerisms undoubtedly reflected how weary and how anxious he was to just call it a night and go home. "I'm sorry, Mum. I know you're trying. I know HE'S trying... Hell, everybody's trying, aren't they? Fucking hell..."

He stood and followed Severus out into the sitting room. Severus stood by the window, looking out into the night, arms wrapped tightly around himself again. 

Remus walked over to the sideboard and filled two cups with the Christmas punch that had been sitting forlornly on the sideboard, yet to be touched. He offered a cup full of the eggnog to Severus. "Have some punch."

"I'm not thirsty." 

Remus waved the cup under his nose, attempting to entice him. "But it's very tasty..."

"I abhor eggnog."

"But this is GOOD eggnog."

Severus sniffed in disdain, tilting his nose up. "It all tastes equally detestable to me, therefore I thank you and will respectfully decline."

"Severus..."

"Don't growl at me, wolf, I said I'm not drinking it." 

The Lupins had entered slowly and together as if they had been preparing themselves for another round of verbal sparring and were presenting a unified front to deal with the first volley from the opposition. It was John who spoke up. "So, you know about Remus' furry little problem, then?"

Severus whirled towards him with enough speed to make the edges of his coat flap out, his eyes flashing dangerously. "Excuse me?"

"Remmy's lycan -- " 

"Yes, I know to what it was that you referred, however, I fail to see how you can bring yourselves to make light of such a thing! 'Furry little problem' indeed! You make it sound as if he suffers from some obscure and persistent toe fungus."

"Severus, stop." Remus positioned himself to stand directly between his seething lover and his stricken parents. "They don't mean it as an insult and I dare say they have even more cause than you to take my illness seriously."

Severus turned his blazing black eyes to Remus. "Illness? Illness!? You are NOT an invalid, Lupin, you are a Dark Creature and I have a very strong objection to the use of euphemisms when discussing it!"

Mary raised an eyebrow, dangerously quiet as she stepped forth toward him. She regarded him with something like a combination of fascination and disgust. "Just who do you think you are," she seethed as she slowly scanned his body up and down, "telling me about my own son?" She stepped close to Severus, uncomfortably close, so he had to take a step back. "It's you who's belittled him, standing there all -- " she gave a nudge of her chin as a mark of revulsion, " -- PROUD and arrogant, like you're too good to breathe the same air as his family. Well, let me tell you, _Professor_ , that doesn't sit right in this house. If you can't understand that family is important, then you just don't belong here, do you?"

Remus eyes flew wide and he turned to face the new combatant in the ring. "What? NO!! Mum, that's not -- " 

He started forward, but John intercepted him, placing a restraining hand against his chest. "You be quiet!" 

Then, inexplicably, it seemed as if all the air rushed out of the room. An animalistic roar practically made the chandelier vibrate and a giant black shadow rushed forward and before Remus could make out the words, "DON'T YOU FUCKING HIT HIM!!!" Severus had John slammed into the wall with his wand clutched in a white-knuckled hand and pressed into John's face while his other hand maintained a death grip on the man's throat. His entire frame was trembling with a rage that Remus had never, ever seen before. It terrified Remus beyond anything. The cups slipped free from his suddenly nerveless fingers to spill eggnog all over the carpet.

"Sev... Severus, love... let him go... please?" He could hardly breathe around the iron bands that constricted his chest. "Please?"

Mary had shrunk back against the door frame. John held absolutely still, aware of how dangerous an animal it was that he had seemingly just provoked.

Severus made no move to let him go. His eyes were so wide that Remus could clearly see the whites around his irises, more brown than black just now with his pupils so constricted. His skin had gone corpse white and he looked, if Remus was being perfectly honest with himself, entirely unhinged. 

Remus swallowed thickly. "Severus..." He stepped forward and tentatively put his fingers on Severus' wand arm. "Severus, he wasn't going to hit me. I promise you that he has never in his life laid a finger on me. You have my word. Do you understand?" The gentle words must have breached whatever barrier had been thrown up in Severus' mind, because the eyes flicked momentarily in his direction. "That's it. Take a deep breath and let it out. Isn't that what you do with Occlumancy? Just breathe in and let it out, okay? This is John Lupin right here, do you remember? It isn't your father and he isn't going to hit me. I'm perfectly safe, I promise. Just let him go now and I can prove that to you, alright?"

The trembling arm began to lower and Remus very gently slipped Severus' wand from his loosening grasp. 

"Thank you for protecting me, Severus, but my Da isn't going to hurt me, I promise you. Let him go, please?"

Finally, after what seemed like interminable ages, Severus released the man and backed away, shaking himself from his daze. He was trembling all over and his face had taken on a green tinge now that he was aware of himself again. "I'm... I don't..." He shook his head, meeting Remus' eyes for a moment with an absolutely stricken expression. "I have to go."

Severus turned and fled the room. 

Remus, just as shaken up as anyone else was, stood rooted to the spot for a few moments before shaking himself into action and racing after him. He caught up to Severus at the door, his own face white with anguish. He grabbed Severus' arm, sudden panic forcing his carefully chosen words of placation from his head and replacing them with only the rudimentary echo of a conversation they'd had more than a year ago, "Sev," he said, breathless with exertion from running, "Sev, come on, don't do this. Don't leave me, not like this..."

Severus dropped his chin, obscuring his face with his lank black hair for a moment before forcing himself to meet Remus' eyes. He gave a thin, tight-lipped smile. "Silly wolf... I'm not leaving. I'm just going. I need to be alone for a moment." 

"Just for a moment? You're not... leaving then...?"

He reached out a hand to caress Remus' cheek softly and tenderly with the backs of his fingers. "Just the house. Never you. I promise." 

Remus managed a laugh that sounded disturbingly like a wet sob. It had been almost a word for word replica of the first time they'd really argued about anything and Severus had gone to storm out of the house. Remus had been sulking and had provoked Severus who had yelled back and stomped out. It was actually the first time that Remus had acknowledged that Severus meant more to him than just a friend, that he would be devastated if he left. 

_Just the house. Never you. I promise._

"Then I don't need to hold this hostage." Remus reached up to catch Severus' hand and placed a kiss in his palm before folding Severus' fingers around the ebony wand that Remus still held.

Severus leaned forward and kissed Remus on the forehead before slipping out the front door and closing it behind him.

Remus closed his eyes and took a breath, willing his heart to stop pounding so hard. He took another breath, surprised that it sounded more like a sobbing hiccup. His hand drifted up to the gold pendant around his neck, the one that Severus had given him in exchange for being forced to be here tonight, and he sobbed again.

What had ever make him think this was even remotely close to being a good idea? He couldn't help but think of all the ways this evening had gone wrong and what he should have done to make them better. For starters, he shouldn't have asked Severus to come here in the first place. Perhaps if they'd had Christmas dinner at Severus' home in Spinner's End, he might have felt safer and more at ease... If he had even thought to tell his parents that he'd broken up with Sirius... Well, 'separated by default' was a more apt phrase after his arrest and consignment to Azkaban... 

He was still lost in his own miserable thoughts when a familiar spell enveloped him from behind, accompanied by the spoken words, "Finite Incantatem." 

Remus turned to see his father pointing a wand at him. For some reason the simple presumption on his father's part was enough to replace the cold dread in his stomach with a burning anger. "So what's that about, then? You think he has me under an Imperio of some kind? Because that's the only reason that I would be with somebody like that, right?"

Mary raised an eyebrow in annoyance. "I don't want that man in my house," she seethed in the same tone of voice she'd reprimanded Remus in childhood when she'd been especially tired.

Remus rubbed his forehead with the first knuckle of his fist, trying to banish the headache that had settled in with the tension knot in his stomach.

His voice was quiet, " _'That man'_ is the only reason I'm here at all, and if he isn't allowed in this house, then I suppose I shouldn't be here, either."

"What are you talking about, Remmy? Of course you should be here! This is your home!" 

Remus shook his head. "My home is in Spinner's End. With Severus. It has been since February... Well, longer than that, really. Since just after..." Remus trailed off, thinking about how his world had irrevocably changed on a dismal Halloween night and about the horrible period of time just after when he had nearly given up hope in everything.

"Son, you're just not seeing reason, right now. We'll take you to St. Mungo's, they've got doctors there who can look in your head and make certain you aren't being influenced by anything."

"Severus is NOT influencing me! Whatever put that into your head anyway?"

John stopped, then started again slowly, as though trying to figure out the right way to say something.

“Sirius… wrote to us while we were away.” 

"Oh, for fuck's sake..."

John put up a hand to fend off Remus' protest. "He said that you'd fallen in with the wrong crowd, that you'd started spending time with those Death Eaters and that he was worried about you. He asked us if you had said anything to us or if we knew anything about why you would have switched sides... Well, we hoped it wasn't true, but after meeting him... Remmy, you can't tell me that man isn't a Death Eater."

Her words hit Remus' stomach like a bucket of ice water and he had to struggle to fight off the sudden wave of nausea. "Oh... that fucking... cock sucking... piece of shit, fucking arsehole..." Remus felt his knees starting to go weak and he leaned against the wall for support. "And you believed him, did you? Is that what this night has been about? Trying to drive off my Death Eater boyfriend because Sirius Black asked you to?"

"Boy, I've bent over backwards to be accepting of you and your ways -- "

Years of pent up fury and hurt all came flooding to the front in an unstoppable flood of anger. "Bent over backwards? You tried to CURE me! How exactly is that bending over backwards to accept me?" 

"I have only ever been supportive of you. There isn't a person alive who could be more supportive than your mother and I."

"Supportive? Ha! Is that what you fucking call it? SUPPORTIVE? You had me circumcised when I was ten because some hoodoo witch doctor told you that he could use my foreskin to make a cure; a cure that turned out to be nothing more than clam juice and ginger ale! Do you know how many thousands of galleons that little insignificant piece of me was worth on the black market? If you were going to make somebody filthy fucking rich by chopping off pieces of me, why couldn't it have been us?" 

"You're right, I shouldn't have trusted -- "

"Oh, and let's not forget about the ice baths and electro-shock therapy at that asylum when I was twelve!"

"They said it would work! They had case studies -- " 

"Yes, on LUNATICS, Da! That treatment worked on people suffering from Lycanthropic DELUSIONS, not Lycanthropic DISEASE. I can understand how you could mix them up, except for the very important difference that the one inflicts Muggles who only THINK they transform into wolves whereas I grow a fucking tale every month." 

"Now, Remmy, that's enough! I've apologized for that, I can't take it back. I was doing what I thought was right. Do you think I would have tried so hard to fix you if I didn't love you?"

"That's just it, Da. You didn't accept me, not at first. Not EVER at first. You tried to FIX me. You tried to fucking cure me of being a werewolf, then you tried to cure me of being a pouf. You only ever accepted me after everything else you tried had failed. Now you want to cure me of being with Severus? Well, I can tell you right now that nothing that you try is going to work, so you may as well give up now and save us both the pain and the heartache of prolonging your disappointment phase."

"Remus, we just don't understand WHY! You could do so much better for yourself!"

"Could I? Could I really? Because Sirius was so much better for me, right? But you don't even know...! You don't know _anything_...!"

Mary stood with her hands on her hips. "Clearly, we don't know anything."

"You want to know why he and I aren't together anymore? It's because he's in Azkaban, Mum. He's in Wizard PRISON for Merlin's sake! Not only that, but he's in prison for mass murder! He betrayed James and Lily, sold them out to You-Know-Who, sold his own godson out to You-Know-Who to be sacrificed in the foulest way imaginable! And when Peter went to confront him, he murdered him, too. Only, he didn't just MURDER his old friend, he _blew him up_ along with an entire street full of Muggles! The only thing that was left of him was a piece of his finger, for fuck's sake!"

Remus hadn't realized that he had begun shouting, but he took a breath to calm himself. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, but I can't stand here and listen to you tell me that Sirius was so much better for me... so much better than Severus. He's not. Alright? Severus... yes, he WAS a Death Eater - " John and Mary looked at each other worriedly. "I said _WAS!_ He was a Death Eater and I get that. I get that he's difficult and cantankerous and thoroughly pants at fitting in anywhere. I understand that he's unlikable and snarly and quite frankly he did, in fact, scare the shit out of me just now; I've never seen him that violently ballistic before... But there is so much to him that you just can't see and you won't even give him a chance!"

Mary sighed and rolled her eyes. "You don't give a snake a chance to bite you just to see if it's poisonous or not, Remus."

Remus growled in frustration. "Do you want to know why I'm with him? Do you really?" Remus shook his head and began pacing. "After James and Lily died... After Sirius.... well, what can I say? I'm not proud of it. I, uh... well, I stopped eating."

Mary sighed, "Oh, Remmy..."

"I stopped doing a lot of things. It all seemed like too much trouble at the time, right? But, the eating was the big part. It takes a long time for a werewolf to starve to death, I found out. It took a few weeks, maybe a month... I was down to about 100 pounds or a little less... Then the moon came around and even the wolf was too weak to do much of anything but lay on the floor being miserable. I think I would have died... It wouldn't have taken much longer."

Remus stopped and looked back and forth between his mother and father, entreating them to understand.

"But, I didn't die; Severus found me. Then he proceeded to berate me and insult me and generally make my last moments on earth as genuinely unpleasant as possible." He laughed. "You know, I think I tried to bite him in the ankle, come to think of it... He was provoking me, you see? He was trying to get me to fight back. And you're right, Da, he did use an Imperious on me. And yes, I was very upset with him for a time. It was degrading and humiliating to be forced into doing things like eating and using the toilet, brushing my teeth. He forced me, literally FORCED ME to start living again, taking care of myself again. Look, as unconventional as it sounds, you can see that it worked! I'm healthy, I'm happy, I'm living for myself again... perhaps I do have an unhealthy psychological dependency, some sort of Stockholm syndrome or something... But so what? He cares for me, loves me in fact. If he didn't, he would have left me to rot. And it's not as if there were a queue of people banging down the door to help me. It takes a LONG time for a werewolf to starve to death... And in all that time, he was the only one who came... the only one who cared." 

He ran a hand through his hair, talking as much to himself as to his parents. "Do you think Sirius would have cared? Even taking into consideration the fact that he's a traitorous, evil bastard and a fucking psychopathic murderer... If something like that... something SERIOUS had come up in our relationship, I guarantee you, he would have jumped ship and searched for safer waters because that's just who he is. It was fun, it was nice, but the moment that he had to put an effort into it, he would have been gone. He wouldn't have pulled me out of that basement, it would have been too boring for him."

This time, when Mary put her arms around Remus, he didn't pull away. He even returned her embrace, but he couldn't keep the sadness from his voice. "Severus didn't want to come here tonight. He said to me that he didn't want to be paraded in front of people who would think him inadequate. I told him that it wouldn't be like that. I lied to him, Mum. You made me lie to him." 

Remus pulled away, shaking his head sadly. He opened the hall closet and took out his shabby old coat, pulling it on. 

"Son, where you going? Don't leave like this. Look, I know it got off to a rocky start, but...We still have presents... and your mother has a pudding that she worked on special for you."

"No. I'm going to go find Severus and then we are going to go home. I love you both, but tonight was a mistake. I'm sorry we ruined your evening."

Before Remus could open the door, before his parents could even voice another protest, all hell broke loose. The front window of the sitting room shattered and fire erupted against the back wall. Heat blazed towards them as the room was engulfed in fire and smoke. His mother screamed and Remus fell to the ground as more glass shattered in the dining room and the kitchen. Within mere moments, the entire bottom floor was a death trap of fire and black, acrid smoke. 

He felt magical energy building somewhere behind him, then with a pop, it snapped like a broken rubber band and there was a cry of pain.

Remus choked and pulled his shirt up to cover his mouth and stinging, watering eyes. "Mum!"

"Remus!" 

The smoke was so thick, he could only hear her voice even though she was no more than a few feet away. He crawled forward, hand outstretched as he blindly groped through the smoke, wincing as the broken glass cut into his knees. 

"Mum!" His fingers reached her outstretched hand and grasped tightly, lest he lose them again. He crawled the rest of the way to her, before pulling his coat off and draping it over her head and pulling her tight against him. "Where's Da?"

"He was..." a wracking cough shook her frame. "He was beside me... I don't know!"

Remus grit his teeth and pulled his wand from his sleeve and flicked it emphatically. " _Aguamenti!_ " 

Nothing happened!

" _AGUAMENTI!_ "

"It's no use." A voice spoke almost next to his ear, a voice sweeter than even floods of water could be just now.

"Severus! You... you came back!" Remus choked and coughed again. A cloth was held to his face and a steady hand placed on his back until the fit passed.

"There's a magical dampening field in place. A good mile radius. I returned as soon as I noticed. They're watching the house, we have to get up to the second floor."

Remus nodded, though he knew it wouldn't be seen in this horrible smoke. "This way." He reached his other hand towards where he hoped Severus' hand was, thankful to find it easily.

"But... but John!"

"I have him. We must hurry. Mrs. Lupin, you take my hand and hold onto Remus. Remus, you lead."

Remus tightened his grip on his mother's arm and began crawling awkwardly across the floor, aiming for where he knew the wall was that wrapped around towards the stairs. It was a terrifyingly slow pace, but getting turned around in the smoke would be fatal. The heat from the flames chapped his skin and the fire roared menacingly in his ears. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity of crawling blindly through the hellish inferno, he found the bottom step and began crawling up. The smoke began to thin out as he neared the second floor. 

Mary coughed harshly but continued to crawl on up the stairs and to the relative safety of the second floor. Severus came last, dragging John's unconscious body with him. There was a gash across his forehead that was still bleeding sluggishly, turning his face into a mess of blood and soot, but to Remus he was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. 

"Why did you come back?" 

"You have to ask?" 

Remus smiled. "Right." The smoke was beginning to roll up the stairs and Remus shook himself to focus on the task at hand. "What's the plan?"

Severus laid John down on the floor and sat back to catch his breath. "How many can you side-along apparate at once?"

"Over a short distance? Probably two at most. I could try three, but I'm not sure I wouldn't splinch somebody."

Severus nodded. 

"What are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking that I can probably lift the dampening barrier but I can't hold it off and apparate myself at the same time. You'll have to apparate your parents out first, but I should be able to hold it long enough for you to get back and grab me, too."

Remus grit his teeth and nodded. As much as he would have rather done the more dangerous task, he knew that he didn't have nearly the amount of control that Severus did. He would just have to be quick enough to get back in time. It would work. 

"Alright. Do you need anything from me?"

"No. Just be ready to go." 

Remus nodded and grabbed his father firmly by the wrist and held his mother tight against his body. 

Mary looked up. "Severus!" 

He arched an inquiring eyebrow at her. 

"Thank you."

Severus nodded, then closed his eyes and began muttering softly to himself. 

Remus could feel the tingle of electricity in the air that seemed always present when powerful magic was being worked. His teeth ached and his hair began to stand on end. Then with an uncomfortable 'pop' it seemed like extra air rushed into the room and Remus knew that was his signal. He concentrated on a park very nearby that he could visualize without effort and just as the world began to stretch and twist away, his eyes flew open. 

The floor was caving in, flames erupting upwards to engulf the entire upstairs hallways. He met Severus' eyes for only a moment, taking in every feature, every line of resigned determination and absolute willpower etched onto that beloved face... 

Then the flames rose higher and Severus fell through the collapsing floor, swallowed by black smoke and fire. A cry was ripped from Remus' throat just before the world stretched away and snapped like elastic and he hit the grass covered ground, shaking and crying, assaulted by more pain than he could ever remember feeling in his life. 

His mother was calling him, her soft hands were shaking him. He barely had the presence of mind to grip his wand and summon every memory of love and joy this past year had given him, barely had the strength to keep his eyes open as a great silver panther bounded off into the night sky... 

Help was coming. Help was coming...

The world went black.


	4. Chapter 4

Remus knew enough about waking up in hospitals to recognize when he was in one without even having to open his eyes. That being the case, he focused his attention on other important issues: what new injuries did he have and how long he had been here. His leg and lower belly were sore, but not any worse than after a full moon. He could tell by the itchiness of his jaw that he only had about a two or three days' worth of stubble. 

When Remus finally did open his eyes, he was startled to find himself in the Hogwarts infirmary and not in the Dark Creatures Ward at St. Mungo's as he had expected to be. 

"You're awake," there came his mother's quiet voice, and Remus could see she was seated at his bedside, bags with clothes and other things nearby, and she reached to carefully slide the hair from his face. He could almost imagine that he was fifteen again, waking up after a really bad moon to his mother's homemade chicken soup. Almost except for the uncomfortable constriction in his chest that had little to do with his recent injuries.

"Mum? Where...? Where is...?"

"Your father is alright. He's in the recovery ward at the hospital. They said he suffered from some sort of whiplash and there was some heart trouble."

Remus frowned. "Whiplash? You don't... Do you mean backlash?"

"Oh, well..." she said, "I'm not really sure what they said, specifically... there was some heart manifestation, but he's recovering..."

Remus swallowed, unable to suppress a twinge of guilt. He hadn't even been thinking about why his father was unconscious when Severus arrived. He loved his father dearly and was relieved that he was alright, but he was more concerned about someone else entirely just now.

"What about Severus? Is he alright?"

Mary looked away and Remus felt a cold stab of fear in his gut. "Mum? What happened to Severus?"

"Remus, you've only just woken up, you really shouldn't distress yourself until you're well again..."

Remus closed his eyes in a vain attempt to separate himself from the world, to separate himself from the cold, ugly truth. It did nothing to keep the tears from escaping to roll hot trails down the sides if his face. "Is... is he...?" The words stuck like ashes in his mouth.

His mother's eyes inspected his face for a few moments. "We don't think so," she said, "We don't know for certain."

"I watched him fall through the floor, Mum. You don't have to lie to me. No one..." Not even Severus. Remus' heart twisted painfully. "No one could have survived that fire without using magic."

Mary squeezed his hand. "The Auroras that searched the house -- "

"Aurors." The correction was automatic. Remus hadn't the heart to really focus on the conversation. All he wanted to do was to curl up and cry into his pillow and mourn... There would be no more gentle Sunday afternoon shags, no more lazy morning kisses... no more coffee brewed with a Bunsen burner and a glass beaker... no more affectionate half-slurs against his cursed nature... no more shared Daily Prophets over decadent breakfasts... no more curling up together on the sofa in front of the fire... no more Severus... no more Severus and Remus... no more... The misery threatened to overwhelm him.

Somehow, this was almost worse than when he had lost Lily and James and Peter... They had been lost in the middle of a war. People died during wars. It was unpleasant, but expected. People were NOT supposed to die at Christmas dinner... 

"Don't jump to conclusions just yet," she said. "He hasn't been found. That isn't the same as being found dead."

Her words only just began to penetrate the fog of despair that had clouded Remus' mind. "What... what do you mean 'he hasn't been found'? Didn't... Didn't anybody look for him?"

Mary seemed very tired; the grief of seeing both her husband and son passed out at the hospital had taken its toll on her. There were dark rings under her eyes and her skin seemed sunken in, as though she hadn't slept. "Yes," she said, "they've looked."

"Not well enough, apparently! I have to go, I have to..."

A new voice rose from the far end of the ward. "Remus John Lupin, you will remain in that bed until I tell you otherwise!"

"Madame Pomfrey?" Remus turned his head to see the fierce matron bearing down on him accompanied, albeit at a much slower pace, by Professor Dumbledore. "You don't understand! I have to find Severus!" He tried to shift himself up, but the pain in his leg flared into agony that left him gasping for air.

"That will teach you to disobey me, won't it? You're in no condition to go gallivanting across the countryside. They didn't bring you here just so that you could undo all my hard work by rising before you were capable of it."

Remus resettled himself gingerly on the bed, trying to will the pain away. "Yes, why AM I here? I didn't realize that they were in the habit of taking strays back to Hogwarts."

"I'm afraid that's my doing, my boy."

The man had snuck up while Remus was otherwise occupied and his eyes were sparkling the way they always did when he was especially pleased with himself. Madame Pomfrey busied herself checking Remus' bandages. 

Remus tilted his head, still quite confused. "But why? I don't understand..."

"I confess that your presence here has a little more to do with your betrothed, than with you yourself, I'm sorry to say. I wish it were an easier matter to extend our aid to former students, but bureaucracies are notoriously tedious that way. Sherbert lemon?"

The surrealism of it all was beginning to get to him and Remus shook his head slowly. "Erm. No. No, thank you. Umm... Professor, I'm not... I'm not actually betrothed to anybody that I'm aware of."

"No? How curious. Our records are usually quite precise. No matter, no matter. Let's just say that you seem to hold a rather unique place in Professor Snape's affections and leave it at that, shall we? One of the benefits he enjoys as a Hogwarts professor is access to the quite excellent health care of our Madame Pomfrey, an advantage that incidentally seems to extend to you, dear boy. That is, at least, until we can get our records corrected. Just between you and me, though, these sorts of paperwork adjustments always take far longer than they should. In the meantime, I trust you have no objection to remaining our guest? Until Madame Pomfrey has given you a clean bill of health, at any rate?"

Remus had no objection at all. The Dark Creatures Ward was more like a prison holding cell than an actual hospital. Here, he had a comfortable bed and a caretaker that didn't shove potions through the door at him with a stick. It was a vast improvement to say the least. Remus closed his eyes, determined to sort through the rest of the information that the Headmaster had provided. "Wait a moment, did you just say...? Your records have me listed as Severus' fiancé? Did I hear that correctly?"

"Quite correctly."

Remus frowned in confusion. "That doesn't make sense! He never asked me -- "

"My dear boy, have you ever known our Severus to ask for anything he thought he wouldn't get?" Professor Dumbledore reached forward and delicately lifted the small golden pendant Severus had given him from where it rested against Remus' chest. 

Remus swallowed, watching Professor Dumbledore examine his pendant. "Severus gave it to me."

"Ah, yes. Of course. Asked you to wear it, did he?" The blue eyes twinkled and Remus caught his breath as he began to suspect what the headmaster was driving at. "Yes, an interesting man, our Potions Master."

"He said it was a token of his affection..."

"I have no doubt of it. Well! I won't keep you!" He patted Remus on the knee. "Rest and get better, my boy. We're all hoping to have you up and around soon."

"But... but, sir! What about Severus? Have you heard anything? Is he alive? Is anybody even looking for him? Headmaster, please! I have to -- "

"Calm yourself, Remus. I will be sure to inform you of any news as I receive it. Rest assured, you aren't the only one concerned for Severus' well-being. And remember: There is nothing lost that cannot be found -- " His twinkling blue eyes intensified into a significant look, " -- if _sought_. Rest well, Remus."

The headmaster disappeared almost as quickly as he had arrived. 

Madame Pomfrey frowned. "Drink this potion down." She held it to his lips and as startled as he was, Remus was helpless to resist. He gulped down the foul concoction and gasped when the flask was empty.

"Oh, that's horrid."

"Yes, well, it will help you regain function in your leg and other parts of your lower anatomy. You did quite the number on yourself, Mr. Lupin. I'll be back with another dose later. In the meantime you will confine yourself to that bed, am I understood?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Good." She was away again, a flurrying bustle of energy.

Remus sighed, fidgeting with the bed sheets. He wanted to get up, he wanted to move, he wanted to go find Severus. He tried to still his thoughts, but they were racing wildly in his head. 

With great difficulty, he forced himself to focus, to think of a new problem.

"Where are you and Da staying, then?"

His mother regarded him tiredly. "I don't know," she sighed, as though weighed down by far greater troubles, "we'll find an inn, or something."

"Oh, Mum," Remus said quietly, "That's rubbish, you should stay at our place. We've got an extra bedroom."

Mary ran a hand through her hair, slowly exhaling. "I just don't know, Remus."

He could see what she was getting at. "Severus won't mind," he said, "he won't even be there, will he? But even if he was, he wouldn't mind. He would grumble and complain and hide in the basement, but he would agree with the logic and wouldn't really be as angry about it as he pretended to be. He's... He's like that, you know... You have to get past the growling, but... he's... he's not..." Remus couldn't finish the sentence, not without breaking down completely. He stuffed his fist into his mouth and bit down hard on the knuckle, using the pain to clear his mind. He cleared his throat. "When are they releasing Da from St. Mungo's?"

"I know they've talked about keeping him there overnight, I don't know… maybe we can leave tomorrow morning... 

"Well," Remus said, "when I get out, I could get it sorted before we go pick him up."

Mary regarded him with combined concern and irritation. "You're not going anywhere," she said, "you're staying here till you're well. You've lost a lot of blood and the nurse here says that you very nearly spliced your leg off."

"Splinched. And I'm fine, Mum, really. A few more hours and I'll be up and around. A few days and you'll hardly see the scar, I promise... There are SOME advantages to having a furry..." He stopped short. "Well, to being a werewolf. I guess it's beyond time to start learning to accept what I am, even if nobody else will."

"Remus, don't start, please? I'm well tired, too."

"I know, I'm sorry."

One of these days, Remus was going to stop apologizing. One of these days. But it was such an awfully hard habit to break.


	5. Chapter 5

That night, Remus dreamt.

The dreams he dreamed were so bizarre and realistic that Remus wished fervently and with all his heart that he could make them stop, but he was just as unable to wake himself as he was to move or react in the hellish nightmare he was caught up in.

He stood in a dimly lit warehouse amid a group of ten or twelve other people. All of them wore white robes with the hoods drawn over their heads to hide their faces. They were waiting for something... something or somebody. And many of them were growing impatient. 

His attention was drawn by a noise outside and many of the others turned to see what the commotion was. 

A small group of similarly robed individuals burst into the warehouse, laughing boisterously and congratulating themselves. Their robes, unlike those of Remus' group, were streaked black with soot and one of them carried a burlap sack, roughly the size and shape of a human body, over his shoulder.

"Brothers! Tonight we have a victory to celebrate!"

The sack was thrown to the ground and the other robed figures gathered around it in curiosity. The man who spoke began untying the ropes that held the sack shut and then tugged and pulled until the burlap came away and a man was tumbled onto the floor. He, too, was covered in ash and soot and his dark, tangled hair obscured his face, but Remus instinctively knew that it was Severus lying unmoving on the cold, concrete floor, his leg twisted unnaturally beneath him. There was simply nobody else that Remus could imagine himself dreaming about in this context.

"Tonight, we've managed to not only track down the lair of one of the foul traitors and render it to ashes, but we've managed to capture the fucking bastard alive!"

The ringleader's enthusiasm quickly spread to the rest of the group and he kicked Severus' limp form amidst the cheers and jeers of his fellows. Remus wanted to move. He wanted desperately to be able to control his limbs, to leap forward and bite and tear and rip the laughing monsters limb from limb but he was absolutely powerless. He could only observe.

"Wake up, dog! It's time to have a little fun with you!"

Another swift kick and Remus could almost hear the unprotected rib bones crack under the treatment. 

"What are we going to do with him?" 

"Oh, nothing! Nothing at all! Nothing that a Death Eater wouldn't do to a Muggle-born, that is!"

Remus wanted to protest, to argue, to shout, 'He isn't a Death Eater, he switched sides you fucking morons!' but he could do nothing but stand and watch and listen.

The ringleader grabbed Severus by the hair and pulled him up to better display him to the surrounding group members. "What do you think we ought to do with him, lads?"

Everyone shouted at once, trying to get their suggestion heard. 

"Torture! Make him bleed!"

"Rape him like they raped my sister!"

"Kill him!" 

Another white robed figure apparated into the warehouse a holding a black object in his hands. Remus only caught a glimpse of it before it was out of his line of sight. "Typhon! I've got it!"

The ringleader seemed pleased. "Excellent. Did you have any trouble?"

"Not a bit, it was stuffed in a box in the attic. My dad won't even notice it's missing from his collection until he goes to rotate the pieces out."

Remus strained, trying desperately to focus on the object they're discussing. He had the feeling that it was about to become very important. He was so focused on trying to see the black object in the Promethean's hand that he didn't notice that Severus had come around until the leader... Typhon, the man had called him... shook him by the hair.

"Do you know what this is, you Death Eater piece of rubbish? This is a Roman slave collar. It's going to help us make sure you know exactly what kind of a dog you are. By the time we're done with you, you won't even know you're human anymore! Not that you Death Eaters could be considered human!"

This was met by a chorus of laughs and jeers from the crowd. Remus felt sick to his stomach. A slave collar? Severus was keeping quiet but Remus could clearly see him making mental notes of every detail, his eyes darting quickly back and forth as he catalogued his situation. The mention of the slave collar had sparked a hint of alarm that had only flashed across his face for a second before being replaced with a mask of calm serenity. 

"Cain, do you have the incantation?"

"Incantation? I thought you knew what it was, Typhon..." 

"The collar was in YOUR father's collection! Are you telling me that there weren't any notes or papers with it at all?"

"Does it look like this sort of thing comes with instructions?"

"Sod it, then, we'll just have to make one up." 

At those words, Severus' black eyes fixed on the face below Typhon's hood with a gaze so intense that Remus was surprised his robes didn't catch on fire.

"You, slave, are going to repeat everything that I tell you to say or I am going to cut off your pecker and bollocks and blend all the bits up into a nice protein shake for you to drink, is that perfectly clear?"

Severus gave the man a petulant glare. "Yes."

Typhon kicked Severus in the face, knocking him backwards on the concrete floor. "You will address me as 'Sir,' when you speak to me, slave! Now answer the question properly! Is. That. Clear?"

Severus struggled up onto his knees, clearly in pain. Remus could see that he wanted nothing more than to unleash any number of spitefully sarcastic comments. Hell, Remus could even imagine what most of them were. He wanted to go to him, to say something, anything, but he remained motionless and maddeningly silent. He prayed for Severus to be strong, to just play along as he had to, to keep himself alive as long as he had to until Remus could find him and rescue him.

'Please, love, just tell him what he wants to hear. Just to make it through this... please!'

Severus swallowed. "Yes, sir. Perfectly clear, sir."

Typhon roughly attached the collar around Severus' throat and pulled out his wand, placing the tip to the slave collar. "I, Death Eater scum that I am, consign myself to servitude."

Severus was concentrating again. Didn't the man know that Severus was at his most deadly when he was concentrating like that? "I..." Severus' jaw flexed as he ground his teeth together, "Death Eater scum that I am... consign myself to servitude."

"That's a good dog! I knew you could be taught to submit. Now... I swear to obey the orders and wishes of my master and to serve him in all things upon penalty of pain or death."

Something unrecognizable flashed intently in Severus' eyes. "I swear to obey the wishes of my master and to serve him in all things upon penalty of pain or death."

"So mote it be."

Severus' lips stretched in a feral grin that could almost have been a snarl, his canines gleaming in his soot streaked face. "So mote it be. _Ego laboro in silentium. Ego servo pro infinitio_." Gold light sparked from the wand tip and flared around the collar, engraving the Latin words into the black leather in spikey, gold script so reminiscent of Severus' own cramped handwriting that he could have quilled the words himself.

Typhon jumped back, startled and furious. "What the bloody hell did you do?"

Severus smiled, clearly having won some form of victory over his tormentor and emphasizing it by a horrible impersonation of a house elf. "Slave has activated the binding spell in the collar and sealed his oath verbatim. Is Sir not pleased that Slave has facilitated Sir's intention?"

Yes, Severus definitely had achieved an agenda though what it could have been was beyond Remus' comprehension. 

Typhon apparently shared a similar dilemma. He snarled at one of his waiting groupies. "Slave... Right. Somebody get this dog out of my sight."

Severus was grabbed by the arms and hauled roughly to his feet. His leg couldn't support his weight and he cried out in pain before the arms yanked him off balance, dragging him towards the back of the darkened warehouse.

Typhon screamed after them, "AND FIND A WAY TO WIPE THAT SHIT FUCKING SMIRK OFF HIS FACE!"

Remus woke up drenched in cold sweat. His heart thrummed in his throat and his fingers tingled from the shock of nerves. 

It had been so horribly real that Remus couldn't even think of it as a dream. He'd had dreams and nightmares before. This was something entirely different. 

He would never be able to get back to sleep, he had to speak to somebody. Regardless of Madame Pomfrey's wrath, or the steady ache he still felt in his leg, he had to speak to somebody immediately. Fortunately, he knew just the person.


	6. Chapter 6

"Professor Flitwick? May I speak to you a moment?"

The diminutive wizard looked up from the stack of essays he had been grading, a genuine smile lighting up his face. "Remus Lupin! As I live and breathe! Of course you may! Come in! Come in! Have a seat!"

Remus smiled shyly, pleased at the warm welcome from his favorite teacher. Professor Flitwick's jolly mood was one of the things Remus missed the most about Hogwarts. The old wizard leaned back in his chair as Remus neared his desk, craning his head back to look at him.

"Either you've gotten taller since graduation or I've gotten shorter! Seeing you youngsters all grown up never fails to make me feel old!"

Remus grinned and sat in a plush chair in front of the desk. "You've still got another fifty or sixty years before you can call yourself 'old,' I think."

"Well, it is nice of you to say so. Now, what brings you to see me? I have the impression it isn't just to see your old Charms Professor..."

Remus looked down at his hands, only slightly embarrassed to have been caught out. "No, unfortunately. Professor... Sir, do you know anything about slave collars?"

"SLAVE collars?" Professor Flitwick sat back in his chair, levity draining from his face to be replaced with scrutiny. "Remus, I can't say that your question doesn't concern me. As you know, any charm that enslaves another being and circumvents their will is very dark magic."

"I know. That's why the Imperio curse is considered an Unforgivable."

"Your interest is purely academic, of course?" The tiny man looked distinctly uncomfortable.

"No, I'm afraid not. I wish it was. Professor... I... I had a dream last night... about Severus."

"Perhaps I should get the Headmaster..."

"I know this sounds crazy, but I think it was a vision. It was... it was... Well. It's hard to explain, but the part I need your help with... There was a black leather collar in my dream, very plain, no ornamentation. They put it around his neck then made him swear an oath to obey his master, but nothing much happened until Severus..." Remus bit his lip, trying to remember the exact words. "He said, 'Ego laboro in silentium. Ego servo pro infinitio,' Then there was this bright light and the words appeared on the collar."

Professor Flitwick folded his hands on top of the desk and seemed to contemplate the implications of Remus' story. "There's no chance at all that you were just having a particularly vivid dream?"

Remus shifted in his chair. "I... well, I suppose it's possible... but something... something tells me it was real... It's just a feeling. I can't explain it."

The older wizard let out a slow, weary sigh. "Professor Binns could tell you much more about the history of slavery in the Wizarding world than I could."

"You'll understand why I'm hesitant to ask him? By the time he got to the information I need, we would BOTH be ghosts."

"Well, yes, there is that. Umm, have you met Professor Diddlepup? She's actually quite knowledgeable in the Dark Arts..."

"No offense to Professor Diddlepup, but I'd rather talk about this with someone I trust."

Professor Flitwick sighed. "Yes, I can certainly understand that... Well, it just so happens that I came across a few references while researching a project for the headmaster. Suffice it to say, the object you described is a relic of the old Roman Empire. I've never actually seen one myself. Slave collars were very prevalent during the time of the Caesars, but began to decline from circulation after the Emperor Constantine declared Christianity to be the official religion of Rome and forced Wizards to go underground to survive. The practice of enslaving fellow wizards became impractical and eventually was done away with. Today, only a few of those collars survive... As family heirlooms and in museum collections and things."

Remus had been leaning forward, listening with rapt attention. "So... how does it work exactly?"

"Well, it works a little like an Unbreakable Vow. The wizard receiving the collar swears an oath to serve a certain person or a family and another wizard must be present to witness. Most times it is the wizard the slave is swearing himself to that witnesses, but it isn't necessarily required... Of course the terms of the slave's contract are stated in exact detail before the magic of the collar is activated. How long the term of the enslavement is to be and of course the names of those the slave is swearing himself to. Then comes the incantation you heard, which quite literally translates to 'I labor in silence. I serve for eternity.'"

Remus nodded, absorbing the information. "When you speak of it... it sounds like it was... almost voluntary."

"And sometimes it was. A wizard could offer himself for a time in payment for services rendered, sometimes a collar would be part of an apprenticeship contract... Sometimes, it could even have been easier to be the servant of a wealthy family than to be free and penniless."

Remus nodded again, chewing on his lip as he thought.

"Are you sure you don't want me to fetch Professor Dumbledore? I know you and Severus were... ARE close."

Remus startled out of his reverie. "You do? He told you?"

"Not in so many words. He keeps a pocket watch that he looks at when he's getting impatient or frustrated. I caught a glimpse of the inside once; he was too busy making sure people weren't looking over his shoulder, he forgot to make sure they weren't looking over his hip! The watch doesn't tell time but it has a lovely photograph of you inside it."

"Oh."

"I'm certain that he'll be fine. If you would like... I can start looking into ways of breaking an enslavement charm. I'm not sure how much luck I'll have, they were designed not to be broken after all, but if your dream turns out to be a vision, it would be useful to already have the research under our belts, yes?"

Remus swallowed the lump in his throat. "Thank you, professor. You have no idea how much that would mean to me."

"Think nothing of it! You're still one of my favorite students after all."

Remus gave him a wry smirk. "EVERY student is your favorite student."

Professor Flitwick shrugged. "Yes, well... And I can't guarantee that I'll find anything. It is a rather esoteric subject after all."

"If there's anything at all to be found, professor, I know that you'll be the one to find it. Thank you again, sir."

He left, making his slow, pained way down the corridor, limping heavily and using the wall to support his weight. He would have hell to pay with Madame Pomfrey for sneaking out have the infirmary, but having Professor Flitwick helping to research his vision was more relief to him than any rest or potions could be. 

Now, hopefully, he could sleep easily the rest of the night. 


	7. Chapter 7

The sky was overcast and dismal, making the entire neighborhood of Spinner's End seem even more dreary and lifeless than usual. The smoke cover from the factory's chimney stacks in the distance was cloying and oppressive. Even the nearby river, which on a good day was at least pleasant to look at, seemed to be a roiling depository of toxic sludge.

All in all, it matched Remus' mood perfectly. His parents didn't seem terribly impressed.

"So, this is where you've been living, is it?"

Remus smiled meekly at his father as he fished in his robes for the key, then proceeded slowly to unlock the door. "It's not much to look at, I know -- " he said softly, suddenly shy, " -- but at least the rent is cheap -- "

He jiggled the handle and shoved on the door until it opened and swung inward with a protesting creak. His parents followed in his wake as he made his way in, eerily familiar but oppressing with dark and cold; John walked in, carrying the overnight bag containing his and Mary’s remaining possessions. Both he and Mary seemed to feel out of place to be there, self-conscious with the indignity of having to depend on their son. 

"Severus owns it, so there IS no rent. Little joke there. Right, well, welcome to Spinner's End, our humble abode." He led the way inside and his parents followed slowly behind, looking around as if not entirely certain the walls wouldn't come crashing around them. 

Remus looked around himself, trying to see the place with fresh eyes as his parents must be seeing it. The place was cold and dark, the hallway lit only by a single iron light fixture that, while clean, had clearly seen better days. The floorboards were grey and cracked, warped in places. The wallpaper was dingy and ancient, having once been a bright and cheerful floral print was now more reminiscent of the forest of thorns that had encased Sleeping Beauty's palace for a thousand years, dark and uninviting. When Remus had first moved in, the wallpaper had been a non-issue as it had been covered by the floor to ceiling stacks of books that lined the hallway. Together they had expanded and renovated the library and reclaimed the hallway and the sitting room, but hadn't done much to redecorate. Neither had felt the need. Their home together had been built around each other's presence and not the house. Without Severus in the kitchen, the house seemed terribly empty, just as it had only a few days ago when Remus had thought... It was strange to notice these things now.

"I know..." Remus swallowed and tried again. "I know it doesn't look like much..."

"Don't worry about that right now. I'm sure it's fine; isn't it, John?"

"I've been in more depressing places. They usually rented rooms by the hour and smelled like -- "

Mary smacked her husband’s shoulder halfheartedly. 

"Right, little joke," John said, "It's fine, boy. Right now, the decorating is the least of our worries."

Remus nodded. "Right, well. The sitting room is there..." complete with its moth-eaten sofa and bald patched rug "...and the downstairs loo is through there..." with its tarnished mirror, cracked porcelain and leaky taps "...erm, the library is on the left... but I would be careful in there. Some of the books don't really like people very much, so if you're reading one and your hair starts to stand on end, you should probably set it down very carefully and leave the room. I would stay away from the back wall altogether... and... well, maybe you'd be better off just not going in at all. Kitchen's pretty safe, though. That's through here."

It was one of the few rooms in the house that Severus had taken any sort of interest in remodeling. The kitchen was a very nice room to be in. Where the rest of the house felt a little like being trapped in a mausoleum, the kitchen had the air of a country cottage with modern amenities. The wooden floorboards were stained a rich dark oak and the black marble counter tops gleamed under the bright modern light fixtures. Remus had never noticed before, but the kitchen was perpetually sunny, regardless of the weather outside, and it was only just now that he realized that the large garden window must have been charmed to give that illusion. Remus sat down at the sturdy wooden table that could hold the weight of two grown men and an errant bowl of curry. He ran a hand over the surface of it, wondering if Severus had Scourgified it or scrubbed it by hand. His cleaning habits could be classified as both erratic and obsessive when it came to both his kitchen and his potions lab and Remus still hadn’t figured out how he decided which methods of cleaning were appropriate for which occasions. He cleaned beakers and cauldrons by hand, but used spells to wash dishes and scrub floors. He tended to switch between the two when he was cleaning his work benches. Remus wasn't sure which he had used for the table...

Mary gasped. "Now, this IS a lovely room, isn't it John? Just look at those counter tops! They're gorgeous!" She ran her hands across the smooth marble in obvious appreciation. "John, when we get our new house, you really must make certain it has nice counter tops in the kitchen."

"Dear, I think we should worry about getting the HOUSE first before we worry about changing the counter tops in it, don't you?"

Remus' smile was bittersweet as he listened to his parents argue and fuss at each other. He couldn't help thinking about Severus.

"Do you do much cooking in here, Remus?"

"No. No, I don't cook much. I tried to make beans and toast for breakfast once and Severus chased me out with a skillet. Let's just say, he wasn't terribly impressed." 

Suddenly, out of the corner of his eye, Remus caught a glimpse of the largest cockroach he had ever seen in his life crawling along the baseboards of the counter. Mary and John saw it at the same time. Mary screamed and John cursed and went to crush it with his boot.

"No! What are you doing?! You can't kill it!"

Remus almost shoved his father into the wall to deflect his aim and the cockroach skittered quickly to a new hiding place.

"For crying out loud, son! What's gotten into you?"

Remus shook his head emphatically and pulled a jar out of a cupboard before dropping to his knees and trying to see where the insect had gotten to.

"Remmy, what's wrong? It's just a cockroach."

"NO! It's not just a cockroach, it's SEVERUS' cockroach! You can't just go around killing other people's cockroaches, it isn't polite!" Remus laughed, nearly hysterical even to his own ears. "He... he wouldn't be happy, don't you understand? If he came back and his cockroach was dead... he's been trying to catch it for almost a month now..."

Defeated, he fell back against the cupboards in a seated position and let the jar roll away from him as he hid his face in his hands. "Look, I know it's a little crazy to let a cockroach have the run of the kitchen, but this is the first time I've seen actually seen him, he usually stays down in the basement. He'll probably go back down so it shouldn't be a problem, but if you DO see him again, just scare him off or something. You are not under any circumstances to kill that cockroach, alright?"

Remus fidgeted at the incredulous looks on his parents' faces. "I'm starting to sound barking mad already, aren't I? I'm sorry. It's just..." Remus swiped a hand over his face. He stood quickly. "Your room is upstairs. I'll show you."

He left Severus' kitchen quickly before other memories overwhelmed him. He climbed the old stairs, not waiting to see if his parents followed, the wood creaking quietly beneath his feet. The room he was aiming for was at the end of the hallway. It had been Severus' bedroom once upon a time, but he had replaced the padlocks on the outside with heavy restraining bars. He had also removed the depressingly Spartan furnishings from the room, leaving it bare to the floorboards. Strangely, the bare little room looked more pleasant without the furniture than with.

The floorboards and lower walls were covered in scratches and there was quite a bit of wolf hair around, but it wouldn't be too much trouble to clean up. He pulled out his wand and flicked it in the air, summoning the depressing old furniture back from its exile in the attic. The bed and the dresser arrived with a pop and settled back into their place.

John already was starting to take care of things, pulling his wand from his robes and regarding the bed thoughtfully for several moments before spelling it larger, into a modest queen with mahogany posts and intricate scroll work etched into the headboard. 

Remus grinned; he reached for his wand, as well, and proceeded to spell the tiny dresser, watching as it morphed into a beautiful matching bureau. The straw pallet that had passed as something to sleep on once upon a time had filled out into a thick, well-padded mattress. 

Mary watched her two wizards at work in a sort of quiet, mutual understanding, as they proceeded after that to transfigure the wooden floorboards into well-polished oak and the bare walls into powder blue wallpaper. 

Remus stepped back, hands on his hips in satisfaction, exchanging silent glances with his dad; he'd forgotten for a moment how sore with him he was. All in all, he was pleased with the effect. It would almost be a shame to turn it back into a werewolf holding cell. He hoped they'd find Severus by then. He wanted to go looking, but his leg had taken to throbbing and the little magic he had just used had tired him more than he expected. 

Mary crossed her arms, appearing weary but pleased. "I feel like such a _Muggle_ , don't I," she said as she patted her son on the back, "I reckon wizards are useful for something after all."

"Now, don't jump to any wild conclusions yet, Mum," Remus smiled ruefully, becoming all the more aware of the discomfort in his leg. "I think... I think I need to go lie down. Is there anything...?"

His parents had nodded that it was all right to go, Mary already beginning to tend to the sheets. 

Remus opened his mouth to say something to his father, but stopped. He'd been hoping for some acknowledgement of fault, some attempt at apology or regret, but it never came. Remus shook his head and left the room. 

He really was very tired. He proceeded spent and exhausted toward his bedroom, firmly shutting the door in his wake and proceeding to rest his head against the cool wood of the door. An encompassing, penetrating sense of despair set upon him and he became acutely aware that he was profoundly alone. 

If he thought hard enough, he could almost feel Severus' warm arms wrapped around him and the knowledge that they simply weren't there left him feeling remarkably _cold_. Cold and empty and aching. He breathed in, smelling both Severus' shampoo and his aftershave and the emptiness came roaring up inside him like a monster and he wrapped his arms around his belly to protect himself from the pain, but it was too much. He closed his eyes and walked backwards towards the bed, unable to bear looking at it and seeing it _empty_ just now. He fell back onto the mattress with a sob, wretched with the heart-rending _absence_ that surrounded him.


	8. Chapter 8

That night, Remus dreamed again.

Severus was dangling from a chain attached to the ceiling by his wrists, a black rubber gag of some variety stuffed into his mouth and held in place by a leather strap that buckled behind his head, his face and eyes obscured by his lank, dirty hair. His toes only barely touched the ground and he was desperately trying to raise himself just a fraction of an inch higher to relieve the pressure on his arms and hands. His body was beautifully on display, completely naked except for the leather collar around his neck, his muscles stretched to the limit and surprisingly well defined in the flickering shadowy light. His skin must have been well-oiled for the flames to catch the subtle planes of his lean musculature.

Remus wanted nothing more to run his hands all over that beautiful, pale skin and he found that he was able to step forward in his dream. He reached out to trace his fingertips down one taught pectoral. The skin flinched at his touch and Severus tried to jerk away from his hand, losing his precarious balance and swinging free on the chain for a moment. Remus steadied him and brushed the hair away from his face so he could see the fury flashing in his black, glittery eyes.

"Oh, Sev, how I wish I could wash your hair, right now..."

Severus' eyes widened. He was surprised at something. Then slowly, the surprise changed to confusion and questioning, and then to a painful mixture of relief and joy that had tears forming at the edges his dark eyes. He moaned softly against the gag and leaned his head into the palm that caressed his cheek.

"Shh... You're alright. I'll take care of you."

He kissed the edge of the lips stretched wide around the gag, stroked his fingers down that gorgeous long neck and down his sternum before moving over to lightly brush against a dark nipple. The attention was met with another soft moan and indrawn breath, an attempt to press himself further into the touch. Remus grinned and pinched the sensitive bud, twisted it and tugged at it. He dropped his head down to take it in his mouth, sucking hard and nibbling at the reactive flesh, then laving it with his tongue to soothe it. Severus groaned loudly when Remus scratched a nail across his other nipple, then twisted it sharply between his fingers, all the while flicking his tongue ever so gently against the first one.

He placed a tender kiss against the aroused flesh. "I think I'll come back to these in a moment."

Remus continued his exploration down the creamy skin of Severus' stomach, nuzzling the soft hair that grew from just below his belly button down to his groin. Remus rubbed his nose and face against Severus' hardening erection. "That's it. Show me how much you want this." He licked at the head of his stiffening member, lapping up the drop of precome that had formed at the tip. The sensitive organ twitched, bobbing as it swelled further.

"Merlin, you taste so good. I'm going to gobble you up just like the big bad wolf that I am but not yet... Not just yet."

Remus stood, caressing Severus' throat so he could feel the vibrations of his lover's disappointed groan. "Be a good puppy for me and I'll give you what you want. I'll give you so much pleasure, love, that you won't know what to do with it all." Severus whimpered at the word 'love' and Remus stroked his face with gentle brushes of his fingers. Remus kissed him lightly on the corner of his gag-stretched mouth. "Trust me, love."

Remus turned away and walked towards a table set up by the wall covered in all manner and variety of erotic implements. Remus had never seen most of them, had never used any of them, but in this bizarre dream world, he was infinitely familiar with ALL of them and instinctively moved towards the one that he wanted, a series of seven metal rings held together with a leather strap. The bottom most ring was the largest in diameter, the top was the smallest. He returned to Severus, watching his lover watching him intently, black eyes glittering with interest and trepidation.

"Don't worry. This is going to feel brilliant." He took Severus' cock in hand and pulled it through the largest ring, working it over his balls so that it was snug around his scrotum as well as the base of his cock. Severus made a quiet whimper as Remus pulled his foreskin down and worked the rings on, pulling his member through until the smallest ring fit tightly just under the head. Remus grinned, admiring his handiwork and the way the flesh bulged slightly between the rings. He knelt down and ran his tongue from the base of Severus' cock up the entire length of the bottom, relishing the dichotomy between warm, velvety flesh and cold, smooth steel.

Apparently, Severus enjoyed it as well. His entire body went rigid and his head was thrown back. His knees buckled and he swung free on the chain around his wrists.

Remus stood. "We can't have this now..." He fingered the restraints on Severus' wrists, wincing at the bruises and swelling. "Let me see if I can't find something more comfortable for you..." He winked as he undid the padlock attaching the handcuffs to the ceiling chain. "Something more comfortable for both of us, I think."

He supported Severus as he regained his balance and slowly lowered his arms to a more natural angle. His shoulders popped loudly as they settled back into their normal position. "Poor puppy, you're doing so well. Stay here, like a good boy."

Remus returned to the side of the room, but not to the table. In the corner of the room was a leather sling that he had designs on using. He grabbed it and quickly attached it to the chain in the ceiling. He then selected a moderately-sized phallic contraption made of surgical steel with a locking base that would attach into the sling. He also grabbed a jar of lubricant, mindful of Severus standing quietly by and watching his every move.

"This will be fun. Come here."

Severus quickly stepped forward and knelt at Remus' feet, eyes averted respectfully.

"Good puppy." Remus stroked his fingers gently through the tangled, greasy hair. "I'm going to wash your hair when I get you back, but for now, I want you to stand up."

Severus allowed himself to be coaxed up by Remus' gentle fingers. He stood, trembling, his skin prickled like gooseflesh from his arousal. Remus couldn't help running a teasing finger up along the underside of his purpling and sensitive cock. Severus bucked and shivered from the contact, inhaling a gasp through his nose.

Remus opened the jar of lubricant and dipped his fingers in, then proceeded to slip them past Severus' tight opening, smearing the slippery gel around and stretching him inside. He also used a decent amount to coat the contraption that he had attached to the sling. Severus moaned in pleasured agony when Remus slid a lubricated hand over his ring encased cock, covering him also in the silky substance. Remus smiled, stroking leisurely as he flicked out a tongue to lick at Severus' neck.

"I want to hear you scream for me, puppy. I want to hear you moan my name aloud as I make you writhe with pleasure, hear every noise you make as I force you to come for me." The only reply he was given was a plaintive groan muffled by the gag. Remus reached behind to unbuckle the strap that held the gag in place and carefully pulled it away, not surprised to discover that it had been a fair-sized dildo filling Severus' mouth all this while.

Severus stretched and flexed his jaw for several moments and Remus gave him the time he needed, stroking lightly along his ribcage. "You like sucking on that cock, puppy?"

"I prefer yours, Master, naturally."

The low, sultry tones went straight to Remus' groin and he bared his teeth as he fisted his hand in Severus' hair and jerked his head back, exposing his beautiful pale neck and the black slave collar. He inhaled through his mouth, scenting the leather against the salty-sweet musk of skin, the combination of the two a heady mix that made the wolf in him growl in delight.

"You can prove it to me later, right now I want you in that sling." He bent down and grabbed Severus around the thighs, lifting him up and up higher so that the dildo was pressing against his tight opening. 

Black eyes wide with apprehension, Severus had only time for a softly whispered, "Remus..." before he was being lowered. He groaned and squeezed his eyes shut, teeth ground together as he fought to relax and control his breathing as Remus painstakingly lowered him inch by inch into the sling and the dildo slid inch by inch further inside him. He was gasping, whimpering, groaning from the exertion of taking it in and Remus was struggling himself not to let Severus slide down too far too fast. He didn't want to hurt him, but the effort of lowering him slowly was a bit of strain. Finally, with a final gasp from Severus and a sigh of relief from Remus, the dildo was firmly seated and Remus was able to let go. 

Severus was breathing heavily and gripping the straps that attached to the chain in the ceiling to support himself. Remus took hold of one ankle and maneuvered it into the leg strap. He attempted to do the same to the other but stopped when Severus' breath hitched. 

"All right?"

"Yeah. Knee twinged a bit. It's fine. Please..."

"You sure?"

"It's already healing, just... Master, please... want you... _need_ you so much."

Remus nodded and placed a kiss to the inside of his knee, being very gentle while he moved it into position. He fastened the strap and stroked his hand lovingly up the smooth, muscled thigh. "How's that? Comfortable?"

"Quite. So was there more to this event or did you want me to just... sit here?" The humor had slipped back into those beautiful dark eyes and the wolf in Remus wanted to wriggle with joy at seeing his mate happy again. 

"So very impatient. Don't you know the journey is more enjoyable than the destination?"

"Not if the destination is having you watch while I lick my own come off your belly while yours drips down my thighs. Assuming, of course, one actually gets there. If you have to stop and ask for directions, wolf..." 

"Relax. When have I ever let you down." Severus opened his mouth, but Remus cut him off. "DON'T answer that. We were BOTH drunk. Doesn't count. Now, if you'll just hold onto - "

Before Remus could finish the thought, however, the door at the back of the darkened room burst open and the man he had come to know as Typhon entered.

"Have you prepared the slave, Cain?"

Remus was startled and didn't know how to answer the man. His first instinct was to charge forward and rip the his throat out. But he couldn't. Something was changing, something Remus couldn't stop any more than he could stop himself breathing.

He was losing control of his dream.

Severus widened his eyes, catching Remus' attention. He nodded very slightly, the motion almost imperceptible if Remus hadn't been focused on him.

His voice stammered of its own accord, "Y-y-yes. He's ready for you, Typhon."

Remus could see Severus focusing himself and withdrawing inward, but not before briefly crinkling the corners of his eyes in the barest hint of a reassuring smile.

Remus stepped back, heartsick. He wanted to kill and maim and hurt the man in front of him just as much as he'd hurt Severus; he wanted to defend his mate... but the room was beginning to blur around the edges and he knew that he was running out of time.

Typhon smiled. "Good, good. I can't wait to watch you break for me, slave. This is going to be beautiful..." Typhon moved to the table and picked up a long baton with two metal posts on the end that Remus had never seen before. He smiled savagely as he pressed a button on the handle of the baton and there was a loud crack as electricity began to arc between the two posts.

Remus felt sick to his stomach. _Oh, no... no, no, no, nonononono!_

Typhon's eyes were glinting with the tell-tale signs of madness as he stabbed at Severus with the cattle prod.

He hissed and jerked at the touch, unable to stop his body from spasming under the influence of the electric current. The sling rocked crazily, pulling Severus away from Typhon and his baton. The electrical burn left an angry red mar across his milk-white skin. Severus bowed his head, his tangled, greasy hair obscuring his eyes.

"How'd you like that, dog? Care for another?" He pressed the end of the cattle prod to the metal rings encircling his still engorged penis.

Again, Severus refused to cry out, even if he could not help his entire body going rigid, the muscles in his legs, abdomen, chest, and arms all contracting into painful tension. He ground his teeth and kept his face and eyes obscured, unwilling to give his tormentor the pleasure of hearing him scream.

It was strange. Remus knew that Severus wasn't screaming, but he could hear it inside him all the same, echoing in his ears like a freight train; a scream of pain, of rage, of fury and helplessness and loss. When he woke up, there were tears streaming down his face and he had torn his pillow to shreds with his teeth and his bare hands.


	9. Chapter 9

A day had passed, then two. Then a week. He hadn't dreamt of Severus since that night and the lack of dreams was almost worse than the nightmare. At least when he dreamed, he knew that Severus was still alive. Now, he didn't even have that. He was beginning to lose hope and it was a horrible feeling. 

Remus could not find a trace of Severus at the burnt out husk of his parents' house, nor could he find anything about those bastard Sons of Prometheus. Whatever else could be said of them, they were very talented at hiding their tracks. Even with the name 'Typhon' to go with, he could find very little. The only Typhon he had found reference to was the nephew of the current Minister of Magic and accusing him without proof was a foolish endeavor to say the least. He had given the name to the Aurors, but they had no better luck finding anything.

There was nothing more that Remus could do, so he sat in the living room, listening to Severus' Queen albums on the Victrola, staring into space as time passed.

He hardly noticed when his mother entered the room.

"Why don't you come into the kitchen and have something to eat?"

"I'm not hungry, Mum. You go ahead."

"Don't you think this childish act has gone on long enough? Now, come on. I'll make you a sandwich."

Remus ground his teeth. "I said I'm not hungry."

Mary sat on the couch and regarded him. Remus bristled, not liking that he was being watched. Freddie Mercury's mournful tones drifted wistfully from the speaker, _Didn't mean to make you cry, if I'm not back again this time tomorrow, carry on, carry on, as if nothing really matters..._

Carry on. As if it was so simple to do. Remus clenched his fists tightly. It was all his fault. Their home was safe, if he hadn't convinced Severus to leave it, he wouldn't have been a target, wouldn't have been vulnerable. It was Remus' fault... All his fault...

Mary sighed, her voice strained with aggravation. "I found Severus' cookbook. I can cook one of his dishes for you if you'd like."

Remus looked up. He hadn't been aware that Severus had a cookbook. He had always seemed to do most of his cooking by memory or improvisation. He unclenched his fist as he thought about it. For that matter, he had always seemed to brew potions by memory and improvisation, even though he kept a fastidiously neat record of all of his recipes, cataloged and notated and safely tucked away. Perhaps his cookbook was the same. Or perhaps this cookbook contained Severus' recipes for toxic poisons and other delightful non-kitchen appropriate concoctions. It would be irresponsible of him not to at least check.

"Can I see it?"

"Of course you can. IF you eat something." 

Remus could hear the undercurrents of disdain in her voice. It aggravated him to no end that she would condescend to him as if he was nothing more than a moody teenager throwing a temper tantrum that she was being forced to play along with. "I've already said that I'm not hungry. I'm an adult now and what I eat and when I eat are no longer your concern."

"Well! If you aren't going to eat, then you aren't seeing the book."

Remus snarled. The full moon was only two days away and the wolf inside him was restless and furious. His voice was cold and harsh, "That book is NOT yours. It is Severus' and by extension MINE since it is in MY house. You are a GUEST here! You have NO FUCKING RIGHT to hold it in ransom for ANY reason and if I want to see it, I don't have to cater to your wishes to do so!"

John Lupin's furious voice broke through the red haze of Remus' anger, "Remus John Lupin, you will NOT speak to your mother that way!" Mary had backed up against the wall during Remus' tirade and he felt a twinge of guilt for yelling at her so.

A part of him, the pettier side, wanted to say that she deserved it for trying to be manipulative. The other part was protesting, saying that she only was trying to help. He didn't want help, he just wanted to be left alone. He wanted Severus back. He wanted to hear news from the Aurors. He wanted to dream again and perhaps find another clue to Severus' location. He wanted a lot of things, but being molly coddled and manipulated and treated as a petulant teenager whose worst complaint was along the lines of having been stood up on a date... These were all things that were decidedly NOT on Remus' list of wants and wishes.

Did they not understand? He wasn't pining like a love-struck teenager, he was mourning the loss of his mate! He was upset because the man that he loved was missing, at the mercy of a handful of political zealots, being tortured and raped and who the fuck knew what else!

His guilt began to outweigh his peevishness, though, especially when he saw how much his words had hurt her. "I'm... I'm sorry, Mum. You know I get a little crazy this time of the month. It's just PMS, right? You know, pre-moonal stress?" It had been one of Sirius' favorite jokes and his mother had actually laughed the first time she heard it. Somehow, it didn't feel quite right saying it now. 

"Just because you aren't feeling well is no excuse for you to take your temper out on me."

"You think that's what this is? That I'm just not feeling well? I'm probably never going to see him again...! Is it... Merlin..." Remus' breath hitched in his throat and the tears that had been threatening to fall all week made a sudden break for freedom. "Is it because I love him? I loved Sirius and he's gone, now Severus is gone too. Is it my fault he's gone because I loved him?" 

A voice he hadn't been expecting spoke from the doorway, "Love is a powerful thing, certainly." Professor Dumbledore stood there, one arm braced against the door frame, his cornflower silk robes adding an exotic touch of color to the drab sitting room. "And yet, while I find that it is strong enough to do extraordinary things, strong enough to move mountains even, the simple act of loving someone can neither change their fate, nor can it alter the day to day events that make up the course of our lives. As I understand it, you did not contact the Sons of Prometheus and suggest that they attack your parents' house that night?"

Remus blanched and stammered. "Wh-what? Of course not!"

Dumbledore nodded. "Ah! Then perhaps you feel that your love for Severus is what caused him to charge into a burning building and risk his life to ensure that you and your family were able to escape to safety?"

Remus frowned and looked to his mother and father to see if they were just as confused as he was. "Well... yes, to be honest."

Dumbledore shrugged. "Ah, well there you have me. You may be right at that. I would have thought it had more to do with Severus' love for YOU that would have prompted such an act. In any case, it is nothing to feel guilty about. Severus is a grown man capable of making his own decisions. Incidentally, the subject of making decisions is what brings me here today."

"Erm..."

"Why don't we speak in the kitchen over a nice cup of tea? I do so love a good cup of tea." Professor Dumbledore turned and left for the kitchen. 

Remus sighed in frustration and ran his hands through his hair. Maybe tomorrow he just wouldn't get out of bed. He would take sleeping pills and stay locked in his nightmares with Severus. It would be better than this cloying sympathy and the manipulative attempts to make him forget that anything was wrong. 

"I'd better go see what he wants. I'm sorry I snapped at you, Mum."

"It's getting old, Remus." She folded her arms over her chest. "You aren't the only one with problems." 

"I know. I AM sorry..."

Mary just turned away from him and left the room. Her refusal to acknowledge his apology hurt worse than the accusation had. Swallowing the stiff lump in his throat, Remus turned towards the kitchen. Hopefully, Professor Dumbledore would have good news for him. "Good news or a sherbert lemon, one of the two." Remus sighed, feeling even more miserable now than he had five minutes ago, and followed into the kitchen where Dumbledore was already busying himself preparing the tea. 

He looked over his shoulder as Remus came in. "Ah! Have a seat, dear boy. I already have the tea well in hand. How do you take it? Milk or lemon?"

Remus sat at the table. "Milk. There should be some cream in the fridge and sugar is in the cabinet above the stove."

"Ah, yes! Right. Well, you may be wondering why I've come to see you today..."

"The thought had crossed my mind, sir. Is it about Severus?" 

"Yes and no."

Hope flared in his chest just a little... "Have you found him?"

"Not yet."

And died a painful ash-laden death. "Oh..." Remus felt crestfallen. It was such a silly thing to hope. Life would be easier if he didn't hope so much. "Then... why are you here?"

"I'm here because I need a favor from you." Dumbledore poured the tea for both of them before covering the pot with a tea cozy that had seen better years and sitting down opposite Remus.

Remus blinked and shook his head, confused beyond measure as he prepared his tea. "What sort of favor could you possibly need from me?"

"Forgive me for seeming indelicate, but I need a substitute teacher." 

Remus choked, snorting hot tea out of his nose. "Agh! Fuck, shit!" He stood and grabbed a towel from the rack and wiped at his face. His eyes were streaming from the pain. A nose, particularly a sensitive, slightly-lupine nose, was simply not meant for channeling things like hot tea. "I don't suppose you could warn me next time you're about to say something you know that I'll react badly to? Or at least wait until I'm not in the process of drinking something?"

"Yes. Sorry about that."

"Did I hear you correctly? You want a substitute teacher? Because Severus is missing -- because my BOYFRIEND is missing -- you want me to be a substitute teacher? Because you want to replace him? Have you got any idea how emotionally -- how morally inappropriate that is?"

"I'm aware that it might seem a little unusual."

"Unusual? I don't have a teaching certificate, I'm not even very good at potions! And you want me to replace SEVERUS?"

"As to the first, it just so happens..." Dumbledore pulled a piece of parchment out of his robe and Remus had the strongest suspicion that it was a teaching certificate with Remus' name on it. "And as for the second... There can be no doubt that Severus is an exceptional Potions Master. As a teacher, however, he does leave a little to be desired." He held up a hand when Remus began to bristle. "That isn't to say that he doesn't have the potential to be a great teacher, should he ever find it in himself to stop trying to hold his students to the same exacting standards of quality that he holds himself. Hopefully, time and experience can teach him how to encourage growth in others rather than to discourage failure as he himself was taught. Still, this conversation is less about Severus and more about you. Won't you sit down and drink your tea?"

Remus sighed and resigned himself to not enjoying this conversation and sat. He gulped his tea down and set the empty cup on the saucer. Professor Dumbledore poured him another cup. 

"Your father tells me that you've lost your job."

"I haven't lost it and I haven't quit... I'm only taking a break. I can't... I can't... listen to people talk... not right now."

"I understand perfectly. But you still need to pay the rent -- "

"Severus owns the house."

"You still need a distraction."

Remus looked up into Dumbledore's sympathetic blue eyes. 

"A distraction? From what?" _The fact that my boyfriend is gone, my parents want me to forget about him, I can't stomach the thought of food OR work and my life fucking sucks?_ "I suppose I could do with a distraction. That doesn't change the fact that I'm not qualified to teach potions."

"Should you be willing to take the position, I'm sure you'll find that Severus is a very thorough and remarkably well organized academic. You should have little trouble finding records of any projects that he or his classes might have been working on, as well as all the necessary notes and instructions," Dumbledore smiled gently. "Properly cited of course..."

"Of course." 

"Aside from the modest salary, the emotional distraction and access to all of Severus' most recent researches, there is also the added benefit of taking meals in the great hall. The House Elves, I'm sure you remember, are more than proficient at providing a vast array of epicurean delights to tempt even the most discerning of palates." The soft blue twinkle in Dumbledore's eyes hardened into a significant look. "I'm equally certain that Severus, wherever he is, would be relieved to know that you were being fed properly."

Remus caught his breath. "Wha -- ? H-h-how... How did you know? Did he tell you?"

"Tell me what, dear boy?"

Remus shook his head at his own folly. "Of course he didn't tell you. He never tells anyone anything if he can help it. My father was the one that told you."

"Your father is concerned for your well-being, Remus."

"That doesn't mean he isn't being a meddling wanker."

"True. But can you honestly say that there isn't another significant man in your life who would not resort to similar tactics?"

"The difference is that Severus wouldn't get caught at it... well, unless getting caught was a necessary and thoroughly intentional part of whatever scheme he had concocted. My father is just... trying to arrange things for me... just like he did when I was ten and couldn't look after my own sodding self..."

It was some moments later that Remus realized he had trailed off into thought and that Professor Dumbledore was regarding him silently, allowing him the moment to think. He smiled kindly when Remus shook himself out his daydreams. "Sherbert lemon?"

"No, no thank you... Severus is going to hate that anybody was in his classroom... but I imagine he will be less likely to have a conniption fit if that person was me."

"Then you'll do it?"

Remus bowed his head in defeat. What Professor Dumbledore had said about Severus preferring that he be useful and well looked after and not sitting at home wasting into depression had struck home. It was for HIM that Remus was doing this and for no other reason. "Yes, I'll do it."

"Excellent! Now. The students return to Hogwarts next week, well after the full moon. With any luck, we'll have our Potions Master back before the next lunar cycle."

Remus laughed bitterly. "With any luck..."

"If you would like to come to Hogwarts today and familiarize yourself with the lesson plans for the next few weeks..."

"Can't wait to get me out of the house?" Remus bit his lip as the ghostly echo of a memory swam to mind, a memory of a dark, flirty smile and a long kiss goodbye in the hallway.

"To be honest, yes. I think that getting out of the house is an extraordinary idea, don't you?"

Remus nodded, looking around the kitchen, the only cheerful room in the whole damned place, a room that seemed so very empty and cold just now.

"I like it much better when he's actually here, you know."

"Yes, I think I do. Will you come with me now?"

"...Yes."


	10. Chapter 10

When Remus dreamed of Severus that night, they were alone. When he opened his eyes, the room was dark save for a single light bulb overhead and he didn't see anyone at first, only the filthy floor and two plastic dog bowls on the floor. Scanning the room, he could only make out a vague shape huddled in the corner.

"Severus...?"

The shape shifted in the shadows.

"Severus, is that you?"

Slowly, it began to move forward and Remus thought that he was looking at some sort of strangely shaped, mutant dog. As it entered the light, the details became clearer and Remus could see that it was not a dog at all but a man dressed as a bizarre parody of one. What had appeared, at first, to be a dog snout was actually some sort of elongated leather mask that was affixed over the man's nose and mouth and attached by a leather strap that buckled in the back of his head and also held in place a headband that housed a pair of sharp-pointed wolf ears. His hands were encased and padlocked in paw shaped mittens and there was a wolf pelt draped across his back and shoulders, the front legs of which were held in place with leather cuffs around his wrists, the body of it held by a leather belt around his waist. The leather belt also had a strap that went back between his legs to help secure a plumed wolf tail that was clearly the non-business end of an anal plug.

Amidst all this attire, though, Remus could easily recognize the black eyes that watched him so inquisitively.

"Oh, Severus..."

The tail swayed slowly back and forth, a twisted mockery of a dog pleased to see its master, but afraid of being punished. Remus wanted to vomit. His knees went weak and he felt himself swaying, then suddenly sitting on the ground, nausea clenching at his stomach and threatening to fill his throat with bile.

Severus whimpered and shuffled forward on his mittened hands and Remus could see how bloody his knees were. They must have had him like this for a few days at least. When he was near enough, Severus butted his forehead against Remus' knee and nuzzled and nudged until Remus was forced to wrap his arms around him.

"Fuck, Severus, what have they done to you?"

A soft whine was his only answer and Remus wanted to smack himself for being stupid. With trembling fingers, he reached behind and undid the buckle for the mask, pulling it away as well as the ball gag inside it.

Saliva dribbled down Severus' chin and his head fell forward as he stretched and popped his jaw. Remus took the ears off and tossed them away, then pulled up one of the mittens to examine the padlock.

"N'yer pocket..." Severus' voice was raspy from disuse.

"Wha -- ?"

"Key... n'yer pocket..."

Remus hastened to retrieve it and unlocked the mittens, pulling them off while his lover winced and took great care flexing his fingers.

"Do you want me to...?"

Severus looked at him and Remus could see that his eyes were glassy and slow to focus. Remus flushed as he gestured to the rest of the items adorning Severus' body.

Comprehension was slow to dawn, but Severus shook his head. His voice was thick and slurred as if he had been drinking. "N-no... don' think they're quite finished... play'n yet." He grimaced ruefully and gestured weakly with his hand. "Weren't very gentle with the tail... first time... not again."

Remus nodded, understanding perfectly everything that Severus wasn't actually saying. "Why? Why would they do this?"

Severus sighed, relaxing into Remus' embrace. "Their benefit, not mine. Easier to do... inhuman things to somethin' not quite human... history repeats, Slavers, Nazis... Death Eaters... these fuckers... all the same..." Severus chuckled softly, glazed eyes gazing into the mid-distance. His left arm twitched, catching Remus' attention. Where the Dark Mark had been before You-Know-Who's defeat, there was now a series of puncture wounds and bruises to mark collapsed and broken veins. Remus tentatively touched his fingertips to the wounds, realization making him cold inside. "Oh, Sev..."

The glassy eyes turned down to where Remus' fingers were. "Fucking amateurs thought they could break me... wasn't happening fast enough for them. The Dark Lord... my father... much better at breaking things than these fuckers... Didn't break for them either."

In spite of his brave words, Remus could feel Severus trembling in his arms. It could have been from the cold, or it could have been from other things. Remus wrapped his arms tighter around him. Severus responded by nuzzling his face deep into the crook of Remus' neck.

Remus held him tight, wishing he could do something more, wishing he could do ANYTHING to help and raging inside because he was so fucking useless. Severus sighed, eyes drifting shut.

"Sev? Do you know what they injected you with?"

"Hmm?" His eyes fluttered open and took a few seconds to refocus on Remus' face. "No... Head's fuzzy... Feel sick. Can't concentrate."

That probably explained the use of drugs. If he couldn't concentrate, he couldn't Occlude, either. He wasn't reacting the way they wanted to their attempts to torture and degrade him so they had to find a different method of trying to break through his defenses. Remus stroked Severus' hair back away from his forehead, trying to at least provide what soothing comfort he could.

"Aside from that, how are you holding up?"

A soft bark of laughter accompanied by a weak smile. "How'm I holding up? 'Side from sick 'n miserable 'n disgustingly inhuman?" All mirth died from his face and he seemed to ponder the question quite seriously. "'Fraid 'm never gonna see you again, Re -- " He broke off and shook his head. "Master."

Remus pulled Severus into his arms and held him as tight as he dared. Over the week, the sinewy muscles had begun to waste away leaving his body feeling far too light and fragile for Remus' peace of mind. "You don't have to call me that, love."

"I do... helps... stay in control..." He reached up and fingered the black leather collar around his throat.

Remus frowned, reaching up to touch it as well. The moment he did, the spiky gold script flared to life and warmth flooded his fingertips. Severus sighed in bliss and his head rolled listlessly to the side to rest against Remus.

"I don't understand. What does it mean?"

"Loophole..." Severus flashed a weak smile. "Stupid sons of bitches left me a loophole. All that's left now is to endure... survive until you find me..." Severus' fingers flexed against Remus' chest. "You... ARE... coming to find me... aren't you?"

"Of course I am, love, of course I am!"

"Don't give up on me, Master, please. Don't leave me, not like this..."

Remus held him tighter, cradling his head and rocking slightly, tears coming to his eyes. "I won't Sev, I promise. Never you."

"Can feel it happening.... feel you giving up."

The thoughts he'd had that very day felt like an accusing albatross around his neck. "How...?"

Severus flexed his fingers and brushed against the golden pendant Remus wore. "How do you think? Feel you... Find you... Keep you safe..." His eyelids were starting to flicker. It was obvious that he was losing the fight to stay conscious. 

"Wait, I don't understand. What do you mean, you can find me? Severus? How can you find me?"

Severus' eyes had rolled back into his head. His limbs slackened and he felt almost boneless in Remus' arms. 

"Sev?"

There was no response. Severus had passed out cold.

His body still trembled in his arms and Remus held him as tight as he could...


	11. Chapter 11

...Remus jerked awake at Severus' office desk where he had fallen asleep, tears streaming down his face, the golden pendant a single point of heat where it rested against his collarbone. He gasped and fished it out, staring intently at the lines carved on the one side. 

"Research... Severus had to research you before he made you, didn't he?"

He picked up a pile of papers and glanced through it. These were all potions essays. He picked up another pile, glanced through it. 

Remus stood and looked for any other papers or books, finding nothing but jars full of potions ingredients and strange alchemical contraptions. There was nothing here in the office... but that didn't mean that there wasn't anything in his private quarters. Fortunately, thanks to his days as an amateur cartographer, working on the Marauder's Map, he knew exactly where those quarters were located. Knowing Severus, there was also some sort of passage connecting his room to his office, but there was little chance of him finding it. 

Still, the journey to the darker part of the dungeons was short and quiet, the halls being empty as they always were during the holidays when the students were gone. He almost laughed out loud when he saw the painting that was guarding the entrance to the Potions Masters quarters. 

The painting was of a scene from a lost Wagner opera, a tragedy called "The Curse of Engelhart" about a virtuous werewolf and his lover, the beautiful Hildegunde. The scene was an idyllic forest setting and a young woman with long golden hair held the magnificent silver wolf in her lap, stroking his face and ears while he licked at her hand. 

Remus wasn't sure which he found most amusing, the fact that Severus kept a painting of a werewolf to guard his domain or the thought of him dressed up as a maiden and stroking Remus' ears while they lounged in a secluded woodland grove.

As he approached, the wolf shifted its head to stare at him with bright gold eyes. 

Remus cleared his throat. "I need to get in."

The wolf snarled and showed his teeth and Remus had to struggle not to snarl back. This close to the full moon, Moony was rising close to the surface and didn't appreciate the challenge, even if it was from a painting. 

"I guess you need a password, then? How about aconite? No? Monkshood, then? Wolfsbane?"

The wolf shook his head. 

"Asphodel? Nightshade?"

Another shake of the great shaggy head.

"What about Remus? Or wolf? Lupin? Um, it isn't 'idiot', by any chance? No, none of those?"

The maiden giggled softly into her hand and the wolf tilted his head up to lick at her face before returning his yellow eyes to the intruder.

"Listen, I wish I knew what the password was, but I don't. I need to get in there to find something so I can help Severus, so could you please just let me the fuck in!" 

The wolf chuffed and the painting swung forward.

"Seriously? That was it? 'Let me the fuck in?' Wow... Okay... Thank you."

The sad thing was that he could honestly imagine Severus saying that at the end of long, frustrating day. He nodded politely to the wolf, who barked softly in response, and stepped past the painting to enter the door. He had never been in Severus' rooms here at Hogwarts and he was pleasantly surprised by the rich tones of the room, the dark cherry wood fixtures with silver trimmings and the jewel toned green upholstery and curtains. It was actually a very lovely room, with a cheerfully roaring fire and a wall sized shelf full of books. 

There was also a small, but clean, kitchenette and two doors that must have led to a loo and a bedchamber. 

But the thing that Remus was most interested in was the desk in the corner. After some minutes of searching, he found what he was looking for; a rolled up parchment with a sketch of his pendant on it. Severus' spidery handwriting stood out in places where he had made notes of alterations to the pattern. There was also, at the bottom, a footnote referencing a text.

He glanced up at the wall of books and quickly crossed the room to the shelf, skimming the titles until he found the one he wanted. Remus tucked the book under his arm and almost tripped over his feet in his haste as he stumbled out through the door and began racing down the gloomy dungeon corridor towards the stairs. As much as he loved the twisting mazes of the Hogwarts corridors, they were not conducive to getting anywhere fast and Remus was thoroughly out of breath by the time he made it to Professor Flitwick's office in Ravenclaw Tower.

He pounded on the door, trying to ignore the dizzy light-headedness that seemed to assail him from out of the blue. "Professor...! Professor Flitwick!"

The door opened to reveal the startled visage of the old wizard. "Remus? Are you quite alright?"

"I'm sorry to... Sorry to intrude..."

"Not at all. Come in and sit down. Let me order us some tea; you certainly look like you could use a good cuppa."

Remus swallowed, trying to catch his breath as he sank gratefully into one of the overstuffed armchairs by the Professor's desk, clutching the old book like a lifeline as the world spun crazily on its axis. He probably should have taken the stairs a little slower.

A house elf popped in and delivered a tea service and a tray piled high with biscuits, cakes, and sandwiches. Professor Flitwick sat down and began pouring the tea. "Please, please help yourself." 

"No, thank you. I'm not hungry."

"Not even a tiny little biscuit? Or a cucumber sandwich? They're quite delicious."

"Sir, I'm really not hungry. I ate earlier, I promise."

Flitwick frowned as if he sensed he was being lied to. "Remus..."

Remus felt a cold ball of ice in his stomach. "Dumbledore told you."

"No. The Headmaster told us to respect your privacy. But more than a few of us noticed last night at dinner that you weren't well."

It was churlish of him, but Remus couldn't stop himself from snapping, "It's the full moon tonight! Of course I'm not well!"

Flitwick sighed. "It isn't that. You forget that we've all seen you during the moons when you were a student here. We know the symptoms of lunar sickness and this is different. Remus, you've lost so much weight this last week... Can you blame me for being concerned?" He looked so earnestly troubled that Remus bowed his head in contrition, feeling embarrassed that he'd started to lose his temper.

"I don't blame you for being concerned... I just wish... I wish people would worry more about finding Severus and less about my fucking eating habits. I'm perfectly fine."

"Language, Remus."

"Sorry." Remus twisted his hands together, getting more anxious and upset by the minute.

Flitwick placed a thick roast beef sandwich on a plate and set it front of Remus with a cup of tea. "A compromise then. You eat the sandwich and drink the tea and we will talk about finding Severus."

Remus reluctantly nodded his head and set the book on the table. He swallowed hard, trying to quell his nausea as he picked up one of the sandwich halves. His mouth was dry, too dry to swallow, but he dutifully forced himself to take a bite.

Professor Flitwick set about fixing his own cup of tea while Remus chewed on his sandwich. "I'm very sorry to say that my research into the slave collars hasn't yielded very promising results. Everything that I've read suggests that the only way to remove one is for the wearer to fulfill the conditions of the original binding. To be perfectly honest, it seems that an Unbreakable Vow would be easier to break..." He frowned as he picked up his teacup. "I wouldn't lose hope yet, though. They went from being in wide circulation to hardly used at all. It could just be that there was very literature written about them. Perhaps we'll be able to get more practical information when I can see the collar for myself and run some tests."

Remus nodded and washed down the one bite of sandwich he'd managed to swallow with a gulp of tea. "It isn't actually the collar that we need to focus on. It's this pendant." He held the gold disk out for Professor Flitwick to see. "Severus asked me to wear it the day before... the day before he..." Remus swallowed and shook his head. "And I dreamed about it last night. I think that he asked me to wear it for a reason. I just need to find out what these runes mean."

Professor Flitwick pulled out a pair of reading glasses and leaned forward to get a better look. "Ah, yes... I see... well, I can tell you what the base sigil means. It was rather in vogue back when I was your age. A person would give this to their, uh, ehem, paramour... as a token of their affection. Ostensibly, it was to ensure that the receiver of the token would remain faithful, or chaste as the case might be, but of course, teenagers being what they are, it became more of a toy they would use to spy on each other. The actual charm is quite old though. It dates back to the Dark Ages, at the very least. It was very popular among pure-blooded families."

Remus nodded, taking another sip of tea to hide the fact that he'd set the sandwich down only partially consumed. "Yeah, I can see how it would be useful for arranged marriages. That sort of thing happened a lot back then, didn't it?"

"Quite so, quite so."

"But... well, I don't think that Severus would have made this just to spy on me. Well, I can see him thinking that it was a convenient perk, but I don't think he would go through the trouble SPECIFICALLY to spy on me... not when he would have more fun just following me in person."

"True... He does like to catch people in the act, doesn't he? This line here... it looks like it might be part of a locating charm." The old wizard hopped off the chair and hurried to his own bookcase. "Here, see? Another old one. They used this to track naval shipments before there was a reliable overseas owl post. A wizard could carve this charm into the frame of a box he was sending aboard ship. That way if the ship went down in transit, he could still relocate his package. It became mandatory after a shipment containing a Portable Portal of Infinite Space went missing in Bermuda."

"So we have an engagement charm so that he could spy on me and a locating charm so he could track me..." 

"Well, there are these lines here, too, you see? These ones form a different sigil altogether. Now let me see..." The tiny wizard stretched on his tiptoes to reach for another book. 

Remus sipped his tea and glared balefully at the still mostly uneaten sandwich. He settled instead for a chocolate digestive, hoping that making an effort on the biscuits would at least satisfy his old professor. 

"Ah! Here it is! I KNEW I'd seen this before. Have a look." 

Remus took the book that was offered to him. He couldn't suppress a surprised laugh. "Are you serious? But this is... You have to be kidding! This is the sort of thing that shows up in Witch Weekly on occasion. 'How to Find and Communicate With Your One True Love'?"

"Well, see for yourself. The lines are clear as day on that pendant of yours, don't you think?"

"Well, yes, I see them... but this is a little ridiculous. Although... I guess it would explain how I've been having those dreams. But why would Severus... Oh."

"Something makes sense to you, does it?"

"Spying, tracking, and communicating. He gave this to me the same day that the Sons of Prometheus were in the Daily Prophet for trying to burn Malfoy Manor... He was worried and he wanted to give me something so that if anything happened to me, he would know about it and would be able to find me. He wanted to keep me safe..." Remus felt a surge of protective longing at the thought of Severus going out of his way to ensure his safety without even so much as hinting at what he was doing. The words he'd spoken echoed in his head, _'Feel you, find you, keep you safe...'_

"Yes, I would say there is a great possibility of that being the case."

Remus set his cup down and dropped his head into his hands, "Trouble is, he probably never dreamed I would need to use it to find HIM. So how do I do it? It has traces of his magical signature. There's got to be a way I can track this pendant back to him, right?"

"Not very accurately, but you could get close. To within a mile, I'd say. A simple ' _Retro Vestigius_ ' charm should suffice."

Remus frowned, deep in thought. "A mile isn't very close at all, is it...? Not when you're looking for somebody..." 

It was, though, if you had an advantage... an advantage that came with a heightened sense of smell. The wheels began turning in his head. The full moon was tonight... If only he had a way of... but he did, didn't he? The potion that Severus had put under a stasis charm! He had finished it, Remus was certain he had! 

"On second thought, I think I can manage. Thank you, professor!" Remus stood to leave, then paused. "Do you... do you think I could borrow these books for a few days?"

"Well, certainly, Remus. Might I ask, though...? What are you intending to do after you locate him?"

Remus blinked, almost flummoxed by the question. "I'm going to get him back, of course."

"By yourself? Won't that be a little... well, dangerous?"

The moon pulled at his blood, drawing the wolf close to the surface. He knew that his eyes must be reflecting full gold in this light. "Trust me, sir. The danger will not be to ME."


	12. Chapter 12

Remus stumbled when he apparated home, arms encumbered by books and parchments. It didn't help that moonrise was only a few hours away and the adrenalin was already starting to flow, already making him anxious and twitchy. He didn't have much time. 

He tried to shift the bundle in his arms without dropping pieces so he could fish his key out. The door opened before he managed it. His father stood there, a conflicted expression on his face. "Need a hand, Remmy?"

Remus chewed his lip, resettling his grip. "No thanks, Da, I got it."

John stepped back to let Remus pass him on the way to the library. When he set the books and parchments on the work desk, he turned to see his father had followed him, looking, if anything, even more anxious. 

"Remus... son... we need to talk."

"Now isn't a good time..."

"I'm afraid it's never going to be a good time. I need to... I need to apologize."

"Apologize?" Remus blinked. His father rarely apologized for anything and usually it was only after he had put Remus through something that most people would consider unforgivable. His eyes narrowed in suspicion. "What for?" 

John ran a hand through his hair, his troubled eyes betraying the level of his distress. He seemed to be having trouble finding the words to start.

Remus leaned back against the desk, folding his arms in front of his chest. "I'm not going to like this, am I? Well, you may as well just spit it out."

John looked up quickly; Remus had never actually spoken so sharply to him before. "I'm not proud of it and I don't know how else to tell you, so I'll just go ahead and say it... I was the one... The men that burned down our home... I was the one who contacted them... I was the one who told them there was a Death Eater at our house."

Remus felt a curious lack of sensation, a numbness in his chest and a fuzzy sound between his ears as the world swam out of focus. It was strange, feeling his heartbeat slow to a crawl, hearing the blood roar in his head like the sound of waves crashing on the shore. It was strange feeling as if the entire earth had suddenly stopped rotating on its axis for a moment, a minute, an hour maybe. Life had stopped. 

Remus closed his eyes. 

Life began again. His heart sped up, the room rushed back into focus and the birds chirped pleasantly outside as if nothing monumental had happened.

John rubbed the back of his neck, unable to hide his guilt. "We were just worried about you. After that letter that Sirius sent us... and then you showed up to our house with that man. I was just trying to do what was best for you and... at the time I thought I knew what that was. I'm sorry."

"You're sorry... I see." He nodded, almost to himself, and uncrossed his arms. He turned back to the pile of parchments on the desk, not really seeing them, just needing to avert his attention while his brain processed the information. "I see..."

"Are you going to say something?"

"What would you like me to say?"

"I would like you to say that you forgive me."

Remus nodded again to himself, plucking at a piece of parchment, too numb to summon the rage and the anger that he knew he should be feeling. "You're my father. Of course I'm going to forgive you... But don't expect me to trust you ever again."

"Remmy..."

"And the next time you think of doing something in my best interest, if you could stop and remind yourself that you have only ever made my life hellish and miserable by doing so, I would greatly appreciate it." Remus clutched the parchment he needed in his fist and began to storm out of the library. 

"Remus!" John grabbed him by the elbow as he passed and Remus at the hand that held him, not sure that he could look the man in the face just now. Suddenly, books began flying off the shelf and smacking into Remus' father with enough force and intensity that he was startled and let loose his hold. "What the hell?"

"I told you, the books in here don't always like people." 

More books flew off the shelf, creating a scene of chaos in the recently well-organized library. A particularly heavy tome of magical creatures hit John in the back of the head, knocking him to his knees. "Ow! Bugger!"

"I guess they don't like you very much."

Remus looked out the window. Moonrise was in less than an hour. He had to hurry.

"Remmy, call them off! Ow!"

"No, I don't think that would be in my best interest, just now." He left the room, unable to feel guilty at leaving his father with the minor discomfort of a barrage of books. It was nothing compared to the way his and Severus' lives had been altered this past week. He took the stairs down to the basement as quick as he dared and made his way to the back of the laboratory where Severus had been brewing the week before, where the potion he had been practicing still stood under a stasis charm. 

Wolfsbane. Untried, untested, and, according to Severus, unfit for consumption. He waved his wand to remove the stasis charm and wrinkled his nose in distaste at the poisonous smell. That was what it was, really... poison. It bubbled and swirled in the cauldron, large green pustules rising to the surface before they popped, releasing more of the acrid stench into the air. 

Remus grit his teeth and grabbed a ladle. Some instinct, deep within, was telling him that it was dangerous to wait, too dangerous to leave Severus with those political nut jobs for even one more day, that if he didn't do this tonight, he would regret it for the rest of his life. But he couldn't unleash a fully enraged werewolf without some way of controlling it. The Wolfsbane would give him control... IF it worked.

Remus eyed the goblet full of putrid liquid. IF it worked... IF it didn't kill him...

He swallowed, took a breath. Let it out and took another.

Severus was the youngest Potions Master in more than six centuries. He had brewed this and Severus didn't make mistakes when he brewed. 

Remus swallowed the potion down.

It tasted even more vile than it looked and burned his throat going down. It hit his stomach like a bucket of hot tar and his insides immediately set to crawling as if he'd just swallowed a hundred or so live maggots and they were all struggling to get out. It was the most horrendous feeling he'd ever had the misfortune of feeling and he wanted to fall to his knees and sick up. 

But he couldn't. He had a job to do and if he didn't get a move on, it would be too late. One arm wrapped protectively around his stomach, as if the extra support could quell the nausea, he set the parchment on the potions bench and pulled his wand. He focused on the charm around his neck, muttering the incantation on the parchment. 

Suddenly, he knew. He knew that if he apparated, he would be where he needed to be. He wasn't sure where that was, just that he knew where he needed to go. He touched his fingers to the gold medallion at his throat.

"Remus?"

He closed his eyes and began to twist, the world spinning away even as arms grabbed him around the waist. Then the laboratory was gone, and he and his unknown passenger were disintegrating through the air to arrive with a loud crack in the middle of an empty parking lot in Muggle London. Remus fell to his knees, his insides twisting painfully as the poison worked through his system. 

He gasped and dry-heaved, unable to expel the contents of his stomach. He had never felt so thoroughly sick in his life. 

Strong arms supported him and held his head as he shivered and retched. 

"Remus?"

"Da..." He dry-heaved again. "What... what are you doing here?"

"I know you've come after Severus, but you can't control the wolf, son. I read that article in the basement, the one about the potion. It isn't going to work, Remmy. I've tried enough cures on you to know it isn't going to work."

"Maybe I don't need it to work. Maybe I just need to kill some people. Isn't that what Greyback does? Apparate himself close to a person he wants to kill just before moonrise? Isn't that how he came after you and got me instead?"

"Yes. But you aren't a monster, Remus." 

"I used to think I wasn't." The pain was getting worse. The transformation would begin any moment. "You should go. I can't guarantee your safety, Dad."

"Then you can't guarantee anyone else's safety either. I'll stay... just to make sure that you don't go after the wrong people." 

"Shouldn't... too dangerous... the wolf..."

The wolf was twisting inside him, howling his agony as the moon began to crest over the rooftops.

"I've been around a lot longer than you have, son. I know a thing or two about protecting myself."

"Then get back! Get away!" Remus struggled away from his father's embrace and screamed as the silver light of the moonbeams caught him full on. 

The pain was nearly unbearable and it started with his teeth breaking and rearranging themselves and his claws ripping through his fingernails. Usually, Remus was able to black out at that point, but not this time. This time he was horribly and painfully _aware._

Every bone that broke was a new agony as his ligaments and muscles stretched and twisted to accommodate his changing body. Every follicle of hair that thrust up through his skin was a fresh torment of itching and the only cure for it would be to rip his own skin off. His shabby old coat that he had neglected to remove ripped across the back seam as his shoulders broadened, the sleeves ripped away as his arms became his forelegs and relocated in his shoulder sockets. 

As he screamed his vocal chords seemed to shiver and tighten and the scream turned to a howl as plaintive as it was furious. 

It couldn't have been longer than a minute before the bones in his face were snapping and reshaping, his jaw unhinging as it popped into a shape more in line with the rows of razor sharp canine teeth that had invaded his mouth. 

All in all, it was a terribly unpleasant experience that Remus could only be thankful that he had missed out on for all of these years. The nausea only made everything worse. And he wasn't the only one feeling it; a strange, alien presence was ripping at his mind, scrabbling at the nerve endings in his brain it seemed, in an effort to gain control of their body. 

If he concentrated, he could even hear words that he himself wasn't actually thinking. 

**The two-legger has poisoned us! Rip it, tear it, kill it, eat it!**

_What?_

The wolf crouched, ready to spring. Remus grit his teeth and focused his will.

_No! No killing!_

**Kill it before it kills us!**

_No! The two-legger is Pack. You will not kill him!_

The rage he sensed did not quell, but the alien consciousness seemed to ponder his words as he sniffed the air.

**It does not SMELL like Pack.**

_Well, he IS Pack and you won't hurt him._

Moony paced back and forth, memorizing the scent.

**It wishes to be Alpha, yet it reeks of fear. We should rip it just a little, not enough to kill, just to show its place.**

_No! Absolutely no ripping, killing, maiming, biting, shredding, or tearing is allowed._

**A nibble, then... just a tiny little nibble on the flank should be sufficient.**

_NO!!!!_

Remus put all of his will power, all of his own fury into the single phrase, making it roar in his mind like a lion. The wolf cowered under the mental onslaught and Remus had the impression that if the wolf hadn't been feeling so ill, he might have had more to say on the subject.

**Very well. No nibbling.**

It actually sounded put out, much like Severus did when he didn't get his way, and receded enough that Remus had control over their shared body. Remus shook his head, amazed that he could, feeling the weight of the heavy skull make the motion sluggish and slow.

He turned his head to face his father. Moony was right; the man was terrified and standing perfectly still the way one does when confronted with a predator. He swallowed and seemed to gather his courage.

"Re-Remus? D-d-did it work?"

Remus tried to smile. _Yes, it's me, Da._

**Foolish cub. The two-legger does not understand. It would sooner butcher and burn our kin than learn the meaning of the Hunt song.**

_The two-legger is my Da. He isn't going to butcher us._

Moony seemed to reexamine John Lupin with a keener interest. **The two-legger is Sire? That changes nothing. Two-leggers murder their offspring. This is common knowledge.**

_That's not true... alright, maybe it happens on occasion, but it isn't common. My Da isn't going to murder us, I promise!_

**You expect me to sacrifice our safety for the sake of your naive optimism?**

Remus whimpered. Moony had sounded so much like Severus just then.

 _What I expect is for you to obey me!_ He exerted his will again until the wolf in him submitted.

"Remus, son, if you can hear me, just give me some kind of signal, alright?"

Moony wasn't pleased, but had retreated in their mind sufficiently for Remus to feel confident that no accidents would happen. He lowered his head and pawed at the ground, whimpering slightly.

"Alright, then... You're running this show, son. Which way are we going?"

Remus sniffed at the air and was instantly assaulted by a dizzying array of indefinable scents. Even the thought of sifting through them for the one scent that he wanted was enough to give him a migraine.

**Only a two-legger expects to be proficient at a skill it has not spent a lifetime developing.**

_You can do it easily, though. I need you to find Severus._

**What care I for this Severus? It sounds like a two-legger and all two-leggers should be ripped to pieces.**

_Not this one. This one is Pack._

**Like Sire is Pack? Ha! You are not as discerning as you should be and too sentimental by half, Short Snout. Because you proclaim a two-legger to be Pack does not make it so!**

_Wait, Short Snout?_

**A perfectly respectable name for a wolf. Far more respectable than Moony, I should like to point out.** The wolf sniffed in disdain.

_Oh! I'm sorry, I never knew you didn't like the name. It was... it was Sirius that named you._

**It was the Star Dog that named me. What care I for this Sirius? It isn't Pack too, is it?**

_No, Sirius isn't Pack, but Severus is and I need you to help me find him._

**Why?**

_Because he's my mate!_

**Mate? OUR Mate? It is the Spider Fang you wish to find?**

_Spider Fang?_

**When he bites, his victims bleed venom. Is he not very like an eight-legger? He sets his trap and watches and waits in the shadows and then bites with his venom... Spider Fang is a very respectable wolf name. Not like Moony.**

_Alright. You have a point. Spider Fang is who I wish to find._

The wolf sniffed the air again, eyes closed as it sifted through thousands of scents. 

**He is nearby.**

_Really? Which smell is his?_

**The stench of decay, of rotting animal parts and molding forest brush.**

_That doesn't smell like Severus at all._

**Perhaps the Spider Fang smells different to a short-snouted two-legger. That is what I smell when I scent him. His scent is in that building there.**

Remus looked at the building that stood in front of him. The windows were boarded up, as were many down this street. It was hard to make out details in monochrome, but he would have recognized the building earlier were he not distracted by his physical change and his mental struggle with Moony. The charm had brought him to the old disco hall where he and Sirius used to spend their summer evenings; the dance hall on 4th and Macon Street that had closed and was slated for deconstruction. 

Remus leaped forward into a canter across the parking lot to the boarded up door and began scratching at the plywood that held it shut. 

His father hurried up behind him. "In there, is he? Well, back up a bit... _Reducto_!" 

The door and the heavy boards nailed across it exploded in a shower of wooden splinters. The inside of the building looked different than he remembered, with all of its interior gutted and removed. It was no wonder he had mistaken it for a warehouse. Moony sniffed again and Remus caught a whiff of what seemed like an entire decade's worth of sweat and body odor leached into the walls and ceiling; it was a little like getting an unexpected face full of someone else's dirty jock strap. Remus found it vaguely nauseating. Moony found his reaction more than a little amusing.

**Perhaps your name should be Tender Snout instead?**

Remus shook his head.

_We can discuss my inadequacies later. Where is Severus?_

Moony snuffled, nose to the ground, as he drew in and filtered out scent after scent, honing in the one out of thousands that he was looking for. Remus wasn't certain whether it was he or Moony that yipped excitedly when he found the trail and began following it across the barren dance floor.

John pulled his wand and cast a quick _Lumos_ , making Remus' vision flare up in bright monochrome. The light was enough to illuminate the back wall where a door stood slightly ajar. The scent the wolf had honed in on seemed to be coming from that direction and Moony was quick to canter forward.

The wolf growled as he neared the door. 

**There are two-leggers down there... and the smell of burning.**

_What!? BURNING!? What sort of burning!?_

**The sort of burning that involves fire. What other sort of burning is there?**

_Well, is it part of the building? Is it a trash heap? Logs in a furnace? What?_

**We should hurry. The two-leggers... am I to understand there will be no tearing and ripping of them?**

_I'd rather you didn't._

**You have no love of the Hunt. It is disgraceful.**

Remus growled and surged forward through the door, plunging down the stairs behind it, barely managing to keep his paws under him as he charged downwards. He smacked his nose painfully into the door at the bottom, not realizing that it was closed and wouldn't give way under his considerable weight. He reared up on his hind paws and scrabbled at the heavy metal with his claws, looking back over his shoulder at John who was just now coming down the stairs. Remus dropped and hurried part way up the stairs again, giving John a clear shot at the door.

" _Reducto!_ "

The door blasted off its hinges and Remus could hear the startled cries and at least one shout of pain. He also smelled the heady, rich scent of blood and the wolf shivered in delight.

**Rip, tear, kill, eat! Drink their blood and devour their flesh!**

_No! No killing, no eating! Find Severus!_

The wolf grumbled and fought, but Remus wrestled him back into submission. With a snarl, they charged into the room amid screams of panic and terror. Apparently the terrorists had signed up for setting fires and kidnapping, but contending with a full-grown werewolf was beyond their contract descriptions. It took only a snarl of rage and a few well-placed snaps with his overly large teeth to send them scampering through one of the doorways. 

One of them tried to cast a hex at him... a stinging curse or a Cruciatus. Even though it caught him full on, it barely made his fur tickle. He lunged and snapped, grabbing hold of a bit of cloth and ripping it. 

A curse whizzed above his head, taking out the man whose robe he'd torn. Remus whirled and lunged, chomping at the heels of another man trying to escape. Soon the room was cleared and the only casualty in the room was the poor bloke who had been smashed down by the heavy metal door. The blood felt sticky beneath his paws and he had to struggle to keep Moony from lapping it up. 

**Far too sensitive to be a wolf. How is it different from savoring the hot blood of a fresh caught rabbit in our teeth?**

_It's different because you're not bloody doing it, that's how!_

**You are no fun at all.**

"Remus! Can you smell the smoke? We have to find your bloke and get the hell out of here!"

**This way.**

Moony trotted forward through a door that many of the men had passed through in their scramble to escape him. The smell of wood smoke was starting to overpower the carrion scent that Moony had firmly decided was Severus' but they were both coming from down this hallway. There was another closed door at the end and Moony looked up at John expectantly. 

"I've got it." He waved his wand and the door exploded inwards. Hexes and curses came flying out of the room and John fell to the ground to avoid them. Moony had no such care and leapt forward, bounding through the doorway and snarling in rage. Curses hit him, but he never felt them, the sight that greeted him had distracted him so fully. 

Severus, his body one massive canvas of blood and bruises, hung suspended from the ceiling by chains, his feet not quite supported by the bundles of wood that had been piled underneath him. Moony's nose wrinkled at the charred smell of the wood and the smoke in the room. It was as if there had been a fire going, but somebody had put it out. A fire directly underneath Severus; they had tried to burn him alive! 

Remus vaguely heard John swear from behind him, "Christ Almighty...!"

Remus growled. At the sound, Severus' eyes snapped open and he focused on the wolf. For a moment, all Remus could see was terror in his black eyes and the way that his entire body went suddenly rigid. After a moment, the terror turned to puzzlement, his gaze switching from Remus to John and back again, his cracked lips parting to form the word 'Remus?' though not a breath of sound was made. 

He was crouching low to spring at the nearest of the men who had kidnapped and tortured his lover when the man he most wanted to kill stepped out from behind Severus, a ball of fire glowing in his hand. "I wouldn't if I were you, not unless you want to see this Death Eater scum go up in flames."

It was almost too much for Remus to restrain the wolf this time, his teeth gnashing and his body vibrating with his rage.

John spoke, his voice direct and matter of fact in a way that Remus wouldn't have been even if he could have spoken. "You should think for a moment before you do that. If you kill him, the Wizengamot will send you to Azkaban. If you walk away, you let him go, I'll forget I even saw you here."

Typhon laughed. "Forget? Yes, that's what you people always want to do, isn't it? Just forgive and forget and ignore the damage that these fuckers have caused!"

Remus growled. John put out a placating hand. "I understand how you feel, I've no reason to protect Death Eaters. But this one hasn't done anything to you -- "

"Hasn't done anything? He's the worst of the lot!" Typhon held the fire close to Severus' face, causing him to flinch and jerk his head away. "Do you have any idea who this is? No, you don't do you? You really don't." Typhon grinned. "This is Severus Fucking Snape, You-Know-Who's pet Potions Master! This is the man who makes all the magic happen. You-Know-Who says, 'Let there be no more Muggles upon this earth!' and this is the man who makes it happen." Typhon's eyes seemed almost red, reflecting the fire that he held in his hand. "Only he didn't just kill Muggles to make his poison. Yes, the Muggle Plague that's been in the papers? Who do you think concocted it if not our precious little Potions Master here. He didn't just kill Muggles with it, though, did he? He had to test it first, didn't he? To make sure that it didn't accidentally kill off any of their precious Purebloods, so he tested it on Mud-bloods and Blood-traitors until he found the right... recipe. Isn't that right, dog?"

Severus looked away, self-disgust written in his features. "I'm so sorry, Remus..." His voice was cracked and hoarse from screaming or disuse. When he met the wolf's eyes, they were unnaturally bright with unshed tears. "I didn't want you to know... but I didn't finish it, I told him I couldn't. Please, you have to believe me. I'm sorry."

Typhon snarled and backhanded Severus across the face, causing him to swing around by the chain attached to his wrists. "You're SORRY?! You murdered my mom and my sister, poisoned them with your noxious potions and you're SORRY!?" He pulled his wand and snarled, "Be sorry for THIS!"

Flames erupted from the bundles of wood, engulfing Severus entirely faster than Remus would have ever thought possible. 

**It has hurt our Spider Fang! It has hurt our MATE!**

Moony roared his fury and sprang towards the offender, knocking him to the ground and gouging at his chest with his sharp claws. 

**TEAR IT! RIP IT! KILL IT! BLEED IT!**

Typhon tried to scream, tried his best to dislodge the heavy killing machine that had knocked the wind from him and held him helpless beneath it. 

_Moony, stop! Don't kill him! STOP!_

It was too late. Sharp canine fangs had begun ripping through the soft flesh of the helpless man's belly. Now he did scream. The sound was horrible, but no worse than the sound of the fire crackling behind him. He pulled up his wand, but Moony snarled and snapped his wrist with his strong jaws, snapped it again and then ripped the limb from the body. 

Remus didn't want to watch any more... He couldn't watch anymore... But the Wolfsbane wouldn't let him retreat into the darkness either. It held him hostage as blood filled his mouth and the stench of human entrails filled his nose. He wanted to be sick, to vomit, to purge the vileness from his mouth and stomach, but Moony had wrested control and wasn't giving it back without a fight. 

_I told you not to kill him!_

**I didn't KILL it. Had I KILLED it, I would have crushed its throat between my jaws. The fact that it died shortly after being disemboweled is not my concern. As I recall, disemboweling was not on your list of prohibited actions.**

Moony licked the blood from his muzzle, clearly enjoying the carnage in spite of the strangely monochrome flashes of magic that whizzed close by his head. 

_I had thought it was implied with the ripping and tearing._

**Ripping and tearing are two completely different actions and entirely separate from mauling and disemboweling. I have neither the time, the patience, nor the inclination to explain the subtle intricacies of the Hunt Song to an ignorant, short-snouted two-legger.**

Remus gathered his willpower and unleashed it all in one powerful psychic blast that left the wolf whimpering.

_No more two-leggers will die tonight! You WILL obey me! You WILL submit!_

Moony cringed and growled, fighting for control and losing.

**I will... submit... for now.**

Remus turned their attention back to the desperate battle that was still waging. Old boxes of bottles were being shattered, spraying those nearby them with glass shards and wood splinters. There were scorches and char marks everywhere it seemed across the floor and the walls. 

Somehow John had gotten Severus free and they were hiding behind one of the old upholstered booths that had been removed from the upstairs. John was using his wand to fire back hexes while Severus seemed to be concentrating on shielding them. His eyes were closed and he was muttering to himself, his legs splayed awkwardly in front of him and his hands draped on the floor as if he hadn't the energy to put them in his lap. 

If something didn't change soon... There was only so much that Severus could do with wandless magic.

If only Severus had his wand...!

_Moony, I need you to find a stick!_

**Now seems hardly the time to engage in foolish two-legger games. Must I also remind you that I am a wolf and NOT one of your tamed canines? I do not fetch sticks!**

_Would you know what I was talking about if I said I need you to find a wand?_

**The two-leggers' blasting rods? The ones they tickle our fur with?**

_Yes!_

**Difficult. They usually keep them in their possession. The Disemboweled One perhaps had a blasting rod, though I was inattentive of it...**

_I would rather we find the Spider Fang's blasting rod. It would have been taken from him. Perhaps... there has to be an office or something. A room that smells more like Typhon?_

**Smells like who?**

Remus growled. 

_The Disemboweled One._

Moony wasted no more time. He sniffed the air and charged across the room, not bothering to avoid the hexes that came his way. Just before they reached the loading bay doors, Moony skittered to a halt, claws scrabbling against the concrete as he changed directions sharply to the left. He leapt deftly over boxes and around rubbish, sniffing the air as he went. 

****There! That room there! It reeks of the two-legger.** **

The door was shut, but this one was made of wood. Moony raked his paws down it, gouging the wood deeply with his sharp claws. He backed up and charged, throwing his weight into it, causing it to crack and splinter. He used his teeth to pry at the door jamb, steadily and deliberately pulling the door and the frame to pieces. It seemed to take hours, but that was only because Remus was consciously aware of how desperately nearer his father and Severus were to being overrun with every minute that he took in his errand. Finally, Moony was able to push his body through the splintered remains of the door, heedless of the wooden fragments that stabbed and stuck to his skin. There would be time for the scratches to heal later. 

The room that they broke into would have been interesting had Remus been in his human form. There were maps on the wall, clippings from both the Quibbler and the Daily Prophet, papers... But the thing that interested him most was the desk and the trophy sitting on top of it. Severus' wand held pride of place amongst the other souvenirs the Sons of Prometheus had collected from their victims. Moony rose up on his hind paws and snatched it with his teeth, careful not to crack the ebony wood with his strong jaws. 

The race back to the battle was a fast one. He stretched his legs and sprinted across the warehouse floor towards the flashes of light, pushing himself faster and faster until he was tumbling through a barrage of hexes to make it to Severus' side. 

John was grey-faced and sweating, no longer throwing hexes. Severus' pale face only made the bruises and cuts stand out in horrific relief. He was so still that Remus thought for a heart wrenching moment that he might have been dead, until he noticed the almost imperceptible movement of his lips. 

Moony dropped the wand into Severus' lap, but the man didn't react. His eyes remained shut, his hands remained at his sides. Moony whined and leaned down to lick at his limp hand. The fingers were cold against his overly hot tongue. He pawed at his leg and began to lick his face, gently laving his tongue over the bruises and cuts. There was still no reaction. 

****What is wrong with our mate, Short-Snout? Why does he not move?** **

Moony whined and pawed at him again. 

_He's concentrating... He's trying not to be distracted._

Remus tilted his head and stuck his cold, wet nose directly in Severus' ear. The man jumped, eyes flying open in startled displeasure as the shimmering wall of magic that was protecting them shattered and dissipated under the deluge of curses being flung their way. 

He gasped at seeing the wolf so close to his face, terror instantly tightening his features and making his irises impossibly dark against the whites of his eyes. 

Remus whined softly. 

"Re..." Severus swallowed. "Remus?" 

Remus felt his face stretch into a wolf grin and his tail began thrashing uncontrollably back and forth. He whimpered in excitement and began lapping at Severus' face in earnest. Severus spluttered and groaned. 

"Stop, stop it!" He tried to lift a hand to shove the wolf away. Remus took the hint and dropped his nose to nudge the wand in his lap. Severus followed his gaze, a tight smile stretching his face for a brief second at the return of his wand. 

Remus locked his gaze onto Severus' eyes. 

_Please... end this. Do what needs to be done. End this so we can go home, love._

His voice was quiet. "Is that an order?" Remus nodded. Severus smiled. "Alright then." 

Severus grimaced as he took hold of his wand, hissing with pain as he forced his broken fingers to wrap around the gracefully carved ebony. He traced a pattern in the air and swished his hand in a circular motion, hissing the words, " _Carpe Vita!_ " 

Black fog began to radiate from Severus and expand in a circular field until it encompassed the entire room. Energy flashed and sparked and people began crying out in alarm. The magic barrage slowed then stopped. Remus peeked his nose around the remnants of the upholstery to see the surrounding men doubling over and collapsing to the ground. Every one of them was sparking with dark energy, just as Severus was. Soon, the entire room was filled with men writhing on the ground and moaning. 

Remus turned his attention back to Severus to see the battered, barely functioning man of five minutes ago replaced with a dangerous warrior, so full of dark power that he was practically vibrating with life energy. The bruises and gashes across his face had already begun to heal, as well as his various broken appendages. He flexed his fingers and wrists, rolled his ankles and stretched his feet and legs, pulling them into a more normal position. 

He then reached across to place a hand against John's shoulder. Soon the greyness and exhaustion in his father's face were replaced with new vitality. 

In a matter of mere moments, both Severus and John were the pictures of health and every last man of the kidnappers were gasping for breath as they lay listlessly on the ground where they'd fallen. Severus stood and stalked towards the nearest of them, glaring with disgust as he disdainfully flicked his wand and the black fog vanished. 

John stood himself, voice trembling only slightly with alarm. "What the bloody hell sort of spell was that?" 

Severus flexed his jaw, turning to look at them, his gaze alternating between father and son as he decided on what to say. He was only silent for a few moments, before speaking, his tone daring John to question his methods. "Necromancy. Darkest of the Dark Arts." 

John blanched and Remus flinched. "Necromancy!? Then... you've killed them all? They're dying?" 

"They could be if I wished it, but no. The life force regenerates itself if given the chance and I've only leached a little from all of them as opposed to all of it from one or two of them. These men shall recover, given time. It is more than can be said for the blood smear over there..." 

The blood smear that Remus didn't want to think about. 

****It is useless to cry over downed pray.** **

_That doesn't mean that I don't regret it._

**Regrets are a waste of time. Looking to the past does not ensure the survival of the cubs, nor does it feed the pack through winter. If you must share your sorrows, voice them to the Hunt Mistress when the pack sings the Moon Song.**

What Moony had said was true, but Remus couldn't quell the feelings of guilt and nausea that roiled around in his stomach. He trotted towards Severus and whined, rubbing his muzzle up the man's naked thigh. It seemed almost natural when Severus' long-fingered hand dropped low to stroke his face and rub his ears. It was such a nice feeling... he thought again of Engelhart and Hildegunde in the painting guarding Severus' door. How nice it would be to lay in a beautiful forest clearing, curled up in Severus' lap, with those long, magical fingers stroking his ears... 

While Severus and John spoke about how best to deal with a room full of incapacitated vigilantes, Remus leaned heavily against his lover's side. The adrenalin from the hunt and the ensuing battle were beginning to wear off, leaving him overly hot and shaky. It didn't help that the nausea didn't leave him. In fact, it seemed to be getting worse. 

_Moony, do you always feel this sick after killing?_

The wolf whimpered, apparently feeling the worse for wear as well. Remus wanted to believe that it was the guilt, the miserable guilt and the fear and the relief all combining together that was making him feel so sick, but he knew that Moony had no care for any of those things and was himself feeling miserably ill. 

The fingers stroking his ears stilled and Remus cried out as the unease in his stomach turned to physical pain. 

"Remus! Remus, what's wrong?" 

The hot, shivery feeling had overcome him and he could no longer support himself. Wide, frantic eyes met his own as his legs folded underneath him. 

_Hurts... Feel sick..._

"The potion..." Severus turned to John. "The potion in the basement. Remus drank that tonight? 

"Yes, the one in the cauldron. What's happening?" 

"I think he might be having a reaction to it. I have to... Will you be -- ?" 

"I'll be fine. Take him..." 

John might have said more but Remus couldn't hear it. His stomach lurched and he violently heaved up the contents of his stomach. It was the singularly most unpleasant experience of his life and he'd had more than a few to compare it to. His stomach clenched and he vomited again. He felt strong arms wrap around his midriff and he cried out again in pain and misery. Dust and debris from the ceiling came crashing down to the floor nearby, but Remus was too sick to care or wonder how it got there or why. 

Then he had just enough time to see the warehouse floor pull away as Severus leaped into flight and the world spun away into darkness. 


	13. Chapter 13

Remus knew enough about waking up in hospitals to know that he wasn't terribly injured this time, aside from the overall ache and the soreness in his muscles. His mouth felt filmy as it did after he spent a night getting thoroughly intoxicated at the pub.

He groaned and stretched, not feeling any new plasters or bandages. What he DID feel was a hundred times better. Long cool fingers pressing his hand and twining with his own.

"Severus..." He breathed the name like a prayer, already smiling before he opened his eyes. "You're so fucking beautiful... you know that?" Even with his too large nose, his too pale skin, too greasy hair, too black to be beautiful eyes... "So fucking beautiful."

Severus' face twisted in a grimace. "And you're so fucking delusional. Are you sure you didn't hit your head last night?" He brushed his fingers across Remus' forehead, pushing his bangs out of his face, and Remus had to struggle not to lean into the touch.

"Deliriously happy, does that count?"

The barest hint of a smile flashed across Severus' face, but it was quickly replaced with a worried scowl. "You've been out for a time. Almost a week. I was starting to worry."

"A week? How could... That can't be right!"

"Can't it?"

"It's never taken me a week to recover from the moon. A day at most, but a week?"

"Ah. And there was nothing... NEW... about this transformation?"

"No, of course... oh."

"Yes. 'Oh,' indeed." Severus traced his fingers down Remus' sharp cheekbones. "I would also imagine the fact that you hadn't been eating at all might have contributed."

Remus flushed guiltily. "That couldn't have mattered that much. I've transformed before with no food in my stomach and it didn't affect me that badly."

"Well, let's put this in other terms, shall we? A man that goes out drinking on an empty stomach versus a man that eats a heavy meal before his night at the pub... which gets the most intoxicated?"

Remus scowled, already seeing where this was going. "The man that didn't eat."

"Right. Because without food in the stomach to absorb the alcohol, it all goes straight into the bloodstream, right? Now... let's say a werewolf drinks an entire goblet of POISON on an empty stomach... what do you think happens?"

Remus couldn't hold Severus' gaze. "You're right, I wasn't even thinking about that... I'm sorry, Sev." 

"Yes, well, you clearly weren't thinking of a lot of things. If you're feeling well enough, perhaps you should read this..."

Severus pulled away and unceremoniously dropped a Daily Prophet onto Remus' chest. He folded his arms across his chest and fixed Remus with a firm look.

Remus pressed his lips together, puzzled by Severus' sudden withdrawal. He picked up the paper and read the headline: "Unexpected Setbacks For Werewolf Cure."

Frowning, he continued to read.

_Potions Researcher Nicholas Belby was met with disappointment today by the lackluster results of his Wolfsbane potion. During the last full moon, Belby was given the opportunity to field test his miracle cure on a handful of volunteers. Of the ten souls who stepped forward to be tested on, only two were actually successful in their quest to tame their inner beast. Three showed no significant change from their normal feral behaviors, one is currently being treated in St. Mungo's Psychiatric Ward for what is described as an unfortunate and unforeseeable side effect. For the remaining volunteers, the supposed 'miracle' cure proved to be fatal. Belby is not deterred by this unfortunate outcome, however, and is earnestly insisting that he has identified the problem and that his next batch will have more favorable results..._

Remus stopped reading. He looked up to see Severus' obsidian black eyes watching him intently.

"Severus..."

Remus could tell that Severus had been trying to restrain him from ranting, but could hold it back no longer. "Do you have any idea how STUPID that was? Do you have any idea how LUCKY you are? One in two, Remus! Fifty-fifty! You could have died, you could have been driven insane! Even if it HADN'T killed you, there was still a three in five chance that you would have gone on a murderous rampage with no control and nothing to restrain you! If you had killed somebody, if you had even _bitten_ somebody, you would have been euthanized! Do you understand that?" Severus bit off his tirade with a pained look. He had evidently had little to do over the past week but worry over Remus' recovery. When he spoke again, his voice was low. "I had an eighty percent chance of losing you that night, Remus."

Remus swallowed. "I had a hundred percent chance of losing you that night if I hadn't done anything. Isn't that what you're always getting on me about? Standing by and not doing anything?"

Severus rolled his eyes. "Fine time to start taking my advice..."

"Besides... I did... That night... I did kill -- "

Severus put a hand to Remus' mouth to silence him, eyes darting back and forth to see if anybody had heard. "Death by Misadventure is what I believe you were intending to say, Remus. Isn't that right?"

"Sev?"

"The man that died. There are more than a few witnesses who saw the man torn apart by a misplaced exploding hex and as the pieces were charred beyond all recognition by a fire of his own making, it will be quite impossible for anyone to prove otherwise."

"Oh... Umm, alright. Death by Misadventure. Quite right, then."

"But we will discuss it in more depth later if it will make you feel better."

"I would... I'd appreciate that."

Severus nodded his assent, but his expression was tight and his eyes seemed tired.

Remus reached up a hand, trying to smooth away the anxiety he saw in Severus' face. "How are you doing, love?"

He was startled. "I... I am perfectly healthy, of course."

"Healthy is good... but how are you DOING?"

Severus grimaced. "Poppy believes that I am suffering from some sort of new, highly fashionable Muggle ailment. Posttraumatic Stress Disorder. I believe it is her way of justifying my caustic personality."

"Caustic, Severus? I think you're delightful."

Severus continued to stroke Remus' hair, his voice uncharacteristically soft. "You're only saying that because I've gone easy on you. As soon as you're well enough to leave that bed I will be more than happy to lecture you until your ears bleed about that stunt you pulled."

"I AM sorry..."

"Don't lie to me. You're not in the least bit sorry. You don't even have the decency to LOOK repentant. Is it really so much to ask that you not make grand heroic GRYFFINDOR gestures of self-sacrifice? Particularly when it involves taking stupid risks?"

"You're going to lecture ME on heroic gestures of self-sacrifice, Mr. I'm Going To Happily Wait Around To Die In A Burning Building While My Lover Apparates To Safety? I know you did it to save me, but you could have been killed, too, Severus. Frankly, I don't see how what I did was any different."

"Fine. I can see the parallel, but it IS different when I do it, for fuck's sake."

"Yeah? How?"

"Because if I die doing something stupid to save you, I don't have to worry about how I'm going to function without you constantly exasperating me, you selfish arse, as I would undoubtedly have to do were the situations reversed. It is callous and rude and quite unchivalrous of you to inflict such torments on me."

Remus' jaw dropped and he couldn't quite stop himself from gaping. "Severus Tobias Snape, are you saying what I think you're saying?"

Severus sniffed and rolled his eyes. "I have said no such thing. Unlike certain romantically drippish individuals in this room, I am not given to such maudlin sentiments."

"I think you just said that you would have trouble living without me." Remus grinned.

Severus huffed out a put upon sigh. "I am not adverse to admitting that it would be an uncomfortable adjustment."

"I think you just said that you love me."

"I think you're delusional..." 

Remus smirked, squeezing Severus' hand. It was too much to hope for, perhaps, that Severus would actually say the words. 

"...but I love you anyway."

Remus' throat constricted and he blinked away the tears that suddenly welled in the corners of his eyes. He leaned up and captured Severus' lips in a deep kiss. It was slow and languid, a sensual exploration of each other's lips and tongues, a much needed reconnection. Remus' eyes flew open to see Severus watching him as they kissed and he broke off with a smile.

"So, here's a question for you then. What are the chances that anybody's going to come visit in the next few hours?"

"Well. Your mother was here earlier. She gave me a Muggle children's novel to read, 'Charlotte's Web'. She said one of the characters reminded her of me. Given a choice between the swine and the spider, I can only assume she meant the latter. Of course the fact that it is female, has a thousand little baby spiders, and DIES at the end all make it a perfectly likely candidate, of course."

"Of course. Come to think of it, it is a little ironic. Did you know that Moony thinks of you as 'Spider Fang'?"

"Does he indeed? That sounds like a rather odd name coming from a wolf."

"He says that it is a far more respectable name for a wolf than Moony is and he seems to be an expert on the subject matter." 

She left a few hours ago. Your father has found a new house and has been furnishing it this last week. I imagine that she will return in the morning to visit which is still some five or six hours away."

"Mmm. And Madame Pomfrey?"

"She has left you in my safe keeping for the night, on the provision that should you wake up and feel any pain or discomfort that I should contact her immediately."

"Ahh. So it's just the two of us?"

"Yes. For a few hours anyway." 

"I'm not feeling any pain..." Remus took Severus' hand and moved it down over his groin. "I might be feeling a little discomfort down here, though. I could do with a massage, I think."

"You are fucking incorrigible."

Remus grinned. "What? Why? I missed you. I missed you so much that I dreamed I was there... it hurt that I couldn't do anything to help you." His fingers brushed down Severus' cheek, then down his neck to catch on the leather collar. There was something new about it and he had to look twice to identify the shiny gold pendant that hung from the old leather by a shiny d-loop. Remus reached for it to examine it close. Severus leaned forward to accommodate his interest.

The pendant carried the exact same design that Remus' own held and he instantly reached a hand to his own neck to feel for its presence, comforted to find it was still there.

Severus smiled. "I assumed that since you were able to find me that you had figured out what this is for and what it is capable of. I had actually made two. I was going to show you this one on Christmas morning, but... Well. Things happened. This one is a little different from yours." His black eyes twinkled as he twisted the disk over so that Remus could read the inscription on the back: 'Property of Remus John Lupin, if found please return to Spinner's End.'

Remus' throat constricted as he tried to laugh, making the noise sound more like a croaking sob than anything else. "Would it spoil the moment if I called you a sentimental closet romantic?"

"Seeing as you are lying in a hospital bed recovering from what I was certain was your imminent demise, I shall allow you to call me so this one time only. Do not expect me to be so lenient in the future." He leaned down and placed another kiss against Remus' lips.

Remus sighed, "You have no idea how much I want you right now..." His hands moved up Severus' arms to grab his wrists and trap them in a firm grip over their heads on the pillow as he deepened their kiss. It took a moment to register that Severus was decidedly not kissing him back. Remus opened his eyes to see that Severus had gone white as the hospital sheets and his eyes were wide and strained with an expression that Remus hadn't seen in his lover before. With a heart sickening wrench, he realized that it was fear. Severus was afraid. Of _him._

Remus immediately let loose his hold on Severus' wrists, sickened with himself when he saw the speed with which Severus promptly pulled away and distanced himself from the bed. Distanced himself from Remus. 

He swallowed thickly. "I'm so sorry, Sev... I should have realized -- " 

"It's nothing!" Severus snapped. He took a breath, tilting his head so his hair swung into his eyes. When he spoke, his voice was more measured, less brittle, "It's nothing." 

Remus could see his hands trembling and the barest sheen of sweat on his brow even from the distance that Severus had placed between them. "It doesn't seem like nothing, love." 

Severus glared, retreating further into himself and further away from Remus. "It has nothing to do with you, so just... I'm fine. There is nothing wrong with me. I'm FINE." 

Remus shook his head sadly, feeling as if the world itself had turned fragile and that one wrong move would shatter everything to pieces. He was frightened. He knew somehow that if he allowed Severus to shy away from him... now... in this moment... that nothing would ever be right again. 

"You're fine... I see... Just like how I'm fine when I stop eating?" 

Severus flinched, glancing up at Remus with haunted eyes. "That is entirely different." 

"How so? Is it because then it's me that's suffering and not you? That makes it alright?" 

Severus shook his head, arms wrapping around his torso in a hugging motion that Remus desperately wished he was a part of. "No."

"Don't deny it, love. I can see it in your eyes. You're allowed, you know... to be weak sometimes. It's alright." 

"I am not WEAK!" 

"You were so strong for me when I needed you, Severus. You helped me be strong again. Now it's my turn to be strong for you. All you need to do is let me help." 

"I do not need help! There is nothing WRONG with me!" Remus couldn't help flinching and Severus looked instantly contrite. "I do not wish to argue, but I do not need help. Not from you or from anyone else."

"Would it be so bad if you did? Everyone needs help sometimes, but if that isn't what you want, that's fine, too. Just don't shut me out, Severus, please? I know we can get through this. Together, we can get through anything, right?" 

Severus laughed weakly. "Except dinner with your parents, it seems." 

"That's because we weren't working together. We'll be better prepared next time." 

Severus tilted his head down, obscuring his face behind a curtain of dark hair. His voice was high and soft, almost child-like. "You... you still want a next time with me? Even after...?" 

Remus smiled sadly. "Of course I do, you daft git. Why would you think...?" 

Severus shook his head, clearly not wanting to talk about it. "I imagined you were there with me once or twice. It made it bearable. Made enduring it easier. But... just now... when you held me like that, everything came back... I felt... _dirty_."

Remus frowned, reaching out a hand to Severus who obligingly returned to his spot by the bedside. "If you think it would help... I could always wash your hair again."

Severus laughed. "You and your fetish. Would it startle you if I said that it might help?"

"I will gladly wash your hair as many times as you need me to, love. I might even go so far as to bathe the rest of you. I could scrub your back... wash your feet... hold your head while you soak in luxurious bath bubbles with a glass of Elderberry wine..."

"That sounds very nice, but I should be the one catering to you, shouldn't I?" He ruefully gestured towards his collar.

Remus sighed, averting his gaze from embarrassment. "Professor Flitwick doesn't think there's a way to remove that. But he hasn't given up, yet, he still wants to run tests on it."

"I don't need him to remove it."

"You don't...?"

"No. They left me a loophole, remember? They said I had to serve my master, but they didn't specify who that was." He stroked Remus' face with his fingertips. "For some crazy reason I thought of you."

Remus smiled, turning his face into Severus' touch. "I want..."

Severus leaned down and kissed him again, his fingers touching everywhere he could reach, face, neck, arms, hands. "What do you want, Master?"

Remus swallowed. "I want you to lock the door."

The leather collar around Severus' neck flickered with gold for a moment. Severus smiled softly and flicked his fingers at the door. "Anything else?"

Remus shifted himself up a little in the bed, thinking of how frightened Severus had been only minutes ago when it seemed he had lost control. He wanted desperately to show Severus that he wasn't alone, wanted desperately to show him that everything would be okay again, to remind him that he DID have control. He wanted Severus to not be afraid of him. "I want you to fuck me."

Severus frowned. "Are you sure? You've never..."

Remus reached up to touch his face. "I'm sure. I want to feel you inside me, Severus. I want you to make love to me, please..."

The gold filigree writing on the collar flared to life and Severus closed his eyes, an almost blissful expression evening his features. "That almost sounds like an order..."

"That IS an order. Make love to me, Severus."

Severus nodded his assent and kissed him softly, tenderly pressing his lips in gentle reverence to every part of Remus' face. His fingers stroked gently down his throat to the top button of the simple cotton hospital shirt. He deftly slipped the button free and pressed his lips to the patch of skin he revealed. 

Remus closed his eyes, enjoying the sensation of Severus' gentle ministrations as he slowly unbuttoned his shirt and pushed the fabric away, trailing kisses and touches down his chest and abdomen. He ran his hands up Remus' sides as he moved up to press his mouth to Remus' nipples. Remus gasped as Severus swirled his tongue around in a smooth, circular motion. The sensation was amazing and Remus was writhing underneath Severus as he methodically licked and sucked at first one nipple than the other. 

Remus moaned his pleasure, "Severus..."

He hardly even noticed when Severus hooked his thumbs under the waistband of his drawstring hospital trousers and pushed them down off his hips. What he did notice was those long, cool fingers wrapping firmly around his member and squeezing him tightly. He also noticed the fingers of the other hand fondling and tugging at his balls as the first hand began to stroke him to the height of pleasure with firm, smooth motions. 

Remus was absolutely helpless, a slave to his own ecstasy. He moaned, reaching up to grasp his pillow with both fists, just for something to hang onto as he spiraled further and further out of control. "Love it... love when you touch me like that... Merlin, Severus...! Need... Please!"

The stroking slowed and the tugging ceased. "Hold that thought." Severus moved off the bed and Remus growled in frustration. Severus returned only seconds later without his clothes, kissing Remus deeply to make up for his short absence. "The only slightly redeemable feature of making love in a hospital bed: plenty of healing salve near at hand. This might be a little cold, but I promise it will warm up."

Something slick prodded gently at his entrance and Remus flinched. 

"Shh. It's alright, just relax."

Remus frowned, concentrating on the new sensation as that slickness made slow circles around his entrance, gasping at the unexpected sensation of it sweeping slowly across the puckered flesh. Then suddenly the finger was no longer probing and circling; it was pressing inside and Remus' entire body went rigid as he tried to process the new sensations. It didn't hurt so much as it was just strange and unusual.

"All right, Remus?"

"Yeah. Fine. Just... kind of a weird feeling, you know?"

Severus chuckled. "I suppose that it is 'weird' the first time, but it does get better, I promise."

The finger inside him moved and Remus concentrated on relaxing and letting it happen. Then a second finger joined the first and his body tensed up again without his permission. This was a little more than unusual, it was slightly uncomfortable. By the third finger he was biting his lip and trying desperately to ignore the burning sting. Every time he flinched, Severus stilled, allowing him time to adjust to the sensation.

If having only a few fingers inside him was causing this much discomfort, the thought of trying to accommodate Severus' fully engorged member was frankly terrifying. Remus was starting to be concerned that this wasn't such a good idea and he laughed, nervousness making the sound sharp and brittle. "Didn't realize it would hurt this much." 

"The pain eases as you get used to it. The ache might stay with you for a few days, but the sting will go away, I promise. But I might be able to do something to take your mind off of it."

Before Remus could voice his doubts, Severus' warm mouth closed over his almost flaccid penis, encasing him in hot, wet heat. Almost instantly, his blood began to pool in his groin and Remus dropped his head back, forgetting entirely about being at all tense as Severus suckled and nibbled and swirled his tongue in lazy figures around his stiffening cock. 

The painful, burning sensation eased as he relaxed into the pleasure that Severus' tongue was eagerly supplying him with. He was so focused on what Severus was doing with his mouth, so focused on the way that he was swallowing him to the root, then sucking hard as he slowly pulled his mouth away, then flicking his tongue across the head and along the slit before swallowing him again and repeating the process, that Remus almost didn't notice when the fingers had begun moving slowly inside him, pressing in and pulling out. It took Remus a few moments to realize that Severus was finger fucking him slowly and sensually in time with the movements of his mouth. 

Soon, Remus was once again writhing in the throes of ecstasy and he didn't notice or care when the fingers left his body and returned with more healing salve and rubbed it into his entrance, or when his hips were lifted and a pillow settled underneath him. He did notice when the head of Severus' cock pressed against his sensitive flesh. It was so much larger than the fingers had been and Remus again began to have second thoughts. He opened his eyes in alarm, looking to Severus for reassurance. He didn't disappoint. 

Severus kissed him on the forehead, on each eyelid, on the tip of his nose and then finally, briefly on the lips. "Take a deep breath. Hold it for a count of three, then let it out slowly and push out at the same time. Ready?"

Remus nodded his head and took a shaky breath. He began to let it out and Severus pushed his way in. If Remus had thought the burning pain of being stretched open was uncomfortable before, it was nothing compared to the unpleasant feeling of Severus' rigid shaft forcing it's way inside him. 

He gasped, a soft cry escaping his lips, "Sev!"

Severus immediately stilled, a hand moving up to cup Remus' face. "Shh. Just breathe and relax. Take a deep breath and let it out."

Remus struggled to do so. His breathing was too shaky to make it easy. "You make this look so easy, you know that?"

Severus chuckled, continuing to stroke and kiss Remus' face. "Of course I do, silly wolf. It looks easy because I practice. A lot." Remus laughed and Severus slid in another few inches. "Of course, it also helps that I absolutely adore the man that does this to me on a regular basis."

"Gah... should I be jealous?"

"Probably. He has gold flecked eyes the exact shade of honey wheat and an infectious smile, an amazingly gorgeous body, and an absolutely beautiful prick that tastes just as amazing as it looks..."

"Oh dear. I think I AM jealous. Whatever can I do to compete with that?"

"It would help if you ATE like a normal person is expected to and weren't so fuck all skinny."

"I missed your cooking."

"I missed you hauling me up the stairs like a Neanderthal and fucking me so hard into the mattress that I have to stand while I teach my Potions class because I can't bear the thought of sitting down afterwards."

Remus groaned. "Merlin, I missed that, too, Sev..."

Severus moaned softly and Remus opened his eyes, surprised to discover that amidst their banter, Severus had managed to seat himself fully inside Remus' body and that it didn't seem nearly so uncomfortable now as it had when it was first happening. "Oh, wow."

Severus' voice was strained, apparently just as affected by the feeling as Remus was. "Should I take that as a compliment?" 

"Not if it's going to go to your head. Oh, wow!" Remus moaned with pleasure as Severus responded by slowly gyrating his hips, rocking into him ever so gently, making him feel closer and more connected than he ever had before. It made him feel alive and cared for. It made him feel _warm._ This tender, gentle lovemaking was exactly what Remus needed right now to convince him that everything was really okay, that the nightmare of last week was well and truly over. It was this side of Severus that he had needed to see; the over-protective side of him that became righteously indignant on Remus' behalf and would fight to the death over the tiniest offense was all well and good, but right now Remus needed the side of him that was warm-hearted and sensitive, the side that was so rare and beautiful that Remus wanted to cry when he saw those hard, black eyes soften to the color of dark chocolate and gaze at him so intently that he knew that for that precious moment, that he, Remus John Lupin, was the most cherished thing in the world.

He also knew that if Severus had even the slightest idea of the thoughts Remus was currently thinking, he would be slapped silly for giving into such absurdly romantic drivel. Severus tolerated Remus' mawkish tendencies, but only as long as he didn't share them with the world.

He was almost startled when Severus chuckled softly, the sound a low rumble that sent pleasurable vibrations throughout his body.

"What are you laughing at?"

"Just enjoying you and your mawkish tendencies."

"Merlin, I didn't say that out loud, did I?"

Severus smirked and kissed him again, deeper this time, cupping his face with one hand, stroking Remus' cheek with his thumb while he supported himself with the other hand. 

Remus grinned, breaking the kiss and wrapping his legs around Severus' waist. "So, was there more to this event or were we just going to... sit here?"

Severus grinned. "Just waiting for you, dearest." He then proceeded to pull out slowly, the friction of the motion causing all new synapses of pleasure to fire inside Remus' brain. The pain had eased from an uncomfortable burn to a pleasant heat that he actually enjoyed. When Severus pushed into him again, Remus thought he would expire from the joy. When the motion repeated, he lifted his hips to meet Severus' thrust.

Fire exploded behind Remus' eyes leaving him blinded by spots of light and dark. It seemed like all the sensation in his body was sucked into a single point ecstasy and his body convulsed as a cry of delight was torn from his throat.

"Fuck, Sev... that was..."

"That was a sign that I'm doing this right. I was beginning to worry I was bollocksing it up."

"Again... Do it again..."

Severus obliged, snapping his hips forward and thrusting hard against that same spot and soon Remus was howling with every thrust, desperately clutching to Severus' sinuously writhing body as an anchor while he lost himself to the sensation of flying.

He was spiraling out of control faster than he wanted to; he never wanted this feeling to end, this sensation of absolute closeness, the absolute perfect connection to life and love and everything that was important in his world. 

Then Severus wrapped his hand around Remus and began to stroke him in time with his thrusts and it was too much. Remus came hard, jerking and shuddering as he climaxed, clinging to Severus' hot, slick back even as Severus leaned down and swallowed his cries with a kiss.

It took some minutes for Remus to come down from the high. He hadn't noticed when Severus pulled out or when he pulled the blanket up over the two of them and snuggled close beside him, stroking his palm gently up and down Remus' chest, fingers tracing the scarred flesh that marred his body. 

Remus turned his head and kissed Severus' cheek. "Why haven't we done it this way before?"

"Because I'm a selfish fucking berk who doesn't like to share. Only one of us can be on the bottom at once, you know. Aside from that... well, you've never seemed inclined to switch places and I've never..." 

"You don't like being on top?"

"No, it was wonderful. I've just never done it before."

"Never? So all those blokes you told me about..."

"You think a fifteen year old chap is going to admit to the bloke he's crushing on that he's an inexperienced twat who doesn't know fuck all about sex?"

"So that time behind the greenhouses..."

"My first time. With anyone."

"Merlin, Sev! I fucking hurt you on your first time?"

Severus pulled Remus closer, awkward on the narrow hospital bed. "It got better... much, much, MUCH better. Like I said, practice makes perfect."

Remus sighed, thinking about that phrase. Practice at sex, practice at potions... He wondered how much practice Severus had at other things. He must have been brooding because Severus squeezed him tightly. 

"Wolf, what's wrong?"

"Can I ask you a personal question?"

Severus was silent for a moment. "You may, if you think the answer will be helpful."

"Sev... what does it feel like?" 

His long fingers were tracing soothing circles along his arm. "What does what feel like?"

"You've... you've killed before. What does it feel like?"

The fingers stilled.

"You don't have to answer if you don't want to..."

"I'm not reluctant... I've... I've never thought of it before, is all. I guess it feels... I guess it feels like spilling acid on a Imhotep's personal journal... or... or contaminating a potions ingredient than can only be collected once every thousand years. Like losing your great grandfather's only surviving portrait... It feels like breaking something... something so precious and priceless that no matter what you do for as long as you live, you'll never be able to fix it or replace it. You'll never be worth the cost."

"Oh." Remus fell silent, his hand curling on Severus' chest as he nuzzled his face further into his lover's neck.

"That isn't the answer you wanted to hear?"

"Not really. I wanted to hear you say that it gets better."

"Perhaps it will. Your circumstances were far different than mine. You killed to defend your loved ones. I killed because I was too afraid not to."

"You mean you didn't..."

"No, silly wolf. I did not join the Death Eaters to fulfill a pervasive desire to murder innocent people, strange as that may seem to you."

Remus was quiet for a moment. They had never spoken about this subject. It had always remained a carefully preserved taboo that Remus had been too terrified of breaking. His voice was soft. "Then why did you?"

It was Severus' turn to be silent. He wrapped his arms more comfortably around Remus and pulled him closer. He was silent for so long that Remus was on the verge of telling him to forget he'd asked, that he didn't have to talk about it when Severus sighed. "You never met Tom Riddle in person, did you? If you had, you wouldn't need to ask... He wasn't always... well... He wasn't always the Dark Lord, not at first. He was just so charismatic. When you were in his presence, listening to him speak, you felt... POWERFUL, like you could do anything and you WANTED to do anything, anything that he asked... He was the first person in my life who made me feel as if I was wanted, not just needed, but actually wanted... worthwhile. I would have walked through fire for him if he'd asked it. I would have died for him, I think, back then..."

"What changed?"

"I grew up." He shrugged. "It wasn't until I was inducted into the inner circle that I even caught a glimpse of who the Dark Lord really was and what he stood for. I discovered that the Tom Riddle I thought I knew was only a disguise, a ruse to engender loyalty in his followers. There were many who were delighted by his new policies, who thought that his tactics of 'aggressive Muggle control' were brilliant. Some of us were horrified. Regulus, Evan, Lucius... myself..." Severus lifted his left arm to look at the spot that the Dark Mark had occupied. "But by then it was too late to do anything about it. Once you're in, you can't get out. The ones that tried..." Severus swallowed and shook his head. "I was too afraid to try myself. I did what he asked of me and tried very hard not to displease him. Even if that meant staining my hands with innocent blood. I'm not proud of the things that I did, Remus. I would give my life if it meant I could go back and save even one of the lives that I took..."

Remus stroked his hand down Severus' chest, resting it above his heart. "It sounds like you didn't have a choice -- "

"I had a choice. There is ALWAYS a choice. I was just too cowardly to take it -- " He smiled bitterly. " -- I'm not a Gryffindor like you. And now I will spend the rest of my life trying to atone for my actions, trying to fix that broken vase that can never be repaired or replaced. He was right about me, you know... Typhon. He was right. I'm not just a murderer, I'm a bloody monster. The Muggle disease he was speaking of. I did... I laid the groundwork for the Dark Lord's potion, the one that introduced it into the world. I did the research, began the development process. I created the plague that could one day kill your mother, should it spread the way the Dark Lord wished it to. I didn't finish it, I couldn't... but the damage was done and the prototype I had developed was no less lethal for it not being to specifications."

"So you stopped? You tried to quit?"

"I did. I was punished... and the consequences for that disobedience... I'm not certain I'll forgive myself for that either."

Remus knew by the way that his eyes had darkened and his muscles tensed that Severus was not willing to divulge any more on the subject so he leaned forward and kissed him softly on the mouth. "I think I can live with that."

Severus looked at him, one eyebrow raised. "You're not... disgusted with me?"

"We all make mistakes, love. It's the regret that makes us human."

"I somehow don't think that it works that way."

"If it doesn't... then I guess we can be monsters together, then, right?"

Severus sighed and returned to nuzzling Remus. "I suppose the 'together' part doesn't sound so odious."

No, Remus thought with a smile. The 'together' part didn't sound bad at all. He nestled his head into the crook of Severus' neck, pressing his nose into the warm, damp flesh. He resettled his arms around his lover's lean torso and sighed, reveling in the closeness and especially the warmth. It was that warmth and the thought of 'together' that soothed him into sleep.


	14. Epilogue

February, 1983

Remus adjusted his neck tie as he practically scrambled down the stairs.

"Severus?"

He glanced into the sitting room, bright and cheerful, now, with the new wallpaper and carpet as well as a few new pieces of furniture. The Christmas Tree was a glorious thing, decorated in silver frost and icicles and blinking with fairy lights and green and red ornaments. It could be a little strange that they still had Christmas decoration into the first week of February, but he and his parents had agreed that reattempting Christmas dinner would be in everybody's best interest, before the memories of this year's disaster were allowed to permanently ruin the holiday. Severus had agreed on the provision that it be held at Spinner's End where he could retreat to the basement if he felt the need. It had taken a few weeks to make the downstairs look presentable for company. Remus had been the one to enchant the ceiling to look like starlight and snowflakes. The roaring fire completed the feeling and the room looked quite cheerful and cozy. 

"Severus?"

The voice called from the kitchen. "I'm busy, wolf! What do you need?"

Remus ducked into the kitchen, instantly salivating at the barrage of scents and smells that assaulted his sensitive nose. Sensitive for a human anyway. To his human nose, Severus still smelled of fresh herbs and spices, basil and mint with a touch of lemon and lavender and, the most overpoweringly arousing scent of all, the intoxicating smell of the leather collar he still wore. It had taken many hours of concentrated effort to banish Moony's decidedly unpleasant interpretation of Severus' scent to the back of his brain and he had no guarantee that he wouldn't have to repeat the process after the next full moon. He was perfectly happy with his not quite so discerning human nose. 

"They'll be here, soon. You ready?"

"Ready? Can a man be ready for such a thing? A little like asking Napoleon if he's ready for Waterloo, isn't it?"

Severus did not turn from the cutting board where he was whisking some sort of chocolate concoction in a large mixing bowl. Remus smiled indulgently at him and the apron he was wearing. It was pitch black. When Remus had given it to him as a birthday present just a fortnight ago, it had been garishly pink with the words 'Kiss the Cook' embroidered on the front. He'd also given Severus permission to alter it, assuming of course that the pink would be the first to go, and when Severus spun to set the mixing bowl on the counter and pick up a thick mitten to pull a tray out of the oven, Remus could see that the words now said, 'Be Nice to the Cook or He'll Poison Your Food'. Remus couldn't say that it didn't suit him much better now.

He grinned. "Waterloo? It shouldn't be that bad, I don't think..."

"Lupin, the last time that we ate dinner with your parents, we practically declared a full scale Wizarding war across the dinner table and, must I remind you, burned the fucking house down! And THAT was all under your dubious epitaph of 'should be fine'. By that scale, 'shouldn't be that bad' will be positively orgasmic if not outright lethal. To that end, I have fire-proofed, bullet-proofed, and nuclear-holocaust-proofed the kitchen as well as the sitting room. I have placed anti-hex and curse charms at all the major junctures in the halls and doorways. And just in case my more humane security measures do not suffice, I have also made fruitcake."

"Fruitcake? You made fruitcake? Severus, nobody likes fruitcake!"

"It wouldn't be much of a punishment if they did..."

"Sev!"

His dark eyes were glinting with mischievous humor as he set the hot tray on a cooling rack. "I'm teasing of course. The reason nobody likes fruitcake is because they've never had the joyous opportunity of eating MY fruitcake." He gestured towards the table where a number of dishes were already set out in preparation for their guests. "I've already sliced it, if you should like to sample a piece?"

Remus frowned and took a piece of the brightly colored sweetmeat. He sniffed it, eyes nearly watering at the sheer amount of alcoholic fumes that wafted from the seemingly innocuous cake. "What's in it?"

"Cognac, rum, and a bit of sherry as well as the other standard accoutrements."

Remus popped it into his mouth, eyes instantly drifting shut in bliss and absolute contentment. "Oh, wow."

"There are also equal parts Draught of Peace and Distillation of Domestic Docility, but those are hardly worth mentioning..."

No wonder the cake tasted so amazing. No wonder Remus no longer felt anxious and fretful. He could be angry that Severus had drugged him, but he was feeling far to pleasant to be bothered by it.

"That's fucking brilliant cake, Sev..." He relaxed into the seat at the table. "Wow."

"Told you you'd like it. The recipe was passed down in a direct line from Potions Master to Apprentice originating from Morgaine Le Fey herself."

"You've had Morgaine Le Fey's recipe for fruitcake tumbling around in your brain and you never bothered to use it?"

"I also have her remedy for menstrual cramps, that does not mean I've a care to go around brewing that for casual consumption either."

Remus laughed. "But it's so bloody tasty! One more piece..." He went to grab a piece but his hand was smacked away.

"No. You'll spoil your dinner."

"What IS for dinner? It doesn't smell like goose."

"As I recall, I was not overly kind to your mother's goose the last time we spoke. Attempting my own would surely leave me vulnerable to an equal amount of censure and ridicule."

Remus laughed. "Let it not be said that a Slytherin of your caliber left themselves open to ridicule. Is that a roast I smell?" Remus drifted closer to the oven. "And coffee?"

"You do have a good nose on you, don't you? I used coffee and cayenne pepper in the spice rub. It's a prime rib roast. It should be sufficient for company." 

"More than sufficient, I should think. What else are you concocting in here." 

"Horseradish Crème Fraiche for the roast, Beet and Apple Borscht with Caviar Potato Puffs, Chicken Liver Pate with Pear and Currants, Candied Yams, Brussels Sprouts with Chestnuts, fresh baked rolls with Apple and Pumpkin Butter." Severus smiled indulgently when Remus' eyes widened in anticipation. "And, of course, Espresso Double-Chocolate Soufflé Brownies for dessert..." 

Remus peered at Severus, suspicion tickling the back of his brain. "You didn't drug the brownies, too, did you?"

Severus looked startled. "No. Why? Do you think I should have? It's not too late, I can add something, some frosting perhaps..."

He looked as if he was going to make a dash for the basement and Remus quickly stepped forward and kissed him. "No, you don't need to drug the brownies. I'm sure the fruitcake will be more than sufficient. The rest of the menu sounds amazing, by the way."

Severus ducked his head, pleased at the compliment as he turned back to the sink. "I'm rather hoping that they'll be too busy eating to speak much."

Remus growled playfully and smacked Severus lightly on the arse. "That isn't a very nice thing to say about your Master's parents, Slave..." 

Severus turned and wrapped his arms around Remus, pulling him close. "You know you like it when I'm disobedient. It means you get to -- " 

He was cut off by the pounding on the front door. 

Severus smirked. "Well, bloody hell. I guess we'll just have to hold that thought until after they leave." The smirk evolved into an evil grin as he slid his hip directly across Remus' groin as he wriggled out of the embrace. "Not that I would WANT you to have an ulterior motive for ensuring they don't overstay. Your parents are welcome as long as you wish, Remus. They can even stay overnight if you -- " He laughed and ducked out of the kitchen to avoid the tea towel that was flung in his direction. 

Remus took one last look around the kitchen, savoring the smells. Yes, dinner was going to be a good thing this time around. He joined Severus in the hallway as his lover removed his apron and carefully folded it over his arm.

Remus leaned in and kissed him quickly on the mouth. "Well, love? Are we ready for round two?"

Severus raised an eyebrow, then deliberately reached over and grasped Remus' hand. "Matilda Marrywell says that any good relationship is not without obstacles and that it would not be a worthwhile venture if there were not challenges for us to overcome together as a cohesive unit."

"Back to the advice columnist, I see."

"Severus Snape, on the other hand, says that if you ever doubt how highly I hold you in my affections after all that I put myself through for you, I will cheerfully beat you bloody senseless with a fucking frying pan."

"Duly noted."

"In that case... Yes. Yes, I think we're ready."

The pounding on the door sounded again and Remus took a breath, squeezed Severus' hand, their twined fingers a silent promise that they would overcome their obstacles together or not at all. Remus took another deep breath and let it out as he opened the door. After all, this was just another simple family dinner.

What could go wrong?


End file.
